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Posts Liked by kaylared8

I had a wet dream about you last night.

You did?

Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.

5

Balloons are so weird.

Nothing says, "Happy birthday!" like a plastic bag of my breath.

9

You can call the police, but I'm still kicking your ass until I hear them coming.

8

Taking your ex back is like buying your own shit back from your own garage sale.

6

Maybe Van Gogh cut off his ear because someone traveled back in time and played him a Justin Beiber CD.

6

The next time you get a call from a blocked number answer the phone and say, "It's done, but there's blood everywhere."

73

I may not be the mona lisa but I'd buy me.

63

If you don't mean what you say, shut the fuck up.

6

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