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Posts Liked by M69NA

"maybe I'm still single because I didn't forward that chain message to 17 of my closest friends 5 years ago"

"that'll explain the little girl with no eyes at the end of my bed too"

28

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

185

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

237

Our intern just sent me a file titled "AnalCommunist".
On a related note, we're hiring.

31

The forecast for Saturday is mostly drunk with a 99% chance of being horny.

32

We assume others show love the same way we do.

And if they don't, we worry it's not there.

17

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

46

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