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Posts Liked by l_rickerby

quit your job
travel the world
die happy

14

I won't cry for you, my mascara is too expensive.

27

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?
Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

• Emery Allen

31

if traveling was free, you'd never see me again.

21

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.

572

I am 97% Sure you
Don't Like Me.

But I am 100% Sure.
I Don't Care.
:-)

15

If you are reading this it means that you have survived your entire life up to this point. congrats mother fucker you're awesome.

24

twinkle twinkle little star,

point me to the nearest bar

21

Of course I talk to myself...

Sometimes I need a professional opinion!

13

I live for the nights that I can't remember with the people I won't forget.

478

Things are way funnier in my head..

11

The ones who see you when you are invisible are the ones you should hold on to when you become famous

16

The biggest challenge after reaching success is shutting up about it.

20

I'm happiest when left alone with internet connection and food

22

cough
rough
though
through

why don't these words rhyme?

11

you are not fat

you have fat

you also have fingernails

you are not fingernail

74

I cant go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.

10

Nice try "No Caller ID",
but I dont even answer the phone for people I know.

11

This flash mob sucks. It's in my living room, only my Mum showed up, and she's just telling me to stop drinking.

8

Some come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

23

Ladies -
If you think your man is cheating...

Take him to that bitch's front door and see if his WiFi connects.

12

isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that's just like
"i don't know how to hold a pencil"

90

Sorry i'm late but i didn't want to come

16

I once went to bed early to get some beauty sleep, and then overslept. When I finally woke up, I was so attractive, I didn't recognize myself.

17

! M E R D E !

shit always sounds better in french

71

some people can't sleep because they have insomnia, I can't sleep because I have internet connection

71

Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

16

If you must hide your affection, it isn't worth sharing.
Is it?

18

Dip it in chocolate and it'll be fine.

121

I love sleeping, it's like being dead without the commitment.

9

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell their body parts for money.

14

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

29

What's the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?

It's your attitude.

15

Sarcasm: confusing stupid people and pissing off idiots everywhere.

55

Back in my day I rode my bike without helmet & I turned out fine.
And you know what else?
Back in my day I rode my bike without helmet & I turned out fine.

8

You will be judged by your last bold. Make it count!

4

Wise people read & repost more than they post.

11

People who create their own drama, deserve their own karma.

9

Farting in a pool is not ok either! Not only gas comes out, what if you swallow some?

1

Never be afraid to spend a little extra on 2 things;

a bed & shoes. If you're not in one, you're in the other.

9

"Just one more bite."

*You say, as you eat the rest of it*

15

19°?!
ITS
FUCKING
NICE
AND
WET
SOMEWHERE.

8

Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
Believe.

318

you never really grow up, you only learn how to behave in public

21

Men also have feelings.
For example, we can feel hungry.

16

Reasons I check my voicemail:

1% to hear the message.
99% to get rid of that annoying icon.

10

They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

13

It doesnt matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.

9

People keep
mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.

14

Out of curiosity,
I entered the word wanker into my GPS just to see what happens & guess what?

Put the kettle on cause I'm outside your place.

6

I tried to be normal once.

Worst two minutes of my life.

12

This post is dedicated to whatever youre ignoring in real life to read it.

12

Okay Monday,
you be good to me,
I will be good to you...

17

When will the world acknowledge me as their leader? Probably when they get to know me. Greetings from: Prince Charming. (Shrek)

1

See that big yellow thing in the sky?Yeah.

The world revolves around that, not you.

Get over it.

14

Never judge a book by its movie.

10

A topless post.

6

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

10

My Viagra addiction was the hardest
time of
my life.

15

If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.

14

I'm always frank with my sexual partners.
Dont want them knowing my real name.

21

I don't like the term "old people" can we agree to call them "baby ghosts" instead?

20

Ever wonder how you hold yourself together?

12

Step 1: Change your wifi password to blowmefirst.

Step 2: Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.

9

Ever overreact to something and everyone thinks you're crazy and then hours later you realize they saw what you didn't?

8

Some people are wise . Some People are otherwise.

5

I found Friday yeah!!

It was hiding at the end of the week this whole time.

10

Mornings really should be moved
to a more convenient time of the day.

19

If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors.

7

You know nothing about a woman until she's drunk and mad at you.

22

Ladies if a week goes by & your man isn't confused or terrified by one of your actions, you're not doing your job.

6

I see you're busy. I'll come back later to ruin your free time.

14

Whiskey in the jar

13

It's best to listen to what your body tells you. I asked my body if it wanted to work out today & it told me,

"Listen here fatty, do it and die."

8

You can't buy happiness...but you can buy beer.

10

Are oranges
named orange
'cause they're orange

or is orange
called orange
because oranges
are orange?

8

Excuse me, here's your nose.

I found it in my business.

16

Apology accepted,

trust denied.

2

Sometimes, thinking makes things more complicated.

So, I'd rather not think.

3

Fear has two meanings:

Forget
Everything OR
And
Run
Face
Everything
And
Rise

The choice is yours..!!

6

To all of my bold friends who bother to read my posts & occasionally comment.

You're awesome!

3

"They don't keep me here because I'm gorgeous, they keep me here because I'm smart."

- Judge Judy

4

Yawning is our body's way of saying 20% battery remaining!!!

25

my new excercise routine is running away from people who tell me about their new excercise routine

15

You're a true 90's kid if you ever heard "Get off the Internet.. I need to use the phone."

16

The choice is always yours...
get bitter
or
get better.

8

I feel a Sin Comin on. . .

8

I highly advise you get the fuck out of my way.

Immediately.

6

We enter and exit this world alone.

16

... "i never got a response from you after sending you an email to be the next of kin to my late client who left a huge deposit in my account without a beneficiary to his will."

3

Sometimes
we must
fight
in order
to be free

8

The best part of my car is the cupholder. It's the only thing functioning properly.

21

A man who farts in church sits in his own

pew!!

10

Hey, want to double your iPhone battery life? Put the fucking thing down.

42

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life
-
if I die next thursday.

45

there are people still breathing because i can't afford a hitman..

76

My life is a romantic comedy minus the romance and just me laughing at my own jokes.

111

Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.

180

Tough times never last, but tough people do.

7

"You look pretty today!" Was I ugly yesterday?

5

Like
this
if you're
a
Kiwi.

3

The problem isn't that the pond is too small. But i have to live amongst other fishes, that have never seen the sea

2

Sometimes
you
just
have
to
logout...

4

I have decided to cut back on being sarcastic. I solemnly swear to only be sarcastic on days that begin with T like Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.

5

Every mirror i've looked into lately looks really cool and sexy.

4

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

2

A blind man walks into a bar.....
and a table..... and a chair.....

2

The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

166

I romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast OUR song...

...a 30sec ad video
plays first.

109

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