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Posts Liked by fando

Bedtime is wonderful because I get to do two things I love: nap and worry.

83

Money is like manure. If we spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if we pile it up, it stinks.

196

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

458

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

353

A lot of people cry when they cut onions, the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

396

The trouble with jogging is, by the time you realize you're not fit for it, it's too far to walk back •

409

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?... That's common sense leaving your body.

395

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