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Posts Liked by iamtheone

I could totally be a morning person if my coffee maker brewed beer instead of coffee.

20

Mama said a penis is like an elbow...
don't put it on the table during lunch.

30

Now, spread your legs and try to tell me about your day...

17

Sex is a sensation
caused by a temptation.
A guy sticks his location, in a girls destination.
To increase population of the next generation.
Do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?

121

There is a time and place for whiskey,
in my hands and now.

23

I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got three followers so far but I think at least two are cops.

135

If you receive a text from me late night, please discard it.

My phone is drunk.

54

Bumping into your ex or as I call it: Zombie apocalypse

18

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