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Posts Liked by ImAPenguin

Wednesday
It's almost, kind of, sorta, close to, just about, nearly the weekend.

74

If I had to rate my stress,
I'd say I'm pretty close to 2007 Britney

22

Wenn das die Lösung ist,
dann hätte ich gerne mein Problem wieder.

47

That moment when you pour a bowl of cereal but realise there is no milk, so you just stand there wondering why bad things happen to good people.

98

Verlasse dich auf dein Herz, es schlug schon bevor du denken konntest!

34

I have noticed an oddity in quiet observations over the years, which is how most people react not by showering a person verbally with compliments they have recognized posseses a gift, instead the trend is very clear because the reaction is always exactly the same across all boards-when people realize they have stumbled upon someone who has a true talent for something the reaction is always: silence. (If you're the talented party, this trend in reactions of silence to your demonstration of talent really makes you wonder if talent is what's really going on here...)

5

Ich bin "auf MTV liefen Musikvideos" Jahre alt!

35

Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

135

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

151

WHAT YOU GET BY ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT YOU BECOME BY ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS

11

You can choose to make a million excuses or a million dollars.

18

people aren't lazy

they simply have goals that don't inspire them enough

18

Früher war alles besser.
Gestern zum Beispiel,
da war Sonntag.

32

Solange man nicht zur Coca Cola Life Zielgruppe gehört, geht's eigentlich.

14

Mondays are for cancelling all your other plans for the week.

14

Yesterday I lost a good friend to a tragic accident. They got their finger caught in a wedding ring.

114

Manchmal ertappe ich mich dabei, wie ich mit mir selbst rede. Und dann lachen wir beide.

44

I'm sorry you use your food allergy to describe yourself.

11

ONCE YOU KILL A COW

YOU GOTTA MAKE A BURGER

12

You know what you should be for halloween?

Mine.

30

People always will judge you and everytime they do, punch them in the face with your unconcerned smile.

105

Just blew the sugar off my donut....

Dieting is hard!

16

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

Es gibt Tage, da wirst du mit dem Kopfschütteln einfach nicht fertig!

42

Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

111

Honesty
is better than sugar coated bullshit.

113

yay finally snow, so excited, can't wait to trip every morning because it's icy and wear 27 layers of clothes and still freeze my soul out

17

There's this young boy on the train reading comics on his iPad. Irony, isn't it?

17

Fuck nudes.

Send me clothes,
I need new clothes.
Thanks.

23

Mit diesen Selfiestangen haben wir ja damals noch den Müll auf dem Pausenhof aufgesammelt...

54

you think you're cool but actually you're just 37°C

23

I want my last words to be "hey, wanna see a dead body?"

22

I like to push my body to the limit, but not in the healthy living way more in the how much pasta can I eat before I am unable to physically move way

20

all I need is like 10 billion dollars and a puppy

15

excuse me, what did you say?
I can't hear you,
I have an ear disease called
I don't fucking care.

26

How do I gain 3-5 years experience when every job requires 3-5 years experience?

37

"Everything on your resume was a lie,
I like that.
Welcome to sales!"

30

Es ist wirklich hart ein Kaktus zu sein, ständig bist du spitz und keiner will dich anfassen.

34

My eyes are saying sleep, but my mind is saying internet

35

My doctor told me to watch my drinking so I found a few places with mirrors behind the bar.

110

i want to fuck you so bad right now.

damn autocorrect..

i meant hey.

175

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong even autocorrect can't figure out what you meant.

14

Ich habe meine Ernährung umgestellt,
die Kekse stehen jetzt links vom Laptop.

3

Ich wollte heute Sport machen,
jetzt ist es aber so, dass mir eben ein Haar ausgefallen ist. Das ist mir jetzt zu heikel.

Gesundheit geht vor!

3

ich sage ja nicht,
dass wir alle
dummen menschen loswerden müssen, aber könnten wir nicht einfach alle warnhinweise entfernen und den dingen ihren freien lauf lassen?

4

Ich fühle mich,
als könnte ich Bäume ausreissen.
Also, kleine Bäume.
Vielleicht Bambus. Oder Blumen.
Na gut.
Gras. Gras geht.

6

"I'm a great fucking person so if I cut you off it's only because I love myself too much to be treated less than what I deserve"

26

It takes a lot to make me angry, but some people know exactly how to piss me off within 0.2 seconds

30

Am I the only person that texts people like 4 messages at a time that could easily be put in one?

19

Really all you need to know about the american health care system is that there's a popular tv series where a man turns to cooking industrial quantities of crystal meth in order to pay his hospital bills.

20

It's okay if you don't like me, not everyone has good taste.

70

IDGAF
=
I don't give away food

21

“That will be $1.5 million please. I'll take it in cash, check or a transfer. I'm not greedy. I just want my half."

13

fuck average

you can have that

15

Früher war alles besser, gestern war zum Beispiel noch Wochenende.

27

ok but consider this:

- who cares

61

why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

85

I hate when people think you're lying just because you laugh

78

isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that's just like
"i don't know how to hold a pencil"

90

if you punch yourself and it hurts, are you weak or strong?

155

That moment when you must recorrect auto correct correcting you, to properly swear in a text message.

44

Two Things
Define You !
Your Patience When You Have Nothing,
and Your Attitude
When You Have
Everything .

50

Balloons
are so weird like Have A Happy Birthday !
Here's A plastic
SACK of my BREATH !

101

I Hate when I Plan my Day..
And Nobody Follow's
The Script !!

142

I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.

156

If it takes someone 12 minutes to get the straw into the Capri Sun, this should give you some indication as to what they are like in bed.

Back away slowly, then run fast, run far.

145

Mit der Jogginghose bin ich ungefähr so oft gejoggt, wie ich mit der Küchenrolle durch die Küche gerollt bin.

56

Travelling is like love

If it's over it hurts.

66

The moment
You Put your Fone in your pocket Without Lock-It...

And You Take it out and Find,
You Broke up With Your Boyfriend, Sold
Yourself On EBAY,
And Joined ISIS

27

I'm Sorry
I Didn't Realise You Were an Expert on my Life,
Wait a Minute While I Get a Pen To Take Note's. ?

39

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

257

In which language would you prefer I tell you how much I do not give a shit?

I have my translator app open, fire away.

42

In which language would you prefer I tell you how much I do not give a shit?

I have my translator app open, fire away.

182

Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can count on, are my fingers.

192

Die meisten Menschen bekommen eine Meinung, wie man einen Schupfen bekommt:

Durch Ansteckung.

26

middle fingers up if you dont give a fuck

146

Wieso sind Menschen eigentlich immer nur mit ihrem Aussehen unzufrieden und nie mit ihrem Hirn?

41

your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

152

because you can't grill salad

89

I don't like morning people.

Or mornings.

Or people.

42

I don't want good morning texts

I want good morning transfers to my bank account

39

"so do you have a special someone in your life?"

"yes. me, I'm awesome. I think I'm the one."

47

Sometimes,
the right words
just show up at
the right time.

131

ich wünschte ich hätte hausverbot in meinem kopfkino

51

walk with me on the shady side of life

102

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