Posts Liked by itsbillyWTF

Why fall in love when you can just walk into traffic and achieve the same result?

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

Reasons to get out of bed:

Food •

I wish I knew sign-language, it could become
pretty handy. ?

Listening to someone's story and thinking lies, lies, lies and lies...

Most people
don't realize their opinion is irrelevant as fcuk •

I miss
my friends,
the fun we usually have in class,
the jokes,
the gossips
but not the studying part •

ALOHA
bitches

Men have a basic understanding of complex ideas.

Women have a complex understanding of basic ideas.

Parents are somehow the only people you'd do anything for, but still do anything to move away from.

?.?

i put the pro in procrastinating

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

I love finding money in my clothes.
It's like a gift from me to me.

God is watching you. Give him a show he won't forget.

I’ve heard sex is a killer..

Want to die happy?

YOLO

I DON'T THINK SO

Sometimes our Heart sees what our naked eyes can't.<3:c

if i don't
make it

find me
a wife

and tell her
i love her

That
strange moment when you wake up one minute before your alarm clock •

Release Your Inner Badass.

Every girl is a skank and a slut in the eyes of an irretated woman.

if you see someone crying

ask if it's because of their haircut

that moment
when you
get so bored
at work

you actually
start working

Looking at my watch, yep, it's about time to start slapping people!

If thought bubbles appeared above my head,
I'd be screwed •

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.

Respect old people.

They gratuated school without Google and Wikipedia.

Most people are something, but you are something else.

BRÜSTE
everywhere!
( . )( . )

Vintage:
A word used to defend your clothes when someone calls them ugly.

Love..
is when
you still like someone
even after climaxing •

BUY A TICKET. TAKE THE RIDE.

Be strong and smile
to life even though it hurts sometimes •

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

When I step in the bathroom, I'm teleported to a whole new world. The shower becomes my stage, and the showerhead my microphone.

Blah
Blah
Blah

If you're gonna
be a smartass, first you have
to be smart, otherwise
you're just
an ass •

Who needs April Fools when your entire life is a joke.

the
only
DATES
i get are

UPDATES

My damn iPhone is broken.

I pressed the home button and I'm still at work...

I'm a good boy with a lot of bad habits.

66, 67, 68, 69, mouthwash.

Don't make me angry and then tell me to calm down.

That's like shooting someone and then wondering why he's bleeding.

You want my sexyness? You can't handle my sexyness.

?.?

You maybe born this way,

but that doesn't mean

you have to
stay that way.

I NEVER
DID THE
DISHES
BEFORE

AND
I'M NOT
STARTING
NOW

step aside coffee
this is a job for alcohol

Guess what I saw today..

Everything I looked at •

You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear •

This is not the greatest bold in the world, no.
This is just a tribute.

don't let the propeller hat fool you

i have no idea how to fly this plane

Dear Alarm Clock,

It might be you they hit on, but it's me they're sleeping with.

Sincerely,
Bed

don't let your happiness depend on something you may lose.

WHAT YOU THINK
OF YOURSELF
IS MUCH MORE
IMPORTANT
THAN WHAT
OTHER PEOPLE
THINK OF YOU.

It's not about what they call you, but what you answer to.

maybe some people are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together

They say it's just a heartbreak, but it hurts in my whole body

Find the guy who turns to his friends and says "That's her".

A good deeds a day keep your heart healthy •

I could get any man I want, but you know, Ben and Jerry are my favorite two so I'm good.

Always delete drunk texts while you're still drunk.

It's like it never happened.

drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me

On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.

LOVE
= IS =
LOVE

A cold
weather
gives people
an absolute motivation..
motivation of
doing nothing •

Daily routine:

wake up
be awesome
go back to sleep

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

ideas
live
on
their
own

Mal sehen wer's OHNE Google weiß;)

Wie heißen die Einwohner Rio de janeiros ?

Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.

I've wondered, when cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Well played vodka, well played...

You'd look cute in a 'hug-yourself-jacket'

"Everything has a reason"

When I punch you in your face, remember,
I have a reason.

I have a great idea for getting rich.

All we need is a lot of money.

My girlfriend does this cute little thing where she doesn't exist.

I'm not actually funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

We
all have
that one friend
that makes everything so damn sexual •

take
me to paradise

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Don't
tell me to use my brain!
I don't need it when I deal with you •

After lunch pornstar m o a n.

Fuck LOL!

Here's a dictionary with complete words !
Take it, go away & have fun! <3

Let's do the rabbit thing.

wish everyone an egg-stra eggcellent easter weekend

Don't
let your
emotions
overcome
your
intelligence •

I'm not actually funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

Pretending to work all day can be quite exhausting.

life is short. have loud sex.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

what ever happened to sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll?
all we've got left is aids, crack and techno!

Sex? No thanks, my life fucks me every day

Eine FRAU glücklich zu machen ist ganz einfach!

Man muss nur ein...

1. Freund
2. Partner
3. Liebhaber
4. Bruder
5. Vater
6. Lehrer
7. Erzieher
8. Koch
9. Mechaniker
10. Monteur
11. Architekt
12. Stylist
13. Elektriker
14. Klempner
15. Gynäkologe
16. Psychologe / Psychiater
17. Therapeut
18. Lebensberater

und dabei muss man(n) gleichzeitig...

19. zuvorkommend
20. sympathisch
21. durchtrainiert
22. liebevoll
23. aufmerksam
24. gentlemanlike
25. intelligent
26. einfallsreich
27. kreativ
28. einfühlsam
29. stark
30. verständnisvoll
31. tolerant
32. bescheiden
33. ehrgeizig
34. fähig
35. mutig
36. entschieden
37. vertrauensvoll
38. respektvoll
39. hingebungsvoll
40. leidenschaftlich
41. und vor allem zahlungsfähig sein!

Gleichzeitig sollte man darauf achten, dass

a) man nicht eifersüchtig ist, aber dennoch nicht uninteressiert.
b) man sich mit seiner Familie gut versteht, ihr aber nicht mehr Zeit widmet als der Frau.
c) man ihr Raum lässt, sich aber besorgt zeigt, wo sie war und was sie gemacht hat.

Einen MANN glücklich zu machen ist bei weitem nicht so leicht!!

Der Mann braucht:

1. SEX
2. ESSEN

Die meisten Frauen sind mit diesen vielfältigen Bedürfnissen natürlich TOTAL überfordert. Was lernen wir daraus? Ein harmonisches Zusammenleben ist gar nicht so schwer - würden wir Männer ENDLICH erkennen, dass wir unsere hohen Ansprüche ein klein wenig zurückschrauben müssen !!!

I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you' re in prison.

When you feel that nobody loves you,
nobody cares for you,
everyone is ignoring you,
and people are jealous of you.
You should really ask yourself:

Am I too sexy?!

Don't add winky face emoticons to anything unless you want me to take it sexually.

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

The brain named itself.
Just wanted to throw that out there.

You are
the average of the five people you spend the most time with •

Smile..
It might
not make your problems disappear,
but it will stop people from asking what's wrong with you •

Bevors' peinlich wird,
frag ich lieber Google •

My daily routine:
wake up
bold
get up
bold
school
bold
be awesome
bold
school
bold
go back to sleep

If we are not supposed to eat animals, why would they be made out of meat?

Grease!

Speaking is silver.

Writing is Bold.

"I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow is another day and
I believe in miracles."

$(you have a) (fucking huge) (head, kid) o º • | \Õ || II$

If you don't remember yesterday today, then you must have done something last night very wrong very right.

If you want to fire me, tell me one day in advance, so I can put on my Batman costume.

Brainwashed

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them...

I'm not perfect

never have been

never will be

Love can't be found where it doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

I would rather cuddle then have sex.
If you're good with grammar, you'll get it.

LET'S RIOT

I'm not stupid, I'm just unlucky when I think.

When money speaks, the truth is silent

Wanna read something funny?

Something funny.

Accidental eye contact can either be cute, awkward or creepy...

What does a cat and a fork have in common?
They both have tails, except the fork.

Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing •

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

I hate it when the world moves on without my prior approval.

I fart on the first date.

o single
o taken
x I'm sexy
and I know it

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it.

just had a group of giggeling japanese girls asking me: "excuse us, we love hipsters can we take a photo with you?"

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile..
then walk into a pole •

Love can't be found where it doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

There are over 7 billion people on the earth and you're going to let 1 person ruin your day?
DON'T

Keep Calm..
and
let's be
weird
together •

I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It`s still alive, but its hair looks amazing!

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning

don't play hard to get, play hard to forget.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That's why girls wear make up and boys lie.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

why are
you trying
so hard
to fit in,

when you
were born to

stand out?

Friends are like potatoes. I don't have any potatoes.

I wished people looked like their personalities

You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness •

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.

Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe...
at night... behind a tree...alone...

"You are what you eat" - That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately...

I just want you to be happy..
and maybe
a little bit naked •

EVERYBODY'S SO FUCKIN' TALENTED THESE DAYS..

there are so many creepy people here

Walking around the kitchen like Pac Man when you're hungry.

What it reads:
Do not touch!

What I read:
Touch when no one is looking!

No matter how much you hate school,
you'll miss it when it ends •

Don't
let your fear of change stop you from finding happiness •

i organized a threesome last night... There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time!

when i was a kid, i wanted to be older...
this shit is not what i expected.

I hate those moments right before you go to sleep,
when you are forced to think about all the things you tried so hard to forget •

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Always rise above the drama.

STRESS IS
CAUSED BY GIVING A FUCK.

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it into the air...worst transformer ever...

Your face is not a coloring book, chill with the makeup.

Because fuck you, that's why.

DON'T YOU TYPE AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

It doesn't matter how old you are - if a ballon is about to hit the floor, you dive for that shit.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

When a package says "easy open" and you end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a chainsaw just to get it open...

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did except you •

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...

and spiders...
FUCK SPIDERS!!!

Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching you.

I hate it when my phone decides to randomly jump out of my hand and attack the floor •

My love is like a candle.

because if you forget me ill burn your fucking house to the ground.

Open your mind before your mouth.

I'll follow you! Into your bedroom... Yeah, it's not as appealing as it is on twitter.

Women are like iPhones..
you have to touch them all over before they respond.

Men are like Blackberries..
rub one ball and everything moves •

My life is a romantic comedy minus the romance and just me laughing at my own jokes.

shit happens I mean... just look at your face.

When I'm available no one texts me.
When I'm busy... BAM! ...still no one texts me.

$\ •.• / -$ $- ### Waikiikii Meerschweinchen<3 Von Laura Für Henni *-*$

a fact of life:
after monday and tuesday even the calender says W T F.....

I just awesomed all over the place.

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

The Big Bang Theory
+
How i met your Mother
+
Two and a half Men
=
How i banged your Mother with two and a half men!

$Make little things count. Teach midgets math.$

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

You are only as good as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on and the friends you roll with.

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed