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Posts Liked by liloulil

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

25

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

26

I don't miss you,
I just miss not being
able to tell you things.

Like go fuck yourself.

46

Some people are just like coins:
two faces
no value.

55

We are under no obligation to be the same person we were a year, month, or a minute ago. We have right to grow, so no apologies......

6

The digital age
So much communication
But so little said.

34

Start where you are.
Use what you have.
Do what you can.

30

When this virus is over
I still want some of you to stay away from me

31

Kinda feeling like the Universe just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done

54

Boom Bitches!

(Drops mike)*

22

Yippih!

Almost time for that "New year, new me" bullshit.

26

You don't need a new year to make a change.

30

Two things to guide you in life; Take care
of your thoughts while
you're alone, and take
care of your words when
you're with people

14

Nothing always stays the same

15

The universe is infinite.

Yeah, my brain can totally handle that.

11

Whatever happened to the 'social' part of social media?

13

your ex looked like the partner of your dreams. salt looks like sugar. gin looks like water.
you're really wondering why I have trust issues?

36

Dear Ex..

When you see me, i want you to recognize what you had, regret what you've lost, and realize what you're never getting back.

Sincerly Me

132

Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive.

30

I sometimes smile and act like nothing is wrong. It's called dealing with shit and stay strong.

20

Hey you!
You're beautiful and gorgeous in your own way. Don't let anyone make you feel ugly, because you're perfect just the way you are.
Stay Strong!

22

somewhere, on the other side of the world, someone is going through the same thing as you. stay strong,
you are not alone.

19

~Stay strong, make them wonder why you're still smiling~

15

You think you know what you're looking for until what you're looking for finds you.

22

Karma has no Deadline.

23

KARMA HAS NO MENU.

YOU GOT SERVED WHAT YOU DESERVED.

39

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.
That's 7 years in a row now.

47

Some people are so open minded their brains fall out.

59

_______________
| Take a |
| Free smile |
|______________|
| | | | |
| :-) | :-) | :-) | :-) |
|___|___|___|___ |

101

Whenever I get mad, I just imagine a t-rex trying to pick up a basketball.

9

do you want to hear a racist joke?

donald trump.

30

If "Plan A" didn't work the alphabet has 25 more letters.

Stay cool.

57

my "i hate you" face must look very similar to my "tell me more" face.
i'll have to work on that.

85

You know you're getting old when
the cake isn't large enough to old the candles

Happy birthday!

21

I looked at historical events taking place on my birthday and I'm not on it?
I think there must be some mistake?

38

Robinson method

Waiting for Friday

31

how do you feel when there is no coffee?

depresso.

87

Woke up this morning and the smell of you was lingering in the sheets, making me miss you so much.

I have to stop eating pizza in bed.

33

Romeo & Juliet is just another example of why communication within a relationship is so crucial.

12

Postphoning

When you need to make a call, but you're not making it yet.

50

Don't you hate it when you appear at the office at 8am, work for seven hours straight and realize it's only 8.30am?

13

I'M A LADY, BUT WHEN I'M MAD, I'M AN EVIL SADISTIC DEMON SPAWNED BITCH FROM HELL THAT WILL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN.

AND WHEN I'M HAPPY
I BAKE COOKIES AND SHIT.

19

I WONDER HOW MANY MILES I'VE SCROLLED ON MY PHONE.

19

OK, I was wrong.

But at least I've been a major asshole about it.

48

for every snowflake that falls, there is an idiot who forgets how to drive

76

You know what rhymes with Thursday?

Vodka.

74

$(•_•) <) )/ All the single / \ ladies! (•_• ) \( (> All the single / \ ladies! ( •_•) <) )/ Oh oh oh! / \$

9

Eat spaghetti
to forgetti
your regretti

17

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murdereres, if you do find one, what's your plan?

123

If you think the Mount Everest is high, come and see my Mount Laundry!

105

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA.

A SMOKE DETECTOR THAT TURNS OFF WHEN YOU YELL "I'M JUST COOKING FOR FUCKS SAKE"

99

I don't know if I'm hungry, but I'm going to eat anyway...just in case

110

Real women don't chase men.
They set traps.

118

I can't turn water into wine,
but I can turn pizza into breakfast

143

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

I do not spew profanities.

I enunciate them properly like a fucking lady.

89

A group of kids is called a migraine.

111

Never ask a woman her age. Or her weight. Or anything. Just stare, breathe and hope for the best.

198

Of course women don't work as hard as men...

They get it right the first time.

53

If a girl says "ok have fun." Do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.

68

Yeah baby I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

40

Once in a while someone amazing comes along... and here I am!

46

Of course I talk to myself.

Sometimes I need expert advice.

74

Before running: Yeah let's do this

During running: I hate my life, my legs hurt & I can't breathe & I have 2 miles to go & this song sucks.

29

running late is my cardio

2

Tonight I'll be cleaning. And by "cleaning", I mean drinking wine and spraying fabreeze all over my shit.

33

If you don't think I'm a princess then you are 100% right because I'm the fucking queen.

56

Throwing lamps at people who need to lighten the fuck up.

59

When The Hostess
at a Restaurant
Say's " Table For Two"
I Like To act Surprised And say!'
" You can see Him Too?!'

25

Being Polite These Day's....

Can often be confused as Flirting.

41

if i had a twin that was born 5 minutes after me. i would always say "when i was your age" and proceed to tell them what i had done 5 minutes ago.

42

I LICKED IT, SO IT'S MINE.

1

Everyday is a constant battle between deciding to spend time on my appearance or sleep for just 15 more minutes.

Sleep usually wins.

20

Of course size matters.....

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

218

The hands of friendship have no color.

232

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

1298

It's not a walk of shame if you leave with a moonwalk.

191

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

My Bed
Wasn't Feeling
Well This Morning,
So I Stayed at Home
To Take Care Of It.

95

Girls all go to the bathroom together because that's where we rap battle.

53

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the middle ones for you.

61

I heard there was a football game today at the Beyonce concert. Who's playin'??

1

always be yourself.

unless you can be Beyonce. always be Beyonce.

3

I doubt Vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot.

38

I really want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people get drunk.

63

Dear Alcohol,

We had a deal.
You were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer.

I saw the video, we need to talk.

6

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

212

I'M ON THAT NEW DIET WHERE YOU EAT EVERYTHING AND HOPE FOR A BIG MIRACLE.

244

It's Thursday, or as I like to call it:

Day 4 of the hostage situation.

181

the only valentine's day cards
I'll accept are credit cards

159

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

Don't ever fucking bully anyone.

Karma has everyone's address.. and a motherfucking stamp.

2

Every person is a new door to a different world.

58

If I had three wishes?

I wish you were here.

I wish you were here.

I wish you were here.

82

I was gonna take over the world
this morning, but I overslept.

Postponed.

Again.

66

When I was a kid, my parents dressed me because I didn't care what I looked like. Looking at photos, they obviously didn't care either.

66

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

393

I hate when netflix stops and asks if I'm still watching

like yes do you think I got up and started doing something with my life bitch put my show back on

2

Did I said "I love you"? Sorry I was talking to the food

3

Why period?
Why can't mother nature just text me like: "What's up girl? You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya in a month."

2

Pretty girls turn heads.

I break necks.

3

what exactly is "a new years resolution" ?

it's a to do list for the first week of january.

11

All problems can be solved with cat videos.

23

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

275

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

chocolate doesnt ask silly questions.

chocolate UNDERSTANDS.

19

Did you hear about the restaurant
on the moon?

Great Food...
but no atmosphere

62

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

I'm so good, Santa came...

Twice!

3

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

111

I want you to know that I love the third word in this sentence.

179

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

270

Liberté
Égalité
Beyoncé

8

It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this.

52

No one makes me
smile like you do.

50

I like the idea that someone, somewhere is made for you, forever.

225

When I was born I was so shocked that I didn't talk for, like, a year.

71

Dear naps

I'm sorry I was so mean to you in kindergarten.

37

Sometimes it freaks me out that there is a skeleton living inside me.

50

If shes amazing, she wont be easy. If shes easy, she wont be amazing. If shes worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, youre not worthy.
-Bob Marley

56

I've reached that age where my brain went from "you probably shouldn't say that" to "what the hell, let's see what happens"

51

"Don't worry,
the spider is
smaller than
you"

"...yeah, so is a
grenade"

176

Congratulations you made it out of bed.

23

How do you feel when there's no coffee?

Depresso

32

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

279

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once, because you never really left.

289

My boss says
I intimidate
the other colleagues,
so I just stared at him until he apologized.

25

If you're still looking for that one person to change your life..

Take a look in the mirror.

75

Share the warm light of your smile with the world.

You might relieve some souls of cold and darkness.

31

You're so fake,
even China denied they made you.

98

I love finding money in my clothes.
It's like a gift from me to me.

123

Of course your opinion matters,

Just not to me.

162

things I do when I have to study

1% study
99% tell people
I have
to study

20

Damn you mirror! That's not what I look like in my head!

48

When you are writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen.

65

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

133

It's sad,
there are so many
stories we'll never finish,
but still, we continue
to write.

55

Hey, we never talked in high school!

Lets be Facebook friends so we can once again never talk!

42

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

91

Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it is inspiring.

35

I don't mind your weirdness as long as it's compatible with mine.

58

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.
I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

91

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

86

If someone hates you for no reason,
give that motherfucker
a reason.

71

Girls who claim that a lot of guys are after them should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

84

Me: I wanna look good today.
Body: No.
Hair: Nope.
Face: Nice try.

85

I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD

(unfortunately
it's Buddha)

140

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

247

My
normal
has
never
been
anything
but
not
normal.

144

Pain
is just
a French
word for bread.

22

Money is so expensive these days.

20

"Shit, I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?"

-Alexander Graham Bell

21

I found your nose.

Its in my business again.

2

cinderella is the proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

9

After an argument, i always think of all the awesome things i could have said.

11

remember when i asked you for your opinion? yeah, me neither

21

Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be sexy and awesome, but it happens ••

27

Forgive and forget?

Sorry, I'm not God...

I don't have Alzheimer's either.

43

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