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Posts Liked by lander

If my bra matches my panties,
I decided to sleep with you before the night even began.

18

I like to be alone.
But I would rather be alone with you.

270

Women
fall in love with
what they hear

Men
fall in love with
what they see

That's why
women wear make-up
and men lie

7

Selfie is the proof that smartphone and internet have made people so alone that they don't find a friend who can take a pic.

250

keep your
lips sealed,

with mine

7

boyfri-
"end"
girlfri-
"end"
fam"ily"

8

I'm not saying
you're a slut.

I'm just saying if
your vagina had a password,
it would be 1234.

22

Silence is sexy

17

And I will try
try to hold you
with my arms
around your heart
even though love
is going to kill me
I will try...

21

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

928

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

Here's a bit of advice:
Advi

2

My bed is more comfortable in the morning than it is at night.
z Z z Z

5

Microwave minutes seem so much longer than regular minutes.

8

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

it's not a hangover, it's wine flu.

53

think like a proton, stay positiv.

101

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentine's day because no man
will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money.

14

I don't have tactics.

I've got TicTacs, so
I stay fresh.

16

Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while you are waiting.

134

life is short.

smile while you still have teeth.

24

We need
fantasy
to survive reality •

30

Up in the sky,
there's no religion there are no cars and no phones and you can not be controlled,

Up in the sky,
you just feel fine,
there is no money making crime but a lot of good wine.

22

No matter how many deaths that I die,
I will never forget.
No matter how many lives that I live,
I will never regret.

There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode into flames...

Where is you god?

8

"You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
-C.S. Lewis

8

Always be yourself.
Unless you can be a pirate.
Then always be a pirate.

2

drunk.

14

When I was little, I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me.

Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either...

9

Don't you worry child: NSA take a look at you

3

week
ends

work
doesn't

37

you can't buy happiness-
steal it.

18

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

136

SUMMER U I BELIEF
O N C R L
U C E E I
N O D A P
DANGLE V R K F
L E E E L
A R A V O
T E M E P
ADMIRE DANCES N S

17

men say a women's place is in the kitchen, just remember, that's where all the knives are.

21

if i had a penis i would probably put cute stickers all over it.

19

I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters.

51

Why does the hipster like ice?

Because it was water before it was cool.

23

Sex is a sensation
caused by a temptation.
A guy sticks his location, in a girls destination.
To increase population of the next generation.
Do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?

9

After every bad day comes a good bed.

4

I like how every racist joke begins by looking over your shoulder.

30

A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Woods”

15

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?

In that case,
I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

13

I love using big words to sound smart.

I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

23

Dear parents, knocking WHILE you open the door to my bedroom
kinda defeats the purpose of knocking...

7

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

23

enlarge your world

be bold

19

It's not that I'm sceptical about relationships

I'm just practical

12

when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

22

Merde!

Shit always sounds better in French.

1

"Lost time is never found again..."
-Benjamin Franklin

3

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

3

Let's have a coffee.

Do stupid things faster with more energy.

16

When you stop and realize how perfect a moment is.

8

Watching a person's eye move back and forth as they read.

4

it is time to move our feet to an introsprective beat

10

I'm walking on sunshine(:

17

All generalizations are false.

22

Ctrl B

11

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

6

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

27

Play the moment

Pause the memories

Stop the pain

Rewind the happiness

7

If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost

11

if life gives you lemons, squeeze them in people's eyes

2

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. -Shakespeare

4

JUST BECAUSE I DONT SMILE 24/7 this doesnt mean im not happy! My cheeks just hurt :)

2

The
only thing stronger than a mother's love is a
garlic breath •

318

I put red bull in my coffee
-now my heart beats like dubstep

31

Before you talk, listen.
Before you react, think.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.

16

I like lifts
But when it comes to faces...

I prefer stairs.

1

Accidental eye contact can either be cute, awkward or creepy...

42

I'M GREAT IN BED

i can sleep for days

25

dear icebergs,

sorry to hear about the global warming.
karma's a bitch!

sincerly,
the titanic

15

why do we need algebra?
finding "x" is only useful if you're a pirat.

54

how many people are working in your company?

approximately 50%!

10

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

326

I don't want to love you

but I do.

21

SHOES,
BOOZE &
MEN WITH
TATTOOS

15

The mind forgets but the heart always remember

3

If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done before

4

i hate people who say age is just a number.

age is clearly a word.

5

GRAMMAR

the difference between
knowing your shit and knowing you're shit

12

$amplitude of my week /\ / \ / \ / \ / \ \_________________/ mo tue wed thr weekend$

18

A beautiful mind is a terrible thing to waste.

9

Without money, we'd all be rich.

6

Your face is not a coloring book, chill with the makeup.

50

???i? ?o ?uiod ????ou? ?o??

22

$~œ/ |0 ||\ Konichiwa kids! We are Fuku&Shima, your new babysitters from Japan!$

16

Walking around the kitchen like Pac Man when you're hungry.

52

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

722

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

10

don't be a cloud on a sunny day!

13

FACE DOWN,
ASS UP.

that's the way i tie my shoes.

26

your opinion is irrelevant because i hate you.

11

Better get up at the wrong side of the bed than wake up on the ground.

2

the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubt, while the stupid people are full of confidence.

49

alcohol is really just the liquid version of photoshop.

74

Take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila.

12

I hate when i forget to press send, & i'm sitting there and waiting like an idiot for a reply!

5

Speaking is silver.

Writing is Bold.

214

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