NickWiger's Posts

Expel cop unions

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Support the Minneapolis Sanctuary Hotel gofundme.com/f/sanctuaryhot…

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this is a green light to shoot at parked vehicles

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This capitalist system is such a well oiled machine. It wins even when the ppl win. Bail support initiatives around the country are functioning and the prison system is raking in millions of dollars a day from our efforts.

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please be in your homes by noon or the dumbest guys from your high school will run you over with cars you paid for

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now more than ever i am thankful that the democratic nominee for president did not write a gleefully racist tough on crime bill incentivizing mass incarceration and further empowering the police whose destructive effects are still felt 25 years lat- (touches ear) what’s that?

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“Vote blue no matter who” well all the mayors of NYC, LA and a Chicago are “blue” and they’ve bent the knee for the cops, leant into brutality and in the last three days have allowed activists and journalists to be shot with rubber bullets and run over by cop cars

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love to live in a country where a few hundred people doing astroturf lockdown protests were treated as dispositive of widespread sentiment and also where a mass uprising of untold thousands is denied legitimacy because maybe "outside agitators" or something

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sincerely, how can you simultaneously tell people they’re required by law to go home and then also shut down the system they need to get home

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Y’all couldn’t impose a curfew, no REAL STRICT stay at home order for Corona but y’all was SPEEDY with this eight pm curfew for our protests??? Y’all calling the national guard when we advocating for George Floyd being MURDERED but not when covid death toll at 100k+???

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Great point. It's okay to run people over if you're on your way to work

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I’m not sure how to assess this “outside instigator” narrative. It seems to have elements of truth. But it certainly doesn’t explain the whole picture, and it’s being used to justify an immense use of force.

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I'm really frustrated and scared that Los Angeles is moving toward opening up businesses when infections are rising and we have no vaccine and NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

Stay home if you can. Protect those who can't.

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LA, if you're curious whether all these businesses opening back up this week means it's safe to go out, consider that the one industry where rich people have to put in long hours next to working class people, film and TV production, isn't even close to starting back up.

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please, i fucking beg you, stop quoting lawyers who say that trump "can't" do something today if the entire conservative apparatus wants it to happen tomorrow

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So which Krassenstein brother is Ms Krassenstein married to? The answer is both

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Most pets are incel

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Ok I think I will start with the simplified HS one to learn how the genre works then possibly progress from there

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2010
Starting salary for an LAUSD teacher: $45,637
LAPD officer entering the academy: $45,226

2019
LAUSD teacher: $53,435
LAPD officer entering academy: $67,546

These numbers do not reflect the LAPD raises being proposed in the LA budget or school funding cuts proposed by CA.

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I met Fred Willard backstage at a TV show. He said to me, "Dan let me teach you something I learned in showbiz. I'm gonna throw my shoe at you and if you catch it in time you can keep it. Not now, when you least expect it. Be ready." Then he walked away and I never saw him again.

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Fuck both of you

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Unlocked the manscaping permit in the island designer app. Spent the whole morning customizing Blathers pubes

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Language constantly evolves, for instance hell yeah is now he’ll yeah

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Fred Willard ruled

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Ok just took a bath at home for the first time in my adult life. Relaxing but had some issues:

- Cramped (obv)
- Need pillow (?) for head
- Bath salts underwhelming (didn’t use enough? Also I miss suds)
- Unflattering meat splay

Any tips to plus up a bath time experience?

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Do you have to whirl the lasso before throwing or is that just like showmanship

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Jim, please stop running away from the fact that you and Joey had a great time at Chili's.

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Potions should exist

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Anytime Halpert looks at camera he’s crapping his pants

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Doughboys is restarting production today against LA County rules. I will be in the studio with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be Yusong.

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Ahmad Rashad: As soon as that ball boy said “cool watch Michael” the series was over

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if you change 2000 you probably don't have to change 2016!

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Hi, I’m the creator of such British TV classics as “Naughty Priest” and “The Bloody Ethernet is Out”. Somebody showed me a tumblr post from 2013 and I’ve been crying everyday since.

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Receiving word the bait bus will be following behind. What a show of solidarity

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Seoul with over 9 million people (basically close to NYC at over 8 million), also extremely dense & with a major subway system, had 2 COVID19 deaths. Two. We are at over 19K dead in NYC.

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The people who most want restaurants to reopen are the same people who are rude to the serving staff

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I'm not going to tweet the video of Ahmaud Arbery's lynching. But the Georgia police know exactly who shot him, and there have been no arrests. Retired Glynn Gounty police office and former investigator Gregory McMichael and his son Travis chased Arbery down. Travis killed him.

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If you find yourself confused about the behavior of the Dem establishment/libs in general during this election, simply remember that they're the people who now love George W. Bush but still hate Ralph Nader for GWB winning the presidency

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The rehabilitation of George W. Bush is one of the ugliest indictments of liberalism I've seen in a long time. If you've participated in that, shame on you. Shame on you for betraying the memory of massacred Iraqis & the ppl in NOLA who didn't have to die. Please feel shitty.

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A highlight of the sci-fi/fantasy roleplaying game Final Fantasy VIl Remake is out squatting the beefcakes

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All evidence points to the risk of transmission outdoors being relatively low. So really, we need MORE street vendors, and fewer Walmarts.

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I believe Tara Reade. It’s one thing for people not to, or to remain committed to voting for Biden to avert the greater evil of a second Trump term. But the liberals who have taken it upon themselves to dig into her personal life and smear her are the fucking scum of the Earth

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a child whose father abandoned him to go have 28 other kids in the Philippines, would grow from 5’6 to 6’8 while homeless for two years, loved chuck day so much he almost killed himself when the pistons fired him, and led the nba in rebounding from age 30-37? Pass

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If people start calling you a hero that means they're about to let you die

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Thanks for the materia Chadley. Ya fuckin weird ass fuckin freak

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Current count of chains/operators that received PPP funds:

Ruth’s
Fiesta RG
Rave
Meritage
Potbelly
J. Alexander’s
Fogo

Returned:
Shake Shack
Kura Sushi
Sweetgreen

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Trump has a program to juke the unemployment stats in the form of small business loans. He is giving money to small businesses to re-hire all their employees but since lockdown is still in place it’s essentially a no show mob job.

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Blowin loads... what a hoot

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Laughed at an attachment... a humiliating faux pas

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The combination of James Worthy being self effacing and the documentary spinning could lead casual fans to think Jordan was UNC's star in 1982. He wasn't. Worthy was the All American and finals MVP. He shot 13 for 17 and scored 28 points. Jordan made the winning shot and had 16.

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This is already one of the best sports docs of all time

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There absolutely should not be a menu option to “eat 10 turnips.” What a wild design decision!

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Extraordinary leadership from CEO of Outback Steakhouse (Bloomin' Brands):

Sales down ~60%
No furloughs or layoffs (90,000 employees)
CEO & board pay cut to 0
Free meals for staff

"Our priorities have centered on taking care of our people and serving food in a safe environment"

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I try very hard to stay positive on the timeline, but the level of vitriol and disgust I feel for opponents of single payer healthcare is sometimes overwhelming. To let someone die because they are poor and you are rich is to abandon your humanity completely. It is unforgivable.

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yeah sure i'll post a photo of myself from when i was 20. hell why dont i just post a photo of my Ass and Balls. why i dont i just put a clown suit on and post a photo of my Ass and Balls

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For the record I loved it

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Minorities are disproportionately dying from coronavirus, and it’s no accident.
Leaders failure to act is resulting in ethnic cleansing.

Developers are chomping at the bit to gentrify their neighborhoods once enough of them die.

It’s just like Katrina but on a global scale.

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CJ is an asshole

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“The medical authorities issue minute and detailed instructions to the people as to how the illness may be avoided...

“But what use is it to teach people about the evil of overcrowding when their wages will not permit them a decent house?”

- James Connolly on tuberculosis, 1915

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I don't know who needs to hear this, vote-shaming (or vote bullying) - especially non-voters - is an exercise in futility!

But not because the non-voter lacks some measure of sophistication or understanding, but because, you the vote shamer does.

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Every now & then, when I’m feeling self pity about my oft mispronounced as a slur last name, I’m introduced to a man like George “Steve” Cum

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Bright side is you don’t have to donate to Biden because he’s got the PAC $ to run the campaign. You don’t have to canvas for him bc the media will decide what voters think about him. So now we can put all effort & $ into the most progressive downballot candidates who need it.

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Bernie is the reason I became politically active in the first place. He made me believe.

I am never going to stop fighting for someone I don't know.

#ThankYouBernie

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Yes. I’m also seeing this term applied to grocery store workers, mostly low income people of color, still earning poverty wages while being put at deadly risk. Corporations thanking them for their ‘heroic acts’ while denying them hazard pay.

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“California” only means the Bay Area and the rich parts of LA to way too many people.

Riverside alone has 4.5 million people! Sacramento 2.5!

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I feel like the people in power’s perspective on medical professionals shifted from “workers” to “heroes” because if they’re just “heroes” it erases responsibility to protect them from vulnerable situations — it implies they somehow signed up to be exploited, which they did not.

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TV shows are now Twitch streams with worse sound

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Animal Crossing right now is like early Twitter: the eggs are ruining everything!!

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listen, if your take about poor statewide political leadership in the South doesn’t attempt to explain how a politically and demographically diverse region of the country is dominated by MAGA leadership, then it is a bad take

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did you try not having 3 mortgages?

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Liberals' rejection of single payer in the face of a pandemic that is killing one New Yorker every six minutes is no different than conservatives' rejection of basic firearm legislation in the face of Sandy Hook.

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Jacking off is disgusting

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if all you know about south korea is "they ousted their president with mass protests" and, uh, "Parasite," kinda weird to then turn around and say "Korea nailed this because they are a unified, cohesive people who all act in the same way."

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All of Biden's surrogates deleting their old Kavanagh tweets preemptively is so fucking depraved lmao

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Can’t believe Quagmire fucked his buddy’s wife. What an asshole

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sooo this accusation against biden is just gonna float on by? Libs made their stupid pussy hats when it was Trump, but we’re all ignoring this accusation because it’s against Obama’s Epic Friend? Grow a fucking spine and stand for something. Either you believe women or you don’t.

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Have we investigated whether Dolan would pass the franchise to an even dumber more obnoxious heir

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first time in 10 years knicks have heard something positive

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Jesus now every commercial is some maudlin “we’re there for you” shit. Can we please bring back the Budweiser frogs

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The media fawns on billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates donating 25 million dollars, which is like less than 25 bucks to them, while ignoring all the working class cashiers and janitors who risk their lives everyday keeping us fed and safe.

They are fucking elitists.

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Fionacatherine likes this

Workers without paid sick leave:

McDonald’s: 517,000
Walmart: 347,000
Subway: 180,000
Pizza Hut: 156,000
Target: 151,000
Wendy's: 133,000

Now is not the time to wait for these companies to change their policies. Congress must guarantee paid sick leave for all.

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swatchUSA likes this

I still cannot get over the fact that in the middle of a world historical crisis Congress has decided to just go home.

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You have zero excuse for supporting a candidate who opposes Medicare for All at this point.

3.3 million people just lost their “if you like your employer benefits you can keep them” benefits.

Healthcare can never again be tied to employment.

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everyone thirst-tweeting for Andrew Cuomo is a cop or a landlord

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Sooo my partner has symptoms and was advised by the doctor to self-quarantine.

Meanwhile UPS is refusing paid leave without a positive test result.

BUT HE CAN’T GET TESTED!!!
(Wake County limited COVID-19 testing to Seniors & First Responders only)

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The fact that Trump and all the other corporate masters want us to be back at work by Easter is a gigantic tell about how valuable your labor really is. The machine is collapsing without our work, and this is a huge sign that we all should U N I O N I Z E

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LA! Tender Greens has veggie, fruit and pantry boxes you can either pick up or order via the usual delivery apps.

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The developments of this Senate relief bill are concerning.

We are hearing lots of vague statements, but not a single member of Congress has seen actual bill text.

It seems to give a *HALF TRILLION DOLLARS* away to big corporations, w/ few worker protections.

Half a trillion.

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This is the stupidest day in American history, a record that will be broken by every subsequent day in American history.

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On me for being surprised but I can’t believe things keep getting stupider

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Trump is indeed an insane person for suggesting people go back out again but less than one week ago three huge states insisted on having in person elections in disregard of CDC guidelines.

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Thinking how in Death Stranding featured an America that was a series of isolated shelters being connected through the miasma by a brave delivery worker with viral immunity, and the President was a hologram that the public only saw a picture of now and then. Anyway,

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A telephoto lens will make the bookshelf appear larger and closer. It may also make him look a little smaller. And yeah, I bet that is a giant neo-colonial style fancy house.

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Laeta Kalogridis, the creator of Altered Carbon, is mass emailing writers she doesn’t know in an attempt to exploit this global catastrophe to undermine the (already well litigated) WGA action against the ATA. That’s... super shitty!

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My fav part of the children’s game animal crossing is flying to an untouched tropical paradise to strip mine & deforest it before abandoning it forever

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rand paul using the senate gym and pool despite knowing he might have coronavirus is a clue in the mystery of why his neighbor whipped his ass.

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Alright who’s got a recipe app they like. Food & cocktails both welcome. Paid is fine

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i'm sure i'm not the first person to point out the irony of America being bankrupted by an illness

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People keep comparing this to WWII. Income tax was nearly doubled in WWII. Everyone sacrificed. RN poor people are being asked to give up jobs and soon any housing or food security while people at the top cancel parties. It's not national solidarity until you raise taxes A LOT.

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Nook Miles+ eh... the rich get richer

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Tom Nook’s beachwear ensemble is so cute

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Many of the celebs I do not know

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Airlines in 2019: Your baggage is 1kg over? That’ll be $150. And no you can’t sit next to your wife, idiot.
Airlines in 2020: hewwow wemeber us? we’ve got a favour to ask

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If we agree that the crisis is stark and immediate, and we know that precise targeting takes time and administrative effort, why make that a requirement when you can simply disburse the funds *now* and collect from high-income recipients *later*?

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this pandemic is showing how the U.S. has failed by promoting individualism instead of collectivism; how our health is dependent on the health of those around us (hence why we need universal healthcare) & how workers we deem unskilled and unworthy are those that keep us alive

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My brother got laid off yesterday from Marriott.

He applied for unemployment; they called to check his employment status.

Marriott HR says he’s NOT laid off but on a ZERO hour schedule. So he can’t qualify for unemployment NOR does he have health insurance.

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Love to use a floor buffer while wearing headphones oblivious to the action sequence happening elsewhere in the building

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Aaron Paul showing up on Westworld season 3 is so weird. You can’t just bring in someone from a better show and expect it to fix everything. This isn’t the NBA

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now is clearly not the time but I couldn't help but notice some of yall talking slick about the quality establishment known as Red Robin and I look forward to addressing that with the community at a later date

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Wow Joe Biden just said if elected he would sniff his VP’s hair

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Man no more audiences for any debates ever please

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This Bernie fireside chat is terrific. He’s so thoughtful & lucid & so good at describing the issues we face in plainspoken language

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Last year they called it Mac Junior. This year they rebranded to Little Mac. Honestly kudos to McDonald’s for taking the note

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i ate all my toilet paper now what

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Naturally, people feeling they have flu-like symptoms that may be COVID-19 want to be tested, but the reality is: at this point that is neither a realistic possibility nor a medical priority.

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But if California bans gatherings of 250 people or more then where will Thomas Middleditch have sex?!

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Amazing that, even in the face of a pandemic, Joe Biden thinks that we should not have universal health insurance. Disqualifying.

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I really, really want to read a story explaining exactly how the Utah Jazz managed to get their hands on 58 COVID-19 tests in a matter of hours.

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pull yourself up by the bootstraps and invent a test yourself

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Congrats to the 2020 NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers

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Tony Parker fucking Brent Barry's wife is no longer the worst thing a French NBA player has done to his teammates

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I can tell by your bad posts that you are well over 65 years old, and therefore stand a very good chance of contracting COVID-19, then dying from it. And that is very good. Cheers.

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you raised a generation on "yes we can" then told us "not so fast"

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Clinton got hammered on mass incarceration, Iraq War, NAFTA, and "the swamp." Biden has the same issues and is even less popular among young voters (who Obama needed to win). It's not that Bernie voters don't care about beating Trump, it's that we don't think Biden can.

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For all the women voting today that are ragey they can’t vote for a woman. Vote for the person that didn’t preside over the confirmation hearings of Clarence Thomas, that was totally terrible to Anita Hill. #SayItAintJoe Vote for Bernie

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Isn’t it obvious? Warren won’t endorse Bernie because they are FUCKING!!! They have to pretend they’re not into each other in public, but in private they are going ballistic on each other’s junk!!!

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So it looks like Elizabeth Warren isn’t going to endorse anyone.

I’d say it’s deeply disappointing, but I’ve come to accept her inability to rise to the political moment. It’s sad and angering.

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This is a mission I’ve been training for my whole life General (Tso) hoorah

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With the spread of coronavirus, we have already seen people hit with massive medical bills, simply for doing the right thing by getting tested.

Others may face massive bills for hospitalization, treatment and quarantine if they need it.

This must end.

We need Medicare for All.

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Max von Sydow ruled

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Next time someone tells you they prefer college basketball because the players care more, show them that clip of LeBron reacting to an and-one in the 62nd game of his 17th season

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Sanders supporters are problematic and that’s why I’m voting for the man who eulogized Storm Thurmond

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Hillary Clinton has denounced Bernie Sanders far more times than she has denounced her friends Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill Clinton, Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein

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No one rides harder for the Lakers than the "real LA." Maybe the dude from Michigan who's worth $60B should have less to say about what the "real LA" is like.

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I stand for nothing except being polite online

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You can still support a woman in this election. You can support a woman who is drowning in student loan debt. You can support a woman who can't afford childcare. You can support a woman whose life depends on access to insulin. You can't do any of this by voting for Joe Biden.

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Rebranding margarine as plant butter is legit inspired marketing

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All Warren's greatest hits — a wealth tax, breaking up the banks, getting big money out of politics, guaranteeing universal healthcare/college/childcare, tackling the climate crisis — are still playing in the Bernie campaign. Warren supporters, let's make the world good together

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This white lady with big fake lips sitting next to me on my flight tapped me on the shoulder pointed at the movie “Harriet” on the tv monitor and said “such a good movie” I told her I hadn’t seen it and she said deadass serious “I mean YOU should see it”

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Bernie’s gonna do it!

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It’s amazing that centrist Establishment Democrats lost in 2000, 2004 & - against Trump! - in 2016 and yet the burden is always on Sanders to prove he’s ‘electable’ & not a risk in the general election.

Talk about the airbrushing of political history. 2016 was just 4 years ago!

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Can't wait for Biden to ask a reporter "are you my mommy" & have a bunch of libs defend him by saying he's a stutterer

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the fact that bernie is the sole candidate advocating for prisoners’ voting rights makes it really obvious that dems dont view black people as people, just capital. our humanity isnt enough. anytime we’re killed by the state they throw up our resume + CV to explain why it’s bad

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If it's Trump vs. Biden we might as well drop both of em off at a Wendy's without a cell phone and choose the winner based on who finds their way home first

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Honestly I have never in my life seen the Democratic Party muster up anywhere near the energy or political savvy to fight the Republicans that it's exhibiting right now to snuff out a grassroots progressive movement. Hard to believe it's the same organization.

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a potential Biden/Trump debate would be the best cultural product of the last 15 years. it would be the only art anyone actually remembers. Trump talking about hot guys he’s met. Biden saying he was the first black senator. stretches that are just transcribed as “unintelligible”

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Californians and other Super Tuesday state residents: if you can vote early today, VOTE EARLY TODAY! You will avoid the hassle of tomorrow and get your vote counted! #VoteEarly

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High Hopes (Minor Key Remix)

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I’d love to be proven wrong but I’m not convinced Harden shit his pants. Could just be an extra sweaty/swampy crack. White shorts don’t do you any favors

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circumcision reversal surgery cost

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The most confusing question I get is why do I slander the Celtics so much, because the answer is simple: the Lakers/Celtics rivalry is one of the best in sports and we have a moral obligation to point out that Danny Ainge drafted Kelly Olynyk 2 picks before Giannis

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I can’t believe it’s been over 6 months since I murdered Jeffrey Epstein in jail.

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Anyway my Trump supporting dad at the age of 76 can’t retire yet because my mom isn’t old enough to qualify for Medicare. He’s so tired and I’m worried continuing to work will put him in an early grave but other than that I’m supporting Bernie because I like to be mean online.

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I don’t think people realize how many service industry workers will continue going to work, cooking and serving your food, cleaning your houses, and selling you respirators, with flu-like symptoms because they don’t have paid sick days.

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My greatest Ed show achievement “you're going to need a Timecop to go back and prevent these knuckleheads from reading Atlas Shrugged #Bloodsport” they aired it

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it's funny how the single biggest argument a conservative could make about how govt-run anything is a money pit with no results is the US military and yet that is apparently the only thing they believe taxes should exist to fund

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It's clear to me that Pete isn't running this cycle. He'll take it if we are dumb enough to do it but he is either running for a k street type firm gig or for eight years from now. I low-key resent that we are forced to watch him learn how to ride a bike.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Ric Flair’s birthday should be a bank holiday

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#twitter, #nickwiger

What a weak ass line from Bloomberg. Hahahah what fuckin hack story editor from Kevin Can Wait got paid $2K to write that dogshit quip

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Biden drops his boxers to weigh himself & chats nude for 45 minutes. Bloomberg dries his dick, balls, & asshole with the hand dryer & leaves 3 towels in a heap on the floor. Bernie changes efficiently facing the lockers. He’s not ashamed of his body he’s being respectful

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Spilled salsa verde on my drawstring shorts

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#twitter, #nickwiger

In 2010, I had good union health insurance. Obamacare was the law of the land. In November that yr my 1yo son was struck by a careless driver in a crosswalk. After two surgeries and a night in intensive care, he died.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Bernie fam, bask in the wins. Feel pride in the tireless work of our campaign staff and volunteers. Don’t let them steal our joy every time there’s a state primary. They want to distract us. Congratulations. That’s what I am feeling. Immensely proud. #NotMeUs #NevadaCaucus

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#twitter, #nickwiger

State Farm has been flailing since foolishly discontinuing the Cliff Paul campaign

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#twitter, #nickwiger

These Oscars, forget it — we love the way Hollywood used to be, don’t we folks? We love that train coming right at you in the theater. The train’s comin in, scary, look out! But not to me. I was one of the first to say the train wasn’t going to hurt us and I said it very strongly

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The WGA is offering a $100 childcare stipend for any member attending one of the upcoming member meetings and that is truly putting your money where your mouth is.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Ugh I just know I’m gonna waste so much of this year chasing Nook miles

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Let’s just say i doubt it was difficult for Bloomberg to find comedy writers in NYC willing sell their souls to work for an ultra rich New York megalomaniac.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

My dick looked awful this morning

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#twitter, #nickwiger

MIKE BLOOMBERG IS PAYING FOR THE *ILLUSION* OF ELECTABILITY. IT WILL NOT TRANSLATE TO VOTER TURNOUT ON ELECTION DAY. THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR GRASSROOTS ORGANIZING.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Something that I haven't seen talked about enough is whether Bloomberg killed Epstein to tie up loose ends before his presidential run.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

We chose to organize our society in a way where it’s okay to profit off people dying of cancer. Really? That’s the best the human spirit of ingenuity can come up with?

Pitiful.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

If someone says some shit to you a good reply is. The fuck did you just say

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#twitter, #nickwiger

supporters of other candidates have: killed hundreds of thousands of people in their support of endless war, private health insurance, the militarization of the police, and the continuation of ICE. Why is being rude online the thing people are supposed to answer for?

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Team LeBron just won $300K to a local Chicago charity but James Harden is about to donate even more to a local Chicago small business tonight

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The real all stars tonight are the refs

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I think the subtext of all the Pete campaign funny business is “we will cheat to beat Trump” and to me, so far, seems like they aren’t good enough cheaters to pull that off. Pass.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I just put on the original All Blues like I was rushing to an eye wash station after an acid explosion

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Hugh Jackman and Gene Hackman should trade last names.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Somehow Jeffrey Epstein never got stopped and frisked in Bloomberg’s NY.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

how about this: we elect Bernie Sanders president but Bloomberg continues doing posts about how he's richer than Trump. then everyone gets exactly what they want - leftists get to pursue policy and liberals get to witness trump suffer very light superficial humiliation

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#twitter, #nickwiger

union chief negotiator here. This is absolutely wrong. Medicare for all would free up bargaining power for wages and the common good, and it would protect union members against a bad employer pulling healthcare during a strike. Medicare for all is a gift to the labor movement.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It whips ass to stop going to the doctor because a streaming show didn’t pay enough!!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

i genuinely feel empathy for people who just want to see a woman in office but I wish they’d think about and compare that passion to “I just want to see a doctor” or “I haven’t been to a dentist in 15 years”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

bernie’s age is all the more reason to elect him. every president lives to be like 96. this may be our one chance to preserve him. i call this the pickled bernie initiative

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Just saw a push notification on Natalie’s phone: “You’ve earned a free soup.” Proud of her

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Centrists will openly admit they hate Sanders, his platforms, and America will never be a socialist country

In the next breath they will ask us to unite

?

You just literally rejected my core beliefs but you want me to unite with you?

Fuck you

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Walt Jr... the kid loves pancakes

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Give cinema to Korea, Hollywood has Quibi now

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#twitter, #nickwiger

And the Oscar goes to... Mayor Pete? Fuck!!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Biden busting out 18th century insults. Glove slap shit

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UCB is the DNC of comedy. no questions at this time.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

the most insane thing about the buttigieg value proposition is he thinks hes going to stand next to trump and say "with all due respect sir, i served in combat" and that trump will wilt instead of saying something like "you drove a cab for 5 months to polish your resume"

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Baby Nut is more likable than Mayor Pete & I fuckin loathe Baby Nut

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Darren Collison is already more beloved in LA than Kawhi

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#twitter, #nickwiger

My working theory is "mangled in childhood firework accident"

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#twitter, #nickwiger

People who don't like Bernie Sanders don't like him because politics is entirely about aesthetics to them and/or they're having an awakening and realizing they've been conservatives this entire time. That's it.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Yes! The Bernie or Bust group is very small compared to the growing number of people who see misery as the main export of both parties. Those folks aren’t “privileged.” Non voters are poorer, less white, and less educated than voters. “Privilege” language is destructive here

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#twitter, #nickwiger

ohhhh so when centrists said the US would turn into venezuela if bernie won they meant they would interfere w the election. i think people misunderstood them. we owe them an apology

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Rat fuck for rat boy

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If Klobuchar is upset by a poor showing tonight she’s welcome to vent by destroying my face with her asscheeks

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Look, I don’t know why they asked me to calculate the vote totals but I said yes and frankly I’m in over my head.

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Pre-sliced bagel my ass

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What do you call this type of thing... productive trolling?

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It's really sad man ... our president is a asshole

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5H4WNH likes this

Trump having Kerry arrested for stolen valor

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I intend to die without ever crossing an ocean

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Still no gold fringed American flag emoji... Unicode trying to keep a lid on admiralty law

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Lakers lose by 8 to honor Kobe

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Twitter has gone from Rick Fox being on the plane to Kobe’s daughters and honestly this is the biggest danger of real-time social media

Imagine being part of their families and reading about these unconfirmed deaths in real time

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Nobody is perfect. But this website truly shows how awful living, breathing human beings can be. We are all lucky to be alive. Just try be better.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

What a nightmare

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Straight women will really buy bedframes and clean sheets and won't even have a PS4 yet. What do you do after fucking, play Throw Pillow IV? grow up

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#twitter, #nickwiger

me Zion Williamson

waiting months to get
18 minutes of action
and performing well for
3 of those 18 minutes
all while being called fat

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Took Zion 86 seconds to double Ben Simmons in career threes.

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Terry Jones ruled

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Packed a lunch but forgot it at home. Just a fuckin gutpunch

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#twitter, #nickwiger

“Nobody likes him” says politician who vacationed at Epstein’s ranch and went to Trump’s wedding, whose husband flew on the plane two dozen times, whose daughter had Ghislane at her wedding and was also friends with Ivanka. Being “liked” when you’re that powerful is not a virtue.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

NYT endorses both cum & pee for best fluid from a dick

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#twitter, #nickwiger

NYT editorial board taking the Lou Williams approach

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Liked an attachment

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#twitter, #nickwiger

idk who needs to hear this but you are significantly closer to being homeless than you will ever be to being a billionaire, have some class solidarity and stop glorifying your oppressors

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Ello I’m a Brit. Oy you call this hot water. Oy you’re over steeping your tea mate

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Dwight Howard has hit more threes this season than Ben Simmons.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Jesus the ain’t it cool news site still looks like that

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Lakers in the 1,293 minutes with LeBron on the floor:
114.2 offensive rating
101.9 defensive rating
+12.3 net

Lakers in the 536 minutes without LeBron:
101.7 offensive rating
105.8 defensive rating
-4.1 net

Absurd drop offensively. His importance and value can’t be overstated

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Roundhouse kicks are so awesome

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I hope everyone at College Humor lands on their feet. I remember when Funny or Die pulled this same bullshit

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#twitter, #nickwiger

LBJ nicknamed his big dick “jumbo”. Pretty on the nose Lyndon

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Large soups are too large

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It honestly makes me despair, watching MSM lemmings celebrate and normalize this wildly unprecedented provocation. We've learned nothing since 2003. Less than nothing; the Bush Administration worked way harder to sell the Iraq War, and Americans were still in shock over 9/11.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Loving how the Iran discourse ranges from “war is good” to “war is good but Trump should’ve filled out the proper forms”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Bush telling us to go shop after 9/11 was the first recorded self-care advocacy.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Donald Trump hated John McCain so much that he waited until he was dead to start a war with Iran.

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I love my Iranian fam. I’m sad and scared. Nothing about this is good and all I ever want is for my family to continue to be ok. Thanks pals who have reached out

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#twitter, #nickwiger

if you're gung ho about the US potentially going to war, post pics of your enlistment papers or log off

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#twitter, #nickwiger

“I want my expensive ass house to suck” -Dr Phil, a real fool

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Any recs for a Rise of Skywalker podcast episode?

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#twitter, #nickwiger

That win fuckin sucked!!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

tk93 likes this

I have one tweet in my drafts that will blow the roof off my Twitter. It’s over the top even for me, and I’m too nervous to post it. On that note, if this tweet gets 250 likes by midnight I will send it out when I am absolutely hammered tonight

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#twitter, #nickwiger

i've been volunteering for warren and sanders in various capacities over the last few months and i can tell you every voter i have ever spoken to is voting for either bernie or trump and doesn't give a shit about any other dem candidate. i've not seen a single buttigieg supporter

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The driver in front of us is all over the place. Maybe he went to Tulane University.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Obama’s favorite podcasts list would all be NPR shit & Pod Save America

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#twitter, #nickwiger

millions of Kingdoms Hearts fans walk amongst us, having careers, fulfilling relationships, even being pillars of their communities. they will also burst into tears thinking about Donald Duck, whose sailor shirt exposes his asshole, talking to a dark anime guy

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The most depressing part of LITTLE WOMEN (1869) is not when Beth dies but when Jo's short story wins a prize of $100, reminding any fellow writers reading the book that freelance rates have remained roughly stable SINCE THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Guy Fieri hating eggs is a dazzling character detail. You couldn’t write it

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Getting back into patty melts

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It’s canon that a rotting, yellow toothed 90 year old dumped out inside the Melania Trump of Coruscant

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#twitter, #nickwiger

- “how did you get so much political power? are you from some dynasty?”

- “no, I’m from nowhere; just a bartender from the Bronx. Anybody can be in poli-”

“WRONG,” says the ex-President as he rises from the grave “AOC, you are a NIXON”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Santa is uncircumcised

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Like elf on the shelf & gender reveal parties we’ll quickly normalize annual unhinged Kevin Spacey Xmas vids & feel like it’s been happening our whole lives

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It’s up to you to decide for tomorrow: do you root for the mom and pop shop underdog scrappy Lakers doing things the right way to try to make ends meet and compete on an even playing field or a tech billionaire criminal enterprise trying to spend and cheat their way to success

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#twitter, #nickwiger

My sources say the death penalty, for salary cap circumvention, being considered for Uncle Dennis. I oppose capital punishment and take no pleasure in reporting this.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Every once in a while I think it’s important to remember that Josh Gad fucks Q*bert in Pixels

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Force lightning is OP

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Via Lucasfilm source: there’s an Episode IX deleted scene where Rey uses force healing to regrow Snap Wexley’s foreskin

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I hope mayor Pete shits his pants

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#twitter, #nickwiger

HEYYYYY if you live in california and you’re not a registered democrat you need to request a Democratic Party ballot by DECEMBER 20th if you want to vote in the primary!!!!!!!!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Don’t really get the logic behind the dems doing an impeachment speedrun like they needed to leave time for Xmas shopping

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Been a while since there was one of those insane hygiene posts everyone dunked on like “I have never once washed my socks” or “does anyone else sit side saddle on the toilet”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

im on star wars i play the alien whose job it is to make sure no one vaccinates baby yoda

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I think I outgrew jacking off

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I am a political commentator who spends 19 hours a day online and believes this is real

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Eatin a wack apple

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I’d been shipping Shaq & the General for years so to see them canonically friends... it’s just really special

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#twitter, #nickwiger

R. Lee Ermey JOI

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#twitter, #nickwiger

kirk douglas, check it and see / he's got a birthday, he's 103

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Seriously how do I get the AD Ruffles shoes

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I can't see how Mayor Pete's insufferably smug act could possibly work in the general when even a know it all dork like me wants to give him a fuckin swirly

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Love to buy sweatpants at the adidas store & come home to an email that I've joined the adidas creators club

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Bill Simmons has seen six movies

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Love men’s athletic shorts so thin they show the outline of your glans

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Just encountered potato salad with black olives mixed in. Unsettling

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Can’t believe a 17 year old has never heard of Van Halen or Deep Purple or the Louis Prima Orchestra

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Luka is so good it’s infuriating

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Still undecided for president. So far every candidate I’ve evaluated has turned out to offer some quality of malarkey

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Recasting Lloyd Braun was the right call

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#twitter, #nickwiger

my god, epstein's fake suicide is truly a thanksgiving miracle. peace in our time. absolutely zero people in this house think he simply killed himself

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I hate the power hour with my life. Go Lakers

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The NBA is the most Democrat shit ever. The season is 15 games too long and they're like "what if we got rid of 2 games and added a midseason tournament sponsored by Aetna?"

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Woke up thinking about Lou Will gifting his SO a dildo mold of his own hog for Xmas

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Get your joint molded and give it to her. What I’m doing for mine for Xmas lol

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hunter Biden on just a historic failson run. Juiced up Barry Bonds level

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Laughed at an image

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Parasite dad is my favorite man

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#twitter, #nickwiger

How in the hell do you come up with 16 MVP picks? Need to put that moonshine down my dog!!! Smh

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#twitter, #nickwiger

don’t re-seed, NBA, I’m begging you. you have no idea how much you’ll miss full season intra-conference storylines once they’re gone

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The Taco Bell chihuahua was famous for like two entire years but we’ve already moved on from Cybertruck. The human body was not built for this. We’re headed for a wall I don’t think we’re ready for.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Don’t care if it’s “ready to play” I refuse to start a game before it’s finished downloading

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Thinking about the hourlong argument I had with my college roommate bc he was convinced crouching tiger was a true story

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#twitter, #nickwiger

All Prince Andrew had to do his whole life was nothing, and he still managed to completely fuck it up. Inspirational

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Seriously how did the fuck up the astronaut diaper movie

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Those soft grocery store cookies with the icing. I don't know what you call em but I know where they belong: my tum tum

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#twitter, #nickwiger

What’s going on in the news today

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I just watched the new Cats trailer on the bus & I felt like I was watching hentai

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#twitter, #nickwiger

First day working for the Buttigieg campaign. Every six minutes an alarm goes off & you have to stand & do the High Hopes dance. My pulse has stabilized at 150 bpm

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Tore my rotator cuff doing the mayor pete dance

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I joined student govt in HS in a failed attempt to get pussy. I called my RA when i smelled weed in my dorm. My mom has a Refugees Welcome sign in her yard but helped stop a homeless shelter from being built 8 miles from our home & Im PROUD to support Pete Buttigieg for President

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Puking is the best medicine

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Should I get that chad surgery

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Oh wow this support line is currently experiencing a high volume of callers. Prob a rare occurrence

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Should I play Path of Exile

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Once again I am a Fat Fuck

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The Sonic story is wild! They completely reworked the design of the title character based on fan reaction to a trailer! And people are happy with the result! This is unprecedented!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Mitch just ordered a medium fries at McDonald's & they gave it to him in a medium sized paper sleeve (like a small fries). When did this happen? Mediums have always been red carton

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#twitter, #nickwiger

When you are young your roommates are guys named Craig & Tony. When you are old your roommate is a wife

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i weighed my dog this am and despite reducing his calories for weeks, he’s not lost weight. I felt very sad about his lack of progress in general. I decided to stop for a smoothie before work to cheer myself up for i am simple. 1/

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Kuz a team worst -15 absolutely matches the eye test

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Well that was unsettling

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1. I don’t mean scallion cream cheese. That’s its own thing

2. Shocked by how many people apparently like veggie cc. Our nation has lost its way

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I only believe in one conspiracy theory, which is that Epstein committed suicide — and i hold onto this ridiculous belief despite the more obvious, evidence-based story that he was murdered

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I am the dairy dude

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Also my actual Laker fandom low point this decade was the 3 months I had Ramon Sessions as my avi but in the moment I couldn’t remember if it was him or Kendall Marshall

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Cigarettes are back

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The CG James Dean is obv gross & I felt the same way about CG Peter Cushing in Rogue One. Puke city

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I’m deleting the Jack off tweet

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Chris, as System of a Down once said “we can’t afford to be neutral on a moving train”

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John Delaney to hold "fireside chat" fundraiser at Oh My Ribs! Theater

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Beto’s official statement: “Listen up assholes, I’m dropping the fuck out to focus on jacking my dick”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I just learned what means so it’s about done

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Has anyone asked Kyrie for his thoughts on Epstein

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#twitter, #nickwiger

John Witherspoon ruled

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My fav genre of music is water level

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#twitter, #nickwiger

every self-styled Good Rich Guy like Warren Buffet or Tom Steyer could be funding nationwide networks of independent media to report on the wealthy and powerful. they don't. because they know which side they're on.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Really glad Popeyes is bringing back the sandwich for good. Was afraid they'd take a McRib seasonal approach

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Benioff/Weiss admit they’d “never seen a TV show before” & their pitch doc consisted of a Subway napkin with text “dragon + titty”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I should clarify this is Trae Young related. Thank you league pass free preview

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Remember a year or so ago when HoarseWisperer was arguing against $15 minimum wage because he said it would mean pizza delivery drivers would make $35k/year? Now he’s doing a patreon because he says his resistance posts are the equivalent of five years hard work

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Is there porno on tiktok

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Suns won one game and they started testing players

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I’m a big beefy boy

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Oh hell yeah... Doris

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Sorkin Zuckerberg: You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.

IRL Zuckerberg: Guhhhh well I think lying is bad (gulp)

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Republicans believe any exercise of power by democrats is wrong. That is their belief system. They cannot be hypocrites

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Mistermoman likes this

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Perhaps I shall become a hockey fan

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#twitter, #nickwiger

What kinda fuckin possession was that. I had a wow locked & loaded

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I want to like Bernie Sanders, I really do, but I can’t help but notice that he’s causing poor people to act very angry and confident now rather than be quietly resigned to the depravities of capitalism the way I’ve grown to enjoy.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

So all our dishes are designed for sharing. That way everyone gets to enjoy two asparagus spears and half a meatball

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#twitter, #nickwiger

No one who lacks the courage to hold a wildly unpopular criminal fully accountable is going to have the courage necessary to shepherd us through climate change or solve any other large problem. Our leaders are weak people and we are going to die.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I think the Lakers will be good this year

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Why is Popeyes now pushing these voodoo tenders instead of solving how to get the sandwich on the regular menu. Bizarre

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Half hoping Mayor Pete & Amy Klobuchar form a Ted Cruz/Carly Fiorina style unity ticket before dropping out in humiliation a week later

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#twitter, #nickwiger

If you thought LeBron James was going to risk securing a Chinese release for Space Jam 2, you were wrong.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Guy Fieri is a joyful man who shares food like jokes and widely promotes countless small businesses. Who the hell are you

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Robert Forster ruled

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hey its me Wiger

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hello everyone who's mystified by all the blackout posts coming from California's #Powerpocalypse , here's an explainer thread:

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#twitter, #nickwiger

People are telling me some shuttles now check for existing reservations so ymmv on this I guess!

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#twitter, #nickwiger

not only am i supposed to believe that these dudes traveled 4 ½ hours for weed but

i'm also supposed to believe they left behind 12 lbs of weed and 1000s in cash and

i'm supposed to believe that neither the defense nor prosecution had any knowledge that he was a prolific dealer

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Did you guys like Ellen before this or something?

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#twitter, #nickwiger

When you move to LA the first two things that happen are you get a parking ticket and someone who once worked for Ellen will tell you a story about how she's a monster

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#twitter, #nickwiger

What’s your fav sequence in goose game. I like terrifying the little nerd

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#twitter, #nickwiger

so much depression, anxiety, stress & suicidality is caused by capitalism. we really really need to talk about how not being able to meet our basic needs and how giving away 80% of our days to jobs that drain & exploit us leads to serious mental health issues for a lot of people

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Fucked up how the Rockets made Morey apologize for saying Epstein was murdered

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Assemble Rockapella to sing where in the world is Ghislaine Maxwell

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Well I’m up to 4 Epstein podcasts

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Alright Overcast Premium it is... thanks techies

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Ok. I'm ready to look dumb here but. Is there an iOS app where I can download an audio file & listen to playback at 2x speed. (I don't mean from a podcast feed)

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Seems like we should help video game writers feel included in the Guild. Especially with the game industry having such notoriously shitty labor issues

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#twitter, #nickwiger

bernie's such a badass he survived the cia heart attack gun

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#twitter, #nickwiger

swatchUSA likes this

If I ever dived out of a ring but my opponent pulled my wife in my path so I hit her instead she'd never forgive me

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#twitter, #nickwiger

They should call the Kuzma Pumas the Puzmas

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Fuck hot air balloons

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Too many fuckin games!! I'm pissed off

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Nonzero chance there's a joker question in the next den debate

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#twitter, #nickwiger

The goose game is good

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I think you could do a sitcom about a couple where one has Crohn's & the other has IBS. Call it Gut Feeling or something

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Is the interior of a cave indoors or outdoors

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Is Mario “cool”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Beto & Neil deGrasse Tyson saying fuck & shit means cussing is officially no longer edgy. The cool thing now is saying “what the frick” & “golly gee”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hunter Biden was on the board of Burisma because of his deep knowledge of the Ukranian energy industry just like Chelsea Clinton is on the board of Expedia because of her deep knowledge of the online travel agency market.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I just finished Unbelievable, a brilliant series about the aftermath of rape and the next thing Netflix wants me to watch is the Bill Gates documentary, Inside Bill’s Brain. Weird because one of the things inside Bill’s brain was Jeffrey Epstein’s phone #.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Trump is bad but Hunter Biden trading on his father’s position is really corrupt. We can walk and chew gum people. Hunter Biden has been on the payroll of the Chinese state and on the payroll of Ukrainian oligarchs. This is bad.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Anyone need an extra BOLA ticket for *tonight*? Face value. DM me

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Only the elderly maestros running the Democratic party are savvy enough not to be baited into action by Donald Trump's clever campaign of constantly committing oafish and obvious crimes, getting caught, and then having his drunk vampire lawyer heatedly cop to them on television.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Then, out of nowhere, a cool teen *in Lakers shorts* comes over, says "hold on a sec," grabs the beetle out of midair, & throws it 200 feet like Yasiel Puig! It was at once so heroic & so emasculating

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Is anyone still playing Hearthstone. Is it pretty much the same as always

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Beto: this SHIT is FUCKED up

Everyone: what’s your plan to fix it

Beto to his advisers: should I start saying cum now?

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Man they're not even trying with this Iran war pretense. At least trot out some aluminum tubes or something

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#twitter, #nickwiger

a good comedian should be able to read the room and the room is 2019

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Me one week into a writing job: God I’m so happy to be working again

Me two months into a writing job: Ugh maybe I should just start an onlyfans

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I kinda expected the cum explosion to have more traction

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#twitter, #nickwiger

I’m thrilled with the WGA election results and excited to finally put all this behind us so we can start to focus on what’s really important - HOLDING TRIBUNALS AND MAKING ALL TRAITORS PAY FOR THEIR INSOLENCE

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Not to downplay the allegations that Kavanaugh was (is?) an aggressive sex creep, but we never got a remotely plausible account of his finances, did we? One of the most powerful public servants in the country & apparently huge sums of money just fell into his lap. What a farce.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

In nba2k20 career mode they make you stop playing basketball to go to a beats by dre dance party where you tap X to dance to get more fans. You cannot skip this. there's no alternative. Its more embarrassing than anything depression quest or undertale could ever ever do

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Our last set of forever wars were retaliation for 9/11 on countries that didn’t do 9/11. Our new forever war will be to support the country who actually did 9/11

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hi Mr President, we’re Twitter! Can we get a suggestion for today?

...

Ok I heard “Obama Netflix!”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Hell yeah the far side is coming back!! I’m sure like every other property that’s returned after a long hiatus it’ll be better than ever

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#twitter, #nickwiger

my hot take on the democratic primary right now is that the divide isn’t actually a one dimensional “left/moderate”. instead, it has two dimensions. “return to normalcy” vs “big change” and “want to elect a woman” vs “can only win if we nominate a man”

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#twitter, #nickwiger

comedy is not supposed to be about 'taking risks.' comedy is a small yellow boy with spiky hair being choked by his dad who has two hairs

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#twitter, #nickwiger

In this thread I’m both being reminded of pies I’ve forgotten & learning of pies I’ve never known. What a (sweet) treat

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Suggesting UCB pay the thousands of content creators that run their for-profit theatres on two coasts will get you blackballed from comedy, but recording a racist podcast will get you on SNL.

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Can't wait til the patreon bubble bursts & the studios bust the writers union so I can finally pursue my dream career of being the guy at the pier with a big snake

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#twitter, #nickwiger

Salt water taffy is made from cum

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#twitter, #nickwiger

It's 9/11 today!

That means only one thing...BRING IT IN, GUYS!!!

*Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, and Steve Rannazzisi come in with everything for a HUGE party*

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#twitter, #nickwiger