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Posts Liked by kaseypretty14

I'll have a café mocha vodka valium latte to go please.

240

Weekends are like an orgasm.
It takes a lot to get there and when you finally did, it's over in no time...

232

BITCH I'LL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND, NOW WHERE IS IT?!

sir, calm down, your toy is under the mcnuggets.

1

you can stay but your clothes must go*

89

Do you like sleeping? Me too. We should do it together sometime.

99

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

111

a mosquito landed on my balls... hardest decision of my life

114

When a pregnancy test confirms your worst fear: You're just fat.

136

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