NormMacDonald's Posts

What a guy. twitter.com/jaketapper/sta…

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Dirty Work is free now if you would care to watch it. movieweb.com/dirty-work-mov…

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Holey moley, that is exactly right. Wow.

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I went to the store to buy a mask, but they wouldn't let me in without a mask. CATCH COVID-19.

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"Take off, eh". Bob and Doug directly before liftoff

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I am so sad to see that Boris Johnson will be gone within a few days, a week at the very latest. I always found him to be so erudite and so funny. I already miss him. BTW, no doctors are saying this so pray for the poor fellow.

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And then I thought, I have to get myself some guns.

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Listen, I'm a great guy.

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I'm gonna release the music video soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I have just completed a music video dealing with all we are going through these days. I will be putting it out on Youtube as soon as you guys want to see it. I think I'll wait until my subscriptions go up. But you guys will love it!!!!!!!!! Peace, stay safe.

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I don't know this celebrity was who sang "Imagine" online so the elderly ones who are dying agonizing deaths can be assured by a smug celebrity that there is no heaven. God, celebrities are idiots. Shame.

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Imagine some idiot celebrity telling her fans, in the middle of a Pandemic, to "Imagine there's no heaven.", when it is the only hope for so many of our elderly patients dying agonizing deaths while this rich lady smugly smiles,. mocking them and their faith in their last moments

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When you gonna get to me, get to me

it is just a matter of

Time, Corona

M-m-m-m-m-m-my Corona

Is it d-d-d-destiny, d-destiny

Or is it just a game in my

Mind, Corona?

M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my Corona.

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Living the way you got to

When you're living through the scare

Talk of coronavirus

Dancing through the air. nm 3/15/20

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Are you saying we’re all better off if we worry about burning in hell?

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Biden is said to be the winner, with his heartwarming story of a child looking at an elderly relative through glass partition and using sign language to communicate. How about the government buying a couple of cell phones.

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It's morally wrong for me to do stand-up and cause strangers to possibly become sick. And now, with this virus, it seems even more wrong. I'm postponing my next two gigs, but am hopeful a vaccine comes that protects us all from Tom Hanks Disease (THD).

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I don't think it is at all responsible to do stand-up and cause strangers to congregate unnecessarily. So I'm cancelling all my stand-up. I am hopeful that I'll be back on the road soon. Take care. I love you.

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Fleetwood bogies two in a row and Westwood, with all pars, is where he began the day. He is 2 back.

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Westwood began the day 2 back but Fleetwood has doubled that margin with birdie-birdie.

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Lee is done after stumbling in. Luke Donald caught him and will play tomorrow in the penultimate game with his fellow Englishman. In the ultimate game it will be Steele and the leader, Fleetwood, who will be very tough to catch.

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Westwood ties for the lead!!!!!!! and Schwarzel is getting devoured by the bear trap so momentarily it will be Im and Westwood alone at top.

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Westwood with a big save on the 3rd. He is two back.

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Wait. The World Health Organiziation. WHO!!!!!!!

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Biden is getting a lot of play by going against Steyer.

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So true. Was it Old Tom Morris who used to say, "If you're not cheating, you're just cheating yourself"? I think so.

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Tears roll fast down my cheek, but must detour when reaching my smile. Kobe did it all, Gianna would have done more. #24and2

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The "experts" all calling it an awful putt.

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DeChambeau drops a stroke and RAHM IS ONE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I hated how prim and proper they made Mattie in both films. In the book she was a feisty tomboy with gumption. Also it was HER story, not Rooster Cogburn's.

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The rarest type of Literature is the comic novel, perhaps because it is the most difficult to write. In America, there was Mark Twain. Then there was Charles Portis. And today, he has passed. Go, now, and read him.

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Tiger eagles the first after sinking a putt that was exactly 24 feat 8 inches. Kobe forever.

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The great Andrew Yang was a victim of being ahead of his time. Don't worry, pal, the nation will catch up. #YangGang2024

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People have been asking me if America's Cardroom's 20 days of Free Cash is the real deal. It is. No BS. And that's on top of the 100 % bonus. And, if you use crypto, that bonus grows to 200 %

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Cage Live is happening again in January in Costa Rica. Any of you guys heading down? The folks at Americas Card Room put on a really solid event. I was there last year and am going to try to get back. You should think of going. So much fun.

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So Nixon basically.

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So many great ideas discussed tonight, but not one candidate up there offered me $1,000 a month!!! #YangGang

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Hey, guys, I just got back from the gym. I have no ides who Captain Midnight is but it's not me, that's for sure.

as ever, norm

Whereas I do not agree with the methods of Captain Midnight in any way, I share his enthusiasm for Candidate Yang.#YangGang

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Andrew Yang is not in the debate? He is the only candidate addressing problems of the future, such as the increasing vulnerability of our social media. To underscore this point, I plan on hacking Mr. Yang's twitter-feed to live-tweet tonight's debate. Signed, Captain Midnight.

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This is absolute insanity. Andrew Yang MUST be allowed into this debate. Take a poll NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I got it. How about this. YANG: 2020 VISION #YangGang

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Sweet bonus opportunity at America’s Cardroom for fast-fold Poker. Blitz-bonus builder should make the first ten days of January pretty great.

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This campaign has the potential to be the greatest triumph of the human spirit in American political history.

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Now she is talking about Carol Burnett.

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I have a very active dream life and I have to be there a lot and plus who knows which one’s real anyway

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Haha happy to work on it with you Norm. Let’s meet up in Iowa or New Hampshire.

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I will give my full endorsement to Andrew Yang and do whatever is in my power to help him winz On one condition. That he becomes my close personal friend. The ball id in your court, Andrew.

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I am very happy for you, Bob. You have always been very ambitious and very underserved by this industry. You have created a character Sui Generis and have surrounded yourself by the best actors on television. Merry Christmas. See you in February.

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So, Norman Fell had been right all along. And, so, he was punished. Three's Company went on succeeding and succeeding and Norman Fell went on to play checkers with McClean Stevenson.

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And, of course, another debate ends and not a word about The Wolfman. Oh, well, why do I even hope for it, anymore?

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No respect, Bernie, but how can you end an endless war?

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As I predicted when all were panicking, the Americans are rising up, to eventual victory. Let's take a look.

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I need Dan Vitale's birthday. Not the football player, the comedian and SNL player. Anybody know it?

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You say, people should be allowed to speak what they believe. But, that doesn't mean someone with other beliefs should have to hire them. I say to you you do not belerive in free speech. You believe in costly speech.

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It was great to get to meet Alex Moffat and his wife, and also comedian, Caroline Rau, when in NYC last week. I usually stay longer, and if I had would have gone to see Caroline's one-woman show, which sounds fascinating. Thanks for dropping by, guys. Very kind.

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I stand on the subway platform, the one I stood in wait day after day, two decades ago, and wait again for a single Memory to find me. Instead, Memory's inauthentic twin, Nostalgia, has me smiling at that that never was. I must be very careful to mind the gap.

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Wow. Notrhings easy but it is finally over. Pus pus push

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Clippers att he line to get the total to 60.

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Oh, no!!!!!!! I missed my stories today.

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Thank you for all of this astute commentary. The game wouldn’t be as understandable. You da man.

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Of course, they could go for the one point conversion and the bet would be won, but they will not, for obvious reasons.

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And we are back to the same problem. Russel Wilson must score a TD and then score a 2 point conversion.

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Too much happening right now to do the truth justice. Too much happening.

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You guys want me to call the end of the game on Instagram?

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Playing “Who wants to be a Millionaire” on Instagram live starting very soon. I’ll need your help, so follow me on Instagram at therealnormmacdonald. Get there now for a pre-show chat.

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Where is this generation’s “Hurricane” by Bob Dylan’s for this just cause? It’s a shame to see the youth so apathetic about issues that will plague them when they have kin of their own to look after.

#FreeFelicity

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14 years for trying to educate her child is not a well chosen punishment, nor is it suited to the circumstances of the “crime.” #FreeFelicity

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Yes doing things out of spite or jealousy is not good. And blind mob mentality is not good. The Trump mob is blind mentality is blind because they are being told to not inform themselves.

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Its a beautiful night. I love how funny the internet is. Funniest ever. And it is especially stupid tonight.

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check put my instagram story . My handle is therealnormmacdonald. also, how do I get one of them blue checks.

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If any of you wish to be a comedian, study "Sticks and Stones", a comedy special from The Peerless One. If you don't consider Chappelle funny, you are wrong. If you are a comedian who does not see that he is the best we have, quit.

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This tweet will officially explain how it’s possible to follow both Donald Trump and the Gospel teachings of Christ at the same time.

It’s not possible.

#ThursdayThoughts

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You cannot slip when you know the fall will take you. So you slide and dance tween blood and bone, and dream of days long gone.

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I am trying to think of a joke for Labour Day but It's so much work. That is the joke I came up with finally and it just doesn't work.

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I was abbreviating “old chunk of coal.”

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I decide to watch all the comedy specials and I noticed that the comedians fall in 2 categories. Way overpaid (nearly all), way underpaid (nearly none). Interestingly the comedian who may be the most underpaid is The Peerless One, Chappelle.

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a man is a coin, no obverse without reverse. If you like, remember Jeff Epstein as monster, destroying lives with a wicked nonchalance. But, for me , I will remember him as the man who killed Jeff Epstein.

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Wow!!!! Just read about the suicide note left next to the body of Jeff Epstein. "Jeffrey will be unable to face these baseless charges, as he no longer is." signed Epstein's Mother.

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He knew that I lived in the darkest night
And He came to me then and He whispered light
And the words that He spoke
Gave me deep delight.

And the words that He spoke
Gave me deep delight.

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Hey, did Jeffrey Epstein commit suicide? He was on suicide watch. Impossible. was he murdered by his rich and powerful freinds?

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I'll be starting my youtube channel full time in a few weeks. Anyone with a youtube channel using material owned by me will be getting served soon.

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Lost a big pot. Down to 300K

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Can Lowry hang on? His second at 15 is in trouble but Lowry's is worse and there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the field.

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TIGER 3-putts FROM 20 FEET !!!!!!!!!

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I can't find this interview with Richard Spencer by Jake Tapper. Did CNN take it down? did they apologize for running it? I can't find it anywhere.

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The rail of Sammartino is getting so rowdy even Flamingo, the Godfather himself, pushed to the sidelines by the physical outbursts surrounding him. And thanks for the great dinner at Todd's place, Flamingo.

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When people look at chipstacks , they often look at raw numbers, which are important in a peripheral way, if I can struggle to explain.

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The stacks are Ensan with 326Million, Livingston with 120 million, and Sammartino with 70.

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Downey is too talented, it's not fair

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Sorry, Djoko is returning=

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only a few events left in this year's WSOP, and the wrist still bare but the dreams unbroken, only deferred a year.

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One of the truly fine experiences of my life was writing for Max Wright. Max was very rare in that he could play any attitude comedically. Shallow, sweet, cruel, lustful, moved, hateful, cowardly. And on it went. He was a comedy writer's dream: a perfect comedy vessel. Great man.

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Hey, do any of you guys know if it's possible to use cryptocurrency to deposit and to play online poker?

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The WSOP has begun. Have lost every hand and a third of my stack.

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petegutz2 likes this

specifically the first money question.

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Kaymer, at the 3rd, par 3, and he has stuck it. Scott's turning what looks to rematch play, although still early.

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the Cubs bet was a great value. perfect game so far.

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Varner two putts and loses 3 strokes.

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Varner from the deep stuff. And he has lost the ball!!!!!!!!!!!

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Tiger is on and was right at the hole but backspin brought it well back.

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Tiger is at the first tee.

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Kawaii makes a TIGER-SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Where can I find all the new words out there, the crazy new words necessary to identify all the differences in people. Looking for a list of those words if you guys know where I can find one.

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6 minutes to survive.

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It is still,Aafter The Masters to me, and will stay that for a good while.

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It gets cold in Dawson City in the summer in the night. It gets cold n Dawson City every day.

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What should I say when Tiger wins the Masters?

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WE ARE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Fowler misses the eagle, Tiger misses the long putt, Koepka makes a birdie. Oh my goodness.

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My apologies for my absence. I have been trying desperately to do a Normcast this week. As you longtime followers will remember this is the event that, five years ago I predicted Tiger would win. We will see.

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I remember when I supposed, in my great man mean pride, that He was an imagining of me. As if One so Great could be an imagining of one so small. And then, a blinding flash of reason commanded me to understand that I am nothing but an imagining of Him.

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Norm, ACR has the best structure and the best competition available to us. You can play a 10 hour tournament which will train you for the long days at a WSOP event. You will also get as many hands in that 10 hrs as you would in 4 days of live play.

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I heard the complaints against Joe Biden. His accuser calls his actions neither sexual or violent, just gross. By that standard all children may now sue their grandmothers.

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I'm back in Boston. So many great memories. I did my last special here at the Wilbur, where I taped my last special. And also that great summer doing Grown-ups. so cool to be back.

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Could Tiger and Molinari, the two men involved in the thrilling Open, both lose their matches after both leading. We saw a two shot swing at the 18 determine the first match. DJ came to the 18th tee two head and went to the clubhouse even.

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I am mot a political person. I have no dog in the fight. I'm in it for the long game. But, someone told me Trump called Tim Cook Tim Apple. I watched it. He didn't. Meaningless whether he did or not. But... He did not. #Normsnotpolitical

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Thanks for everyone for your words of support. I am fine. Quite fine.

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unthinkable pain.losing struggle.unrelenting test.Grace or death.

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At Genesis, .4 units on Tiger Woods(+2000) to win

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so far this week: 1-star bets: 2-4, profit, zero. 2 star bets: 5 for 9, profit, -2.1, 4 star bets, 2-2, profit 8.0 total bets 9-15 for 60percent, well over 52.4. units bet, 20-30, for 66.6667, units bet 20, units won 5.9.

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Tomorrow: Golf: 2-star Phil(-135) vs Reed and 3-star Sneds (-130) vs. Fitzpatrick. In Hockey 3 star: NY Rangers O6(-110)

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3-star bet Lilliard (O26.5). after the big loss on the Kyrie Over. Kyrie fell short by 1 point.

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Tonight is the same bet as a couple of nights ago. 2 star pick on Lightning first period O1.5(-140). If it wins 2 star pick on BlackHawks first period O1.5 (-162). If first bet loses, second bet becomes a 4-star bet as this is what I call a tandem bet.

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The correction could be over a long period or over a very short period. So, if you have not taken the picks yet, perhaps it is best to stay on the sidelines. I myself do not use my picks. I am unable to control myself so I find it better to not make wagers.

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Pebble Beach soon begins. The following are all 1-star bets. I see 1-star bets as having about 1.05-1.00 as an edge so it is fine to simply skip these. They are not nearly half the value of a 2-star bet. I advise them only volume bets attract you.

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Both overs just came over and the Grand Salami to boot. That is a net profit of 6 units for the day.

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Norm must play Norm at all ages, even as little boy on the farm.

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Thought both games tonight were at same time. Since they are not, make the first bet s 2-star bet. If you prevail on the first, make the same bet. If you lose tge first bet make the second bet a 4-star bet. There will be time between. Sorry for the confusion.

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For those who keep asking for picks, I can't make picks for any game. I know I didn't touch the Superbowl. No good bets. Having said that, a pair of 4-star picks for you tonight. Hockey: Tampa Bay First Period Over1.5 (-180) and Blackhawks First Period Over 1.5 (-180).

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The greatest Superbowl Commercial was "The Fumble", which kept getting better, showing the greatest to ever play the game from Tom Brady to Barry Sanders to Franco Harris to a tiny little girl. #pretendingisfun

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petegutz2 likes this

Yeeesss! Thank you, God! Truly one of the funniest, most creative books I've ever read. Best of luck with the project, Norm!

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Very excited to report I have begun the process of adapting " Based on a True Story" into a film. I will report who will be collaborating on it with me and take you through the entire process. Peace, my brothers. And sisters. And sisters. I know. And sisters.

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Will play a tournament tonight I’ll let you know the hand.s. Should be great fun!!!

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And, so, another winning day and with the picks, I have 12 of 18 for the calendar year, which is 2 for 3 or 66.66666 %, well above the 52.4 needed to make a profit. Using the star system means the percentage is 70,45.

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Jump on the streak. Two 3-star picks. Warriors 1st half (-4.5) and Warriors(-7).

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I have been crushed in the first 3-weeks of my season-long Golf Pool. Every week we pick a golfer. The first week I had the winner, then changed my mind at the last second. This week I changed my mind at the last second, as well. I have Hideki.

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But, after seeing Djoko this year, and especially this morning, it is clear that should he stay healthy, he will do the seeming impossible. He will pass Federer for most Major wins.

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Im in LA with Spectrum as my cable provider and I can get these preliminaries on Fox but I don't know where the main event is. You guys have any idea?

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For those scoring at home, my picks are now 1-2 on 1-star, 5-6 on 2-star, 0-1 on 3-star. 1-1 on 5-star. a total of 7-10 or 70 percent. The magic number to make money: 52.4 percent. If you are betting using the star system ( 1 star =1 unit ) you are up 8.8 units through 10 wagers.

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So, as a bettor it is rare to have the no-sweat victory like that. Congrats to all of you who won and add another 4 units to your bankroll.Sleep well.

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There were no picks again today, but there are two tomorrow, very early in the morning. It is the Aussie Open and they are both 2 star picks. One is Djokovitch ( -7.5 ) and the other is Djokovitch (U31.5).

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Hey, that’s a good point. .

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There were no picks today. Sometimes a day will go with no picks, sometimes a week. Sometimes a day will have 8 picks.

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S0 far I've show 8 picks, 2 1 star, 4-2 stars, 1 3-star and 1 5-stars. for the 1-stars, 1 of 2 for a profit of .5 units, for the 2-stars, 3 of 4 for a profit of 2.6 units, for the 3-stars 0-1 for a loss of 3.3 units and, in 5-stars, 1-1 for a total of 5 units. Total: +4.8 units.

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Raonic down a mini-tie break. Hard to know if a win is better.

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And so the Islanders score two minutes into the game but then both teams remain scoreless and the Blackhawks Over 1.5 for the first period comes up short the hook for a loss.

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I have a two star pick. It is hockey. Under Ottawa Senators (6).

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Haha, that should read Taitsipas. Still having trouble with A name everyone will soon know

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Got’em at even money Normy, lets do this!

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Tsitsipas has just broken Bautista and has it back on serve. I hope you took my lock of the year. 4-4 in the first set.

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If you like free money guys, take Tsitsipas tonight at the Australian open. He is listed at 12-1 to win the whole thing. This is an excellent value but I am laying off that one.

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Having said that, of course Nadal is the favorite to go on and fave Djoko in the finals.

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I found the fight but now I can't find the UFC fights. I have Spectrum in LA and they are saying it is on ESPN Plus???? Anybody?

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Very frustrating. My cable provider is Spectrum in L.A. and I can't find a way to order the Pacquio fight. If any of you guys have any idea, let me know. I do not want to get it on my computer. I want to order it on TV. Thanks.Much appreciated.

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I was supposed to see him for the Super Bowl. " We already won, Norm, we don't work at Canadian Tire." We'd play mixed-games till dawn then hop on his bike, 9-ball, ping-pong in his backyard. Goddamit, I miss him.I need a Greyhound. We gotta take care of those kids. Any ideas?

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I've been laughing a great deal the last few days as memories of my many conversations with Super Dave come to me. I knew him for 30 years and never called him Bob. People forget how incredibly funny the name itself is. "Super Dave". Think about it. So so funny. " Super Dave"

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It's over. BADER COVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I have not written a single word in a month.

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INT AND TENNESSE RUNS IT BACK TO COVER THE SPREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A bad development. The good news is they are still within FG range, 46 yards.

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Wow. Second last play loses me The Chiefs. Last play loses me the total.

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Well, well, friends it seems we are as close as ever before to the one million mark. Only 4000 more. Now I know how Ray Kroc must have felt.

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Blinds are 600-1200 with 200 antes, and the average chip stack is 39K, and 90 players remains of the beginning 350. I have I just shy of 65K.

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Got it in with Aces two callers. Lost on turn.

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Shoved with 44. Called by AJc. 4 in the door. Doubled up.

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I have 15 K left, a half-stack. Been card-dead all day blinds are 3-6 K with 100 blind

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Rebuy. New table. Call-fold pre-flop

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I’m at the tourney, buying in. tHE ADVENTURE BEGINS!!!!!!!

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Thanks, everybody, for supporting me. Sold out in 6 hours. Gonna make you proud, and hopefully make you money. Tweet me, now, you hear.

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I don't do drugs. I am drugs.

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I have been tweeting since pre-season that Patrick Mahomes would break Peyton's passing record of 55 TDs. When will the sports media begin the countdown?

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And, finally, on a serious note, I am most thankful for friends. Yes, friends. Especially that one where Joey bought Chandler the duck

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I made a big bet preseason that Mahomes would break the record for most TDs in a single season. If it happens, I will make a fortune.

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MAHOMES TO HILL TD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Time to push for season 2 of Norm Macdonald Has A Show. Watch and rewatch, a letter to Ted Sarandos and google "Netflix Help Center" and request a second season. You guys rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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It's time to push for the show. A letter to Ted Sarandos is great. But watch the shows. watch over and over and over. Let's do it!!!!!!!! We can do it. Tell me when you watch ir rewatch.

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Game is over. Seattle wins by 3.

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I'm trying to find a great Canadian comic from days gone by. One of the first, and maybe the best ever. His name is Mike Hirsch and he is from Montreal, If anyone has any info on him, please let me know.

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Some exciting things to announce soon, guys.

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People keep flooding my timeline, asking what they can do to ensure the show comes back. Just watch it, and rate it, that's all. And if you want to send a letter to Ted Sarandos over at Netflix, everything helps.

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Just listening to Sarah on Stern talking about comedians who've stopped trying to get better and Howard, a hero, mentioned me. I've worked 40 weeks a year the last 25 years, have a dozen hours of material and strive every set to be better. Maybe he's confusing merit with fame.

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the fist made fat
the one side that
was farthest from the thumb.
She bit it down hard
blood tasted good
he still could not be stopped.
He'd saved her land
from the evil band
and now would come the cost.

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STRIKEOUT!!!!!!!!!!

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Hey, guys, I've been deluged by messages asking me what you can do to ensure a 2nd season on Netflix. Really, all you can do is watch, and rate it. And, if you like send a letter to Ted Sarandos at Netflix.

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THE Red Sox GO TO THE WORLD SERIES BY BEATING THE WORLD CHAMPION HOUSTON ASTROS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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" For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath."

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Pitch down the middle for a strike. Its 1-2.

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You heard it here first. The Kansas City Chiefs will go undefeated!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I began to ask you “But aren’t some people just liars and fakes?”, but then I realized that yes, we all are.

This has changed things for me, Norm. Thank you!

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Definitely more episodes in a season, too! I also think you don't get enough credit for the actual interviews themselves. Not once did I feel like I was watching someone go down a checklist of questions just to get answers the guest is probably sick of repeating every interview.

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NORM! Big fan! Love your new show on Netflix, I've already mowed right through em. Btw I love your Old Harold Delaney scrabble story!

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Norm I just want to say that you are the funniest guy alive. Love the new show

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Can't wait for season 2, bud!

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THANKS TO TIGER WOODS FOR THE SECOND GREATEST YEAR IN THE HISTORY OF SPORT!!!!!!!!! THANKS TO TIGER WOODS FOR THE GREATEST YEAR IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS: NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

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Incredibly, it is all going Tiger's way. Except for one. And that is Justin Rose, who is tied for 2nd.

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Roseanne and Louis have both been very good friends of mine for many years. They both made terrible mistakes and I would never defend their actions. If my words sounded like I was minimizing the pain that their victims feel to this day, I am deeply sorry.

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Happy birthday to my son Phillip! Proud of you Phillip: you have integrity, honor, and a great respect and love of family. And I know you've been working hard. Keep crushing it!! #TerrificSon #POSITIVITY

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Big Burt is up in heaven slapping around little Bert. #onefewerB*rt inthispooroldworld

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I'll be gone now. For a long long time.

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TIGER SAVES PAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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TIGER STICKS IT AT THE 3rd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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See you tomorrow.

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Tiger Woods is 3 back.

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Tiger birdies the first. And he has stuck the second. He will putt in to get to -6 and begin the third birdie-birdie.

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YE Yang had a burst on Thursday that gave him some FaceTime on CBS and TNT but he ends with a dismal +7. Bubba Watson was also in the mix before a total meltdown left him going home at +8.

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And that was his first 3-putt of the tourney and t was a simple mis-read. Tiger falls back to -3.

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Bhoomi_Dekate likes this

It's as dark now as you want to believe it is. It's as bright as you want to believe it is.

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I still crave that mixture of salt and squeak. I try to buy a handful of bags whenever I visit Cornwall, but they seem to be empty before I get back to Toronto.

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CONGRATS TO KINGPUGS ON TAKING DOWN 25K IN HQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHOW YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I have picked him as a winner many times over the last 5 years. I will never forget when, on the European Tour, he was paired with his brother Eduardo in the final game and we witnessed sibling rivalry at its highest form.

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Tiger misses. And a disappointing final putt to an incredible week for Tiger Woods. His downfall was the short putts this week, as he missed about 8 at the distance we just saw. So for all those who told me Tiger will never win another major, I say again you are wrong.

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And it happens again with the blinds as Bonomo makes the completion but no more with the A-9 and again two big, big hands as Smith, in the BB hass212211222222222

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Flop is A-J-8 with 2 clubs and Bonomo glances at Holz's chip stack as if considering a move, but Holz has flopped top pair and this combines with the pre-flop no-bet and lack of position to create danger to Bonomo.

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Could have been a lot of action but Holz was able to get away from the crafty play of Smith and loses minimum.

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ITS A TEN!!!!!!!!!! ITS A TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Finally reaches for chips, and Bonomo insta-folds. Would have been very interesting if the A or Q hit the flop but the King saved him in two ways, since he didn't have it and was also afraid Holz did.

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That is the end of day 2. There are no amateurs in this field so an opportunity to watch the game played at the very highest level with so much money, and so much prestige, on the line. Tomorrow at 6 PT, the final lessons.

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I need all of Bob and Ray's recorded material. I have a great deal, but not all. Please let me know if you know where I can get more. Thanks.

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So sad to hear the news of Mary Willard's passing. She was a lovely woman, a great mother, an incredible hostess at the Willard's many Holiday parties. She was a rock for Fred for so many years. My heart goes out to my good friend Fred and all his family.

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Congratulations to the great Mori Eskandani, a poker genius, the man who brought us first the hole cards, then the delay, for being inducted into The Poker Hall of Fame!!!!!!!! And, not for nothing, a kind and generous man in a city of vipers.

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Rean raises to 450 with 9s. Tang thinks about it with 6s and finally decides to flat.

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Having a baby really makes me love and appreciate my dogs.

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Bettydent likes this

As you sit there and you contemplate the next piece of art that you will steal, knowing you'll always be rich and I'll be always poor, well here's a little thing that'll even up the score. See, I'm the real deal. You'll never know just how that feels. Cause I'm the real deal.

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It's been quite a WSOP so far, with many of the celeb-pros lose patience and bust out. Antonio has been playing the opposite and still alive with about a regular stack.

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No one has the choice to be offensive. He needs to find a partner, someone who does have a choice. The eager partner of course is the offended.

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What you own owns you. The costliest purchases are the costliest. And a rich man will never be a free man.

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The idiot sees the world as Good vs Evil. The cynic sees the world as Evil vs Evil. The truth that no one seems able to see is that the world is, and always has been, a battle of Good vs. Good.

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i've read it twice. will go for the hat trick soon. best thing i've ever read

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Oh, fuck, is this Father's Day? Goddamn it. Now I have to make a call to Canada and have some horseshoe conversation about how.... Oh, wait, no. My father died 30 years ago. Whew!

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Red is about to tie for the lead at the 3rd.

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Koepka, tied at +1 just sunk a very long putt to save par after a terribly adventurous hole.

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STENSON MAKES ANOTHER BRILLIANT SAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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DJ CRUSHES THE DRIVE PERFECTLY!!!!!!!!!

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Furyk birdies the first and is +3.

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So who will win. I don't know I like Reed's game very well. And I like Rose's game very well. There are only a few with a chance, but I know one thing. The winner will not be Dustin Johnson and, that, I guarantee.

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Dustin will not be his heir, nor Spieth, nor JT, nor Day. Rory has a shot but must be deadly serious about the pursuit.

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I haven't been watching news for some time now, but just now a Game Show was preempted to present The Summit in Singapore. How beautiful life can be when stripped of cold cynicism, like an infant, naked but for the swaddling of hope.

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Can you guys help me find a bit. It is me being depressed that I can no longer play Dole and Lorne helps me put it in perspective.

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Dustin Johnson is the winner and, a week before the US Open, he is the number one player in the world.

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Putnam hits it right but has a good lie, but DJ has crushed it.

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thanks for the pick! Braves all day! Norm you are LEGEND

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My mistake. The Dodgers are facvorites over the Braves tonight. If anyone can explain this to me, I would love to talk to you. Thankk.

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I can't find golf. Anyone?

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Hope some of you took my advice. I called it, almost every moment. My friend, who gambles, did not believe me.

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Durant has his 7th assist of the game. He is the team. But only so far. Keep your eye on Curry. half a quarter left in regulation. This has been the closest game of all the playoffs. GS leads 94-93.

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It’s surprisingly complex. There is a lot to gather on a single pass. I didn’t find myself laughing as much as I found myself completely engaged by the story telling. It’s a novel starring Norm, that’s the best way I can put it.

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JUT HOLDS ON AND WINS THE US OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A perfect drive.

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What about a writer?

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Bettydent likes this

The novelty has worn off. And we’re all still here. That’s life.

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I actually feel the same about being live onair when it all goes to hell. Let folks in on it. Reduces discomfort, they share in the chaos & see you're fine so they'll be fine. As they say happens.

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The boy born in Hawaii left to die a man in Italy. #LestWeForget

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When time begins to tumble, when mind begins to stumble, Please don't look back. Please. Please. Please. All fall. The only hope there is, is mercy.

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Bhoomi_Dekate likes this

there will prolly be an opportunity an the second intermission to think through some things

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number is now +3000, and now Yankees gets a bet to win 1000 and 1000 behind the dog , Minnesota

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So the first ball is thrown. Miss. Still Celtics up 1, with 3.8. he missed once but still has a chance.

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I told Chad tote those NHL bets.

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I have it on authority that Portland will win round 1. That would pay a lot but I can't find a place to make that wager.

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#twitter, #normmacdonald

At times, the joy that life attacks me with is unbearable and leads to gasping hysterical laughter. I find myself completely out of control and wonder how could life could surprise me again and again and again, so completely. How could a man be a cynic? It is a sin.

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Sometimes I would have to pause the recording to laugh uncontrollably, gather myself and continue.

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A good friend gone. You left behind some gems, Milos.

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Tiger, now, at 8.

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I need a line for When Reed wins the Masters.

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what should I announce if Reed wins

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About a minute to go now before we begin.

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Tiger is yelling "no"after his drive on 9, and he does get lucky. the ball is in the second cut, and he'll have a look at the green.

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And he crushes it. Leishman finds the second cut. No bigg del but will be unable to for it in 2.

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TIGER BIRDIES THE SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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LISNER WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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They will continue on at 12.

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Read or listen to it again. I guarantee you missed at least a dozen things on the first pass. I shit you not.

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How detailed do you actually expect me to get here?

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Although there are many poems far finer, there is one that has never left me. In the first half, the poet sets up, with cold clarity, the things his eyeballs see, and then in the second half, deliberately loses his sight, descending in to the ugliest of viscera. Tomorrow. Here.

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My memory is serving cold but it's Yeats and will be easy to find. God bless, sleep well.

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Upon the star that marks the hidden pole;
Fix every wandering thought upon
That quarter where all thought is done:
Who can distinguish darkness from the soul?

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Someone has informed me it is National Poetry Day and, so, I thought I might share my favorite poem.

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Rose with an eagle try at 16 and it just drifts by. Rory will head to the 17th tee-box, ahead by 3.

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Stenson birdies 13 and is one back of Rory. THIS WILL NOT BE DECIDED IN REGULATION.

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This wood be Tire's greatest victory. Rory is the man I feared before the tourney started. I was watching him putt with the Faxon putt and it frightened me.

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Tiger, from the deep rough, chips out and it hits a sprinkler head, stopping it from reaching the green.

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So, now, Tiger has a longish putt and lags it. another par. Still -7.

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Tiger has moved from the range to the short game area and now to the putting green. Will soon be standing at the first tee-box.

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Gooch ahas just birdied the 18th and he's at -8 as well.

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Stenson finds the bunker at 17.

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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST SHOT SINCE TIGER'S RETURN

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BRYSON MISSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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TIGER DRAINS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HAS IT TO -6.

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Tiger's approach is on the green, but well away. This is beginning to look like Tiger's round yesterday. his putter will be tested now.

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And when I understand why it is that I believe, I will tell a man. And then I will tell you. Peace. Tomorrow. Hours fall and hours rise to take their place.

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TIGER PARS AND IS ONE BACK IN THE CLUBHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A fine drive with some sort of wood at the 8, and it is perfect.

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OMG. It is right again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I have so much to say about Tiger, about Arnie, about Fowler. But it will have to wait as hours fall and hours take their place. Sleep now. Dream tomorrow.

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There is no one who can beat me at Fortnite. And I mean NO ONE!!!!!!!!

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But there is a great deal more at play here. Perhaps the most significant moment of the day for Tiger came at the 18th tee-box when, down by one, he pulled out an iron. This is a very very important moment. I will explain. But, for now, sleep well.

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For any of you saddened by Tiger's performance or listening to gloating idiots tell you he isn't "back", keep this in mind. As Tiger kept the door completely open, none of the last 16 players to tee off was able to overtake him. And remember this....

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Palmer drops one, Kraft drops one. Snedeker drops one. They join the gallery to view the elite 8.

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After Tiger drove his first down the center of the fairway, he heard a roar from the green. Patrick Reed, wearing a sneer and red shirt, chipped in an eagle and tied the leader. Tiger had people around.

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Have a fine afternoon/evening.

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Bettydent likes this

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Casey at 18, misses right into some deep rough. Rose's third shot is through the green and settles on the fringe.

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Meanwhile, Paul Casey, Burns, and Reed have all gotten to -8, one back from Rose.

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Up ahead at the green it is Patrick Reed, in his Tiger lookalike costume, playing his third from the left rough about 60 feet away.

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The last thing I'll say about Tiger today is the overarching reason Tiger will win regularly. If golfer A is only slightly better than golfer B, then he will not have much advantage over one shot. But if he is better on every single shot over 300 shots, golfer A is unbeatable.

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But as far as tomorrow goes, enjoy. And look to the very first hole. Be sure not to miss it. Please make sure to watch the last 3 groups play hole number one. After the final pairing finish the first, look at the leaderboard and something will be abundantly clear.

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I will tell you how each chapter can now be seen very clearly, and tell you where to go and look to find the supporting evidence for every one of my claims.

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Woods second shot is short of where he'd like, at the front edge of the green.

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jaybyrd likes this

Conners, over and over, has been able to reclaim solo lead. But I don't believe he will survive the snake pit. Absolutely no chance he is the solo leader by day's end.

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Burns doubles the 13th and is out of the tournament.

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At the 3rd Tiger's ball bounces through the fairway and buries in deep stuff.

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Phil wins. It is sad that cameraman ruined the last hole.

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Phil is 47. Justin is 24.

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petegutz2 likes this

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A remarkable last 5 weeks for GOLF. The return of Tiger has been captivating and next week at Valsparo chapter 3 begins. Even more remarkable. The run of Phil. He's been playing later and later every Sunday and tomorrow he is in the ultimate game, 2 behind a 20-year-old unknown.

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Tiger, with a great great putt, but it just slides by.

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Honda wel underway, with Lovemark looking for a breakthrough win. Tiger, the other story is even par through 5, and still +1, 5 off the lead. He has top 10 in his sights.

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Tomorrow, then. Will Tiger find himself in the top 10. Will Lovemark lead after 54 ?Stay tuned..

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I have been watching the entire career of Tiger Williams, and the drama continues this week. Let's take a look.

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BUBBA PARS AND WINS RIVIERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A Beaty by Bubba and Cantaly goes right, right, right. It hits a tree, he is in the fairway.

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Stalling,at 14, has made an incredibly lucky approach at 13 and back at 11, Tony Final, who has been in the mix all week taps in birdie to get to -9.

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Oakalla is gone. I am gone. But the memories stay and the memories are as cruel as memories can be. And you can't raze memories.

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I'm dry now, dry as land.

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id like to thank Tiger for his great kindness.

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Until Thursday, then.

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I will be there.

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They miss the 2 point extra point. And it is Brady Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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And now, a big 3rd and 2.

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22-12 eagles lead.

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A bad decision by Brady almost leads to one of two interceptions, one off the defensive catch, the second off the ricochet. Brady threw a ball he should not have, The good news. The Pats are trying to win this from the beginning.

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There were so many yesterday bunched up on the top, but Woodland may win it from a very early group. Chez has just bodied. He can still catch Woodland, but it won't be a cinch.

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Matt has just rolled in a birdie to get one back. Of course, the winner will not come out of those earlier groups.

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Ricky Fowler is the solo leader.

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Berger has a long putt for par and just comes up short. So he has also given back one to the field.

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It’s not wicked..it’s weathered..like a log on the beach..pelted by wind and sand..drowned by waves and tides..perched and shat upon by others..and yet here you still stand..to take it all in..until you yourself..are nothing.

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I said they're not gonna let me out of my cell till you get out of your cell, I said I know you're not frightened of me, Charlie. That;s what I said to him through his cell at Durham and he said to me the exact words to you, word for word, what I'm telling you right now.

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" And you can watch that match now on youtube, Norm, and you can see, not only is he throwing the match but he's throwing it in a way you can tell he's throwing it."

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" I've never seen anything like that, Bobby. Never, in all my years in pro tennis. You absolutely crush your opponent and everybody's booing, everybody hates your guts. And you never got your television money."

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Easy to smell jealousy, especially in this biz. She reaks of it. Proud of you, Norm. Keep being you!

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Just so everyone is clear, no one has asked me to host a talk show. This misconception arose after an odd Q and A with Reddit the other day.

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Have a good day.

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Jason Day, a fantastic player, has served notice that he is going to be number one very soon. An incredible win.

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have read it several times since the last March. He's absolutely right.

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Je me souviens.

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I new that wasn't technical right, but it was built by children that no longer were so there was a God of some shape.

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Levesque now had a party not of 400 or 800 but of 75,000

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Trudeau was unbothered by criticism and did all work secluded, surrounded only by the tight circle of intellectuals the press had taken to dubbing "The Mndarins".

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CBC: At any costs? At any costs? How far would you go with that? How far would you be willing to extend that?

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But Levesque refused to take them in en masse, afraid of the extremists. They could join individually or not join at all.

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They sit and listen but Trudeau has only two words. "I'll run."

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Last we looked, Trudeau becomes an instant star as Minister of Justice in Ottawa, and Lesveques walks away from the Provincial Liberal party to exile.

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Trudeau has only been a politician for 18 months when Prime Minister Lester B Pearson makes him Minister of Justice.

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The Lesage cabinet was split on levesque's proposition but Lesage was a supporter and called an election as a type of referendum. The people were behind it and Rene Lesveque's political currency soared.

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And in the cafeteria of that CBC building on Dorchester where Lesveques was a star, Pelletier ambushed him and introduced him to Trudeau, who challenged him to write something for Cite Libre.

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jaybyrd likes this

The Norther Magus was who we wanted to be but he was what we were.

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Lost art, that. Goddam curved stick if you ask me.

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On my right shoulder, the laces tied tight, the skates newly sharpened.

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We lost so many greats this year. In my opinion the greatest of them all was number 9, Gordie Howe.

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Women, people of color, transgendered people. It would be cool to make a show that committed to specifically NOT interviewing white dudes, hosted by a really cool white dude. Podcasts with white men talking to white men are everywhere, use your celebrity to break that mold!

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jaybyrd likes this

Warren Buffet. The down-to-earth billionaire. If you think there is no way you could get him, you might be surprised. Dude still eats at Mcdonald's and insists on cutting his own lawn.

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If I were to do a podcast I want to know who YOU GUYS think I should interview. Any person in the world.

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Closing in on a million followers.

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My workload has become overwhelming.18 hour days. Might have to consider taking a break from performing for a year to catch up.

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jaybyrd likes this

I'd like to thank the incredible Jacob for his wonderful poker tournament last week. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!! Next year, we need many more celebrities to attend, right Jacob?

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jaybyrd likes this

A final thought about the day. I see no difference between Tiger today and Tiger in his heyday, save one. Putting. When Tiger won, he was the greatest putter in the world. That will come.

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Molinari and Spieth both settle for pars and are both done.

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Hoffman, the leader minutes ago, records a bogey and is back at -7. Our leader, Fleetwood gets the ball out on his 3rd shot.

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I continue to see stories on the death of Mr. Manson. Even after his Family has asked for privacy at this most difficult time.

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On "a free and independent Press" ... I don't think that such a thing existed until the Internet. How can anything be free or independent when it is owned? What a fucking joke. I worked for a Newspaper. It was a small operation but I imagine that they're all the same. Controlled.

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Thursday, the biggest day in sports for some time, sees the return of The Chosen One.

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Today a friend showed me the final product. I apologize to any of you who had to sit through it but I plead innocence on the execrable "comedy" they edited together from my speech.

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jaybyrd likes this

Mr. Manson is now at peace but his family are in my prayers.

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My heart goes out to the family of Mr. Manson at this time.

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My thoughts continue to not stray far from a Bakersfield hospital. Thinking of the family.

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I have never heard this idea put forth in the debate about guns but I believe that hunting should be made illegal. Immediately.

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My prayers go out to Charles Manson and his family in this time of pain.

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Last week, -2.8 units. This week already up double that. We will see.

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Buries a trey. That may do it.

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We need to help Bader get under 220. That is under 28 with 8 left.

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jaybyrd likes this

Down under 10 units now

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Another hockey total loss. That is, remarkably, the 6th of the week.

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Waiting for the capital to free itself.

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TD and Indy within 7.

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Indiana on the move and looks like a fumble so this is a review and a very significant one.

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See you fine folks in the AM.

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I have 2.2 units pending. Problem: The Texans are on 3 of the 4 teasers. And a 3-way parlay pays 6-1. 1 part won, but 1 part Texans (-12.5)

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janem803 likes this

And it's tied at 14. This will be tough but there's 12 and a half left for Memphis.

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But the good news is the bet was not recorded, so I still have a touch over 2 units left.

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Lost another unit on first half. Will probably double down on Buffalo in 2nd half.

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