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Posts Liked by 509ShawnJohn

i wish you could erase spoken words

12

I want to sleep for two years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

269

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive:

"Hi".

3

Go Jesus! It's your Birthday!!

121

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

193

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.

163

K
C
U
F

94

I was talking to a nice, old woman at a party. She asked me, "Is that your accent, or do you have a condition?"

85

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