Posts Liked by Dalie

You are the proof that God has a sense of humor

Ich bin im Allgemeinen kerngesund.

Bis auf meinen kranken Humor, vielleicht.

If I didn't have
a sense of humor,

I'd have
no sense at all.

Humor bewahrt die Würde auf die schönste Art und Weise

My humor is for my enjoyment.
It is inconsequential if you get it or not.

Mensch freu dich oft und lache tüchtig,
noch ist Humor nicht steuerpflichtig!

i'm going to pray to God that some people get their sense of humor back!

Black Humor - only for those who are smart enough.

if you don't like my sense of humor please tell me...so i can laugh at you!

Mein Humor ist so schwarz, der geht gleich Baumwolle pflücken.

Das beste Mittel gegen eine Überdosis Realität ist
Humor!

Having a dark sense of humor, is just a natural way to deal with how fucked up the world is

ugh, it's called a sense of humor. you should get one-they're nice.

In some beings the sense of humor does not have the appropriate strength.

$Ich werde zu oft auf mein Äußeres reduziert. Meine Bösartigkeit, der verdorbene Charakter und mein geschmackloser Humor bleiben total auf der Strecke. \ / @ @ -$

How many germans do you need to change a lightbulb?

One!
We are efficient and don´t have humor.

If you don't like my sense of humor, just tell me, so I can rethink my life and become a better person.

Oh wait, actually, I don't care.

Mein Humor ist sehr simpel:

Wenn ich lache, war es lustig.

I like the type of people whose sense of humor may be described as "inappropriate with a chance of ruining family dinner."

What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

Sometimes our walls exist just to see who has the strength to knock
them down.

Darnell Lamont

When you get angry, take a deep breath and count to ten.

When you get to eight, throw a punch.

No one ever expects that.

Walls only keep you, if you're afraid to climb.

FCUK
I
JUST
CRACKED
MY HALO (+_+)

ALCOHOL INCREASES THE SIZE OF THE 'SEND' BUTTON BY 89%.

THE ANSWER MAY NOT LIE IN THE BOTTOM OF A WINE BOTTLE....
BUT YOU SHOULD AT LEAST CHECK !

Alcohol is poision and there are things in me I want to kill

It's true alcohol kills people.
But how many are born because of it?

Alcohol goes in, Philosopher comes out.

If alcohol isn't the answer, then obviously you're asking me the wrong question.

Step aside coffee, this is a job for alcohol.

"People who shine from within don't need the spotlight."

Some people
only hate
you because
of the way
others love
you

We live in an era of
smart "phones"
and
stupid "people"

The people talking behind my back make me laugh.

They found their place behind me.

How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you.

STAY AWAY
FROM
NEGATIVE
PEOPLE.

THEY HAVE
A PROBLEM
FOR EVERY SOLUTION.

You'd have better luck connecting to wifi in a submarine than you would connecting to me

Ignoring people is also a very social thing I do.

I came

I saw

and I left.

People keep
mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.

The problem with some people is that they're breathing

I've found that 90% of my happiness in any situation depends on whether I have the option to avoid small talk.

People who Laugh with you through the hard times are people you want around for the good times!!

Free coffee is the only reason people have jobs.

People
who dont understand sarcasm
are awesome.

The world is
a magical place
filled with people
just waiting
to be offended
by something.

I have a 6th sense, I see dumb people.

some people just need a hug

...around the neck

...with a rope.

Everything
in life
has the
potential
to be
funny •

Wanna read something funny?

Something funny.

It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word..
we're screaming inside but we can't be heard •

I'm not actually funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or talented or smart

um, I forgot where I was going with this

I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

WE ARE ALL LIVING IN CAGES WITH THE DOORS WIDE OPEN.

JUST BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AT ONE POINT DOSEN'T MEAN I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

I'M NOT WHITNEY HOUSTON!

If you're lucky enough to be different from everyone else, don't change.

• •
Sometimes you
put walls up not
to keep people
out but to see
who cares enough
to break them...
• •

Just when
you think you know people, they disappoint you in ways you never thought they could •

'People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves.'

having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage not weakness

A good friend can be seen in bad days.

DO WHAT
IS RIGHT,
NOT WHAT
IS EASY.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge.

~ Don Henley

Lifes is not a fairytale.

If you loose a shoe at midnight, you're drunk.

They say that right before death, your life will flash before you like a movie.

Your goal in life should be to make that movie the best one you'll ever see

Time is like a river..
you cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again..
enjoy every moment of life •

Don't pay attention to this post, I'm standing alone in public so I'm doing this to make it look like I'm texting.

some people are like clouds, when they disappear its a better day.

People think that being alone makes you lonely, but I don't think that's true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.

I'm not angry that you disappoint me again, i'm angry at me that i trust you again.

at the end of the day you're the only person who needs to love you in order for you to be happy.

I miss going to bed with absolutely nothing on my mind •

I wish I had never loved you, because no matter how hard I try, now I cannot hate you.

Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?

Mom says "Alcohol is your enemy"

Jesus says "Love your enemy"

Case closed.

Let's put on party hats and celebrate the fact that we look stupid wearing party hats.

I'm in the

"I need 2 packs cigarettes and a bottle of vodka"

mood.

It's not a fight and it's not a struggle. It's a mantra, a decision that you repeat over and over. To be better than you were, kinder than you feel, and to love, even when you feel nothing loves you back.

I don't appreciate
your lack of sarcasm.

Some of the best moments in your life are the ones that you can't tell anybody about.

And maybe you feel empty, and someone took your smile away. But, you've a heart of joy and laughter, and you will find it, again.

" SOFTNESS IS NOT WEAKNESS,
IT TAKES COURAGE, TO STAY DELICATE IN A WORLD SO CRUEL."

(ME:)

I bet in 2000 years they are gonna be digging up the rubble of our destroyed earth and they will find a Nokia still on half battery.

NEVER LET YOUR FRIEND'S FEEL LONELY..
DISTURB THEM ALL THE TIME...

There's something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.

The risk I took was calculated..

But man,

I'm bad at math..

YOU
NEED TO EAT SNICKERS BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE ,,,

MY THEORY IS IF YOU LOOK CONFIDENT
YOU CAN PULL OFF ANYTHING - EVEN IF YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

WIFE.LOOK AT THAT DRUNK GUY,
HUSBAND.WHO IS HE?
WIFE. 10yrs BACK PROPOSED TO ME AND I REJECTED HIM.
HUSBAND. OH MY !! HE'S STILL CELEBRATING...

LORD GIVE ME COFFEE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN CHANGE AND MARGARITAS TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN'T ...

I HEARD YOU'RE A PLAYER.. NICE TO MEET YOU I'M THE COACH.

DO YOU BUY YOUR PANT'S ON SALE ?

BECAUSE AT MY HOUSE THEY WOULD BE 100% OFF ^_~

WHOEVER THINK'S MONEY DOSEN'T BRING HAPPINESS..

TRANSFER IT OVER TO MY ACCOUNT 8-)

I AM
THANKFUL
TO ALL THOSE DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE,
THEY HAVE
SHOWN ME
HOW EXACTLY
WHO I DO NOT
WANT TO BE .

SO WHAT'S
YOUR FAVOURITE DRINK?

THE NEXT ONE !

I WOULD LIKE TO APPOLOGISE TO ANYONE I HAVE NOT YET OFFENDED....

PLEASE BE PATIENT I WILL GET TO YOU SHORTLY.

MEN KICK FRIENDSHIP AROUND LIKE A FOOTBALL,AND IT DOSEN'T SEEM TO CRACK,
WOMEN TREAT IT LIKE GLASS AND IT GOES TO PIECES?

You don't have to save me.

But it's a good feeling to know, that you would.

Society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers people

you will never look like the girl in the magazine, the girl in the magazine doesn't even look like the girl in the magazine.

CONGRATULATIONS!

my tallest finger wants to give you a standing ovation.

Zettelchen unter das Bett geklebt, für das Monster!

Es möge heute Nacht bitte oben schlafen, fühle mich einsam...

Der höchste Lohn für unsere Bemühungen ist nicht das, was wir bekommen, sondern das, was wir dadurch werden.

the last time i was inside a woman was when i went to the statue of liberty.

If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle to others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself.

(Nikita Gill)

Always...

• Prof. Severus Snape

WHAT A STRANGE WORLD THIS WOULD BE IF WE ALL HAD THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOUR.

99% OF SOCKS ARE SINGLE AND YOU DON'T SEE THEM CRY ABOUT IT ?

"On the journey to myself
I've been so many people."

JOBS FÜLLEN DEINE BRIEFTASCHE,
ABENTEUER FLÜLLEN DEINE SEELE.

I am under no obligation to make sense to you

i have no more money to pay attention

I WENT BY THE THE HOUSE I GREW UP IN,AND ASKED COULD I GO AND HAVE A LOOK AROUND, THEY SAID NO AND SLAMMED THE DOOR.

PARENT'S CAN BE JERKS !

we are friends so remember if you fall i will pick you up after i finished laughing

You speak like something
I wrote when
I was drunk.

LIFE isn't meant to Be Easy
It's meant To Be

LIVED

sometime's Happy Other's
Rough,

But with every Up and
Down It make's YOU Learn
lesson's That make you
STRONG...

If you are going to be weird,
be confident about it.

OH NO THIS ISN'T COLA !
IT'S BLACK WATER YOU WOULD'NT LIKE IT

SWEETIE,

YOU CAN'T SIMPLY SPRINKLE BULLSHIT WITH SUGAR AND CALL IT A CUPCAKE!

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I JUST WANTED TO BE OLDER,
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING !

IT's OK IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME,
NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD TASTE?

" HIS MOTHER SHOULD HAVE THROWN HIM AWAY AND KEPT THE STORK."

most people love sunsets

only because they're too sleepy to watch the sunrise

AS WE GET OLDER,OUR CHRISTMAS LIST GET'S
SMALLER AND WE FIND OUT THE THING'S WE REALLY WANT CAN'T BE BOUGHT.

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

-Winnie The Pooh

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love....

Use your madness to create your masterpiece.

WHO CLOSE'S
THE DOOR WHEN THE BUS DRIVER GET'S OFF?

"NOT WHAT WE HAVE BUT WHAT WE ENJOY,
CONSTITUTES
OUR ABUNDANCE."

If you consider the price per kilo,
the powder in a Nespresso capsule should be white.

WHAT
THE
EYE
DON'T
SEE
THE
HEART
DON'T
GRIEVE
FOR.

I don't need an inspirational quote, what I need is a freaking cup of coffee!

We live and then someone comes and makes you feel alive...

The more your mind is confused, the more you should listen to your heart.

AVOID AWKWARD SILENCES
TAKE THE STAIRS!

I tripped and fell in love.

Don't worry, I brushed that shit off.

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

bad decisions make good stories

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

if you have a why to live, you can bear almost any how

HAVE YOU EVER SAT AND THOUGHT
FK,
I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF SHIT!

I don't believe in guilty pleasures. If you fucking like something,

like it.

"OH DONT WORRY
IM JUST DECOMPOSING."

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

SUICIDE

DOSENT TAKE AWAY THE PAIN

IT GIVES IT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

"There Used To Be a Real ME, But I had It Surgically Removed."

You know you're fucked when those late night thoughts start hitting you in the middle of the day..

$\••/ I THINK BEES TEACH US AN IMPORTANT LESSON, YOU MAY BE SMALL,YOU MAY BE TINY, BUT WHEN YOU'RE CHASING SOMEBODY WITH A SHARP OBJECT...... PEOPLE STILL RUN AWAY FROM YOU..$

IF I CREATED
A PREGNANCY TEST APP...

I WONDER HOW MANY PEOPLE I COULD CONVINCE TO PEE ON THEIR PHONE

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

Is "Fuck you" an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking so I found a few places with mirrors behind the bar.

Don't
Judge a Person For Drinking & Swearing.

Judge The Quiet Sober one's
Those Fkrs are Alway's Up To Something !!

imagine that an invisible army of angels

is constantly conspiring

to bring about your greatest potential

your greatest joy

your greatest good

The Best way to Tell someone you don't like Them Is To Text Them

"370HSSV O773H"
And Tell Them To Read

Upside Down !!

If you don't think I'm a princess then you are 100% right because I'm the fucking queen.

you are the
tree standing
in the middle
of a hurricane
with both middle
fingers up in the air.

Sometimes I look us and I tell myself that the gods had a great sense of humor !

Always
Trust
Your Heart,
It may be on the left,
But it is always Right x

The prettiest people do the ugliest things.

Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking than men actually spend time thinking.

ASKHOLE
A Person who
Constantly Asks
For Your Advice,

Yet Always Does
The opposite
of what you told
Them ?

mom said follow your dreams
so I went back to bed:

I Have The Body of a god...

( unfortunatly it's a BUDDA)

if i was a bird i know who id shit on....do u?

I
love
people
who
make
me
smile
even
if
I
Don't
Want To xxx

Dance like no one is watching!!

Because
Their not..

They're checking
Their Phones. <*.*>

The Fact There's a Highway to HELL
and only a Stairway to Heaven..
Say's a Lot of
Anticipated
Traffic Number's

Real Pain is when you offer somebody your Food just to be polite.....And They say Yes And Take It :-(

universal lies

1. I'm not drunk
2. let's stay friends
3. she's just a friend
4. I'll start a diet tomorrow

We're the best type of friends. We encourage each other to be more and more socially unacceptable.

95% of the time when I'm smiling at my phone it's because of something I said, not something someone sent me. I'm hilarious.

Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.

You're gonna lose people in your life and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how much you appreciate them and told them so, it will never seem like it was enough.

shortest horror story:

Monday

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

Sometimes you have to destroy something to create something new.

See your beauty without a compliment or a mirror

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

call a woman beautiful a billion times and she'll never believe you. call a woman ugly once and she'll never forget it.

There are times when we must be hurt in order to grow,we must lose in order to gain...because some lessons in life are best learned through Pain!!

Funny how the heart
can be deceiving..
more than just a
couple times •

The eyes speak
louder than words at times.

I like the
times you
flirt with me..
I hate the next day when you ignore me •

good coffee
-
good
times

Those who stick by your side through your worst times are the ones that deserve to be with you through your best times.. <3 ~ching~

Find Arms That Will Hold You At Your Weakest Times Eyes That Will See Your Beauty At Your Uglest Times And A Heart That Will Love You At Your Worst

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

some times your heart needs to take more time to understand what your head already knows

All I want is to love you,
Hold you and be held,
Whisper words of love,
Show you that I care,
Hold your hand,
Take long walks,
Have quite times,
And heart-to-heart talks,
Dance beneath the stars above,
Shower you with all my love,
Be close to you, not only in heart,
Cause it hurts so much to be apart.

I just knew we'd be friends forever from the moment I discovered that you also have no filter for your bitchy and sarcastic thoughts.

Hairdresser: "do you like it?"

Me: "yes thank you."

*goes home and cries*

When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask "Are you sleeping?"

"No, I'm training to die."

Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you've had enough to eat.

Date your grandma.

I like my bed more than I like most people.

I really need to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" Some people are starting to take it as a personal challenge.

I know I should respect your opinion but I find that difficult because you're a fucking idiot.

I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.

I'm that friend that would never steal a dollar from you but if you walk out of the room I'm stealing 4 fries.

I will ignore you so hard, you will start to doubt your own existance.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the middle ones for you.

Don't be sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember... nobody loves you any other day of the year either.

If you could read my mind, I'm pretty sure you'd be traumatized for life.

Person: you're blocking the view.

Me: I am the view.

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

someone told me "have a good morning"...

what about the rest of my day motherfucker.

manchmal denke ich nur: hoffentlich bin ich bald besoffen.

No seriously...

Some of you people need to start going to church because I don't want you in hell with me.

I don't see,
I don't hear,
I don't speak,

.. but fuck you

Moms are so fake when people come over.

The secret to life is to not give a fuck.

kann man so machen, dann wird's halt scheisse.

We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours

One day, I will solve my
problems with maturity.

Today, however, it
will be with alcohol.

hearing my voice on a recording makes me want to apologize to every single person I've ever talked to.

Es heisst ja "Guten Morgen", weil "Halt die Fresse und geh sterben" gesellschaftlich nicht so akzeptiert ist.

What's worse than finding a spider in your house?

Losing it.

That one person that is evil as fuck but everyone likes them and you get so pissed because nobody sees how evil they are.

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

may the bridges I burn light the way

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,

I thought voldemort was ugly,

But then I saw you.

i am haunted by thoughts of you.

and i seem
to need it.

Why
fall
in
love
when
you
can
fall
into
a
volcano?

If people can use "LOL" without even laughing, surely they can say "I LOVE YOU" without even loving. Don't be fooled.

Be
brave
enough
to
break
your
own
heart.

what the
fuck was i
thinking?

fuck.

That annoying moment when you done something over the normal stupid...

The night.

When you really
think about it,
isn't it strange?

I need a hug.........e bottle of vodka.

Every person is a new door to a different world.

I'm so glad
I had a childhood
before
technology
took over.

When I was a child my mother said to me, "If
you are a soldier, you
will become a general.
If you are a monk, you
will become the Pope."
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

- Picasso

die with memories,
not dreams.

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

I live for the nights that I can't remember with the people I won't forget.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

When you're
prepared for the pain,
I think it hurts more.

Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth

rabbits jump and live 8 years. dogs run and live 15 years. turtles do nothing and live 150 years, lesson learned.

WHOEVER IS PRAYING FOR
SNOW
PLEASE STOP

People are
assholes. Just
make sure you're
not the toilet paper.

We
all
have
that
one
friend
that
we
greet
with
an
insult.

Half of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings.

It hurts when you have someone in your heart, but you can't have them in your arms.

I'll be the one if you want me to.

No one makes me
smile like you do.

Tequila + me = lucky you!

Sometimes it's
not the butterflies that tell you you're in love, but the pain •

I wonder how many calories bitches burn by jumping to conclusions

Don't hate what you
don't understand

Men look at a women's behind and think "Wow, what an ass!"

Women look at a man's face and think the same thing.

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will stick back together.

A world

with a little less selfies

and a little more selfless.

Get a condom for your heart; I'm about to fuck your feelings.

cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life

"Mom, why do the best people die?"

"When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?"

"The most beautiful ones."

SOMETIMES YOU THINK YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR

BUT ALL YOU WANT IS TO BE FOUND ...

Words
cannot
express
how
much
I
don't
care.

Es ist besser mit den richtigen Leuten durch den Regen zu laufen, als mit den falschen in der Sonne zu liegen.

sometimes you just need to trust and see what happens.

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

Singing to a song you don't really know... But that 15 second part you do know is coming and your gonna own that shit.

Day
Dreamer
Night
Thinker

Maybe I love too much and maybe I show it too little.

Let's get drunk
and tell each other how
we really feel •

if you broke my heart i would still scoop up the pieces and put them in your hands...

die with memories,
not dreams.

i met you
i let you
hold me
unfold me
hug me
fuck me
to me it felt true
but not to you
all gone cold

story told

Look me in the eye
while I wrap myself
around your soul.

Speak to me in laboured whispers, your heart, searching for mine.

There, you'll find my truth; restless, wanting, and waiting, for yours.

WALK OF SHAME:

Checking my phone after a night of drinking.

Remember
Tears
are
also
just
water

Flowers
need
water
to
grow

So maybe
after you cried
a flower will grow

And your
eyes were
my stars
in the night

And your
breath was
the melody
of the wind

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them •

FRENCH PEOPLE ARE SO HARDCORE THEY EAT "PAIN" FOR BREAKFAST.

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Don't be ashamed of who you are.

That's your parents job.

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once, because you never really left.

Our love is like dominoes.

I fall for you.

And you fall for another.

Kiss me
under the
light of a
thousand
stars

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything