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Posts Liked by andrewqsmith

Dear Life

Please stop fucking me in broad daylight.
I would much rather prefer it under the cover of darkness.

yours sincerely
me

173

On my honeymoon i tell my wife to put my trousers on i asked how they feel she said not comfortable. I said take them off and remember who wears the trousers in this family. She said nothing took off her knickers through them at me and said put these on. I said you're mad i'll never get into these she said and you never will if you don't change your attitude

11

My luck is SO bad,

If I bought a cemetery,

people would stop dying.

16

dear people, stop shaving your eyebrows off and drawing them on. its weird.

11

everybody is a genius. but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole live believing that it is stupid.

•albert einstein

8

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.

9

Don't ask me to choke you during sex and then call the police when i choke you during an argument.
be consistent

11

When I grow up I want to marry a grown man who is addicted to playing video games.

Said nobody ever

8

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