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Posts Liked by annashelm

Orgasms are a lot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don't really care if you don't have any pizza.

20

How do you forgive someone that literally destroyed you?

How do you forgive someone you never thought you'd hear from again?

7

Be with a guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.

44

in the end we only regret the chances we didn't take

9

Being ugly on the inside should change how you look on the outside.

18

the only 10 you are is on the pH scale because bitch you're basic

32

Kiss me like your ex is watching

256

Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker

28

* I love you
* *
je t'aime
* * *
te quiero
*
* jag älskar dig
* *
ich liebe dich *

so many ways to say it,
yet so difficult to say,
and almost impossible to understand...

20

Rape is not sex,
rape is violence.

22

I drink because I'm single,

I'm single because I drink.

43

what else can we do?
Just love,
just live,
just give what we can give,
and take what little we deserve.

7

i had barbie dolls, but
only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.

11

Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

Because they're plugged into a genius!

21

Why did God give men penises?

So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

8

Treat me like a Queen and I'll treat you like a King.

Treat me like game and I'll show you how its played.

17

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

If your heart still hurts, it means you still care.

72

my milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard
but he's like i'm lactose intolerant

20

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

494

HELLO DENMARK

33

When a girl cancels a date, she has to.
When a guy cancels a date, he has two.

17

a lot of adults make fun of our generation but sometimes they forget that they're the ones who raised it

108

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

590

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someones double vodka!

41

Let's role play,

I'll be Burger King and you'll be McDonalds -

I'll have it my way and you'll be loving it.

76

life hack:

you can't do anything wrong if you do nothing at all

14

oh, you're so pretty.

but your personality killed it.

19

man känner sig så dålig när någon säger, du är inte svensk för du har inget blond hår.

5

some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about

160

I found your nose.

Its in my business again.

135

don't remember please

9

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

582

"If i were a d-ck this day would be perfect! Because it sucks! (Customer of mine)

1

We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.

11

Ich hätte gerne ein Fleisch-
tätschchen mit Käse und frittierten Kartoffelstäb-chen..

11

We have our eyes closed when we pray, kiss, cry or wish, for some important things are not best seen, but felt by heart (guggigirl)

8

dear monday,
i want to break up.
i'm seeing tuesday and dreaming about friday.
sincerely, it's not me, it's you.

35

the easiest way to get over someone is
to get under someone else

30

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

86

Me: I wanna look good today.
Body: No.
Hair: Nope.
Face: Nice try.

85

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.
I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

91

People don't like when you can see who they really are. And they like it even less when you show them.

39

Dear Boys,

Your penis is not like pinocchio’s nose. It won’t get longer every time you lie about its size.

Sincerely,
Reality

12

Love is just chemical reactions in the brain. But what a trip!!!!

16

Get a condom for your heart; I'm about to fuck your feelings.

103

Sometimes you just got to get out and do shit. Life's lame? Make it not lame.

17

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

296

love is an open door.

an open fridge door..

37

If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace,
how many bedrooms would your mansion have?

15

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

8

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

788

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

265

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

85

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

271

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you' re in prison.

76

Sex jokes are not funny. I mean cum on people.

152

I could get any man I want, but you know, Ben and Jerry are my favorite two so I'm good.

28

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

367

hello 911 i'd like to report a murder...

this bitch just killed my vibe

40

My Viagra addiction was the hardest
time of
my life.

22

I've got nothing against God. It's his fan club that I can't stand.

36

Porn titles always lack depth and imagination. Yes, we all know college girl is trying anal for the 1st time, but what's her major? Her dreams?

37

until 0% battery do us part

337

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