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Posts Liked by cwistimbo

People complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.

95

Gonna put a selfie on top of the Christmas tree because I am the star •

102

Your yoga pants make your ass look like you've never done yoga.

18

The most honest compliment of a man?

A boner.

15

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

121

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

85

I look
like I need
another drink

20

May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.

70

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