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Posts Liked by laurendanes

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

236

If you have to ask if it's too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

189

I want to sleep for two years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

269

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

goals for 2015:

less upsetti, more spaghetti

45

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

185

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

255

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