minty's Posts

do you ever fancy chomping on a mars bar whilst taking a shit?
no, me neither..

aana likes this

i wanna be dirty with Minty

Minty makes my Gusset wet...

HasaanAziz and aana like this

dont you just hate it when you eat a pickled egg and scratch your balls at the same time?
No, me neither...

Sex on Legs Minty

HasaanAziz likes this

have you ever buried a mole alive,
me neither......

Minty
Killed
Lucy Beale

I couldn't get tickets to the synchronised swimming so instead I watched a woman drown through a kaleidoscope.

sophh likes this

My sex life has gone so bad my wet dreams consist of me having a wank.

I've just found out that all my mates went to a silent disco last night. They kept that quiet.

If I had a pound for every time I've needed a coin for a shopping trolley....

HasaanAziz likes this

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.

She nearly took my fucking eye out.

HasaanAziz likes this

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
So Jack could lick her fanny
Jack got a shock
And a mouthful of cock
Cos Jill's a fucking tranny

janem803 likes this

I get really offended when women claim that men rush foreplay.

Sometimes I'll spend upwards of three hours choosing what video to watch before I even touch my penis.

Last month I cut my energy bill in half.

Didn't work though.I still had to pay the full amount.

A 50 year old woman is in the press today claiming that she does not have wrinkles because she hasn't smiled in 40 years.

What a load of bollocks, my wife's not smiled for about 40 years and shes a graggy faced fucker.

janem803 likes this

please share for no apparant reason other than to fill a timeline

I invented the sandal for people with one leg.

It was a flop.

I've got a new job cleaning the toilets at L'Oreal headquarters in Paris.

Because I'm worth shit.

My new Thai girlfriend is amazing in bed, but I'm still not that keen on the blow jobs.

Especially when she asks me to swallow.

Highfields,
And Proud of it..
Sexy People Live There!

I'm launching a porn mag for homeless people to sell.

Big Tissue.

HasaanAziz likes this

I'll never forget what my Grandfather said to me just before he died.

"Are you still holding the fucking ladder?".

HasaanAziz likes this

I went to the barber's yesterday. He said, "you're starting to go bald."
I said, "well, get a fucking move on then."

HasaanAziz and Qball like this

Hands up if you're scared of armed robbers.

I didn't fart in front of my wife until we were married.

I don't think the vicar was impressed.

People claim these days there is no such thing as job security. What a load of bollocks.

There's a bloke in my town who's been selling the Big Issue for the last 20 years.

HasaanAziz likes this

My wife walked in on me wearing her clothes... Neither of us were that surprised really.

Why wouldn't she be wearing her clothes.

sophh and ZeepBella like this

Decided to do a bit of sex role play with the wife. I went for the postman role.

Didn't go well when I delivered to the wrong address.

jacksonbose likes this

I like to work hard.

So when I'm in the office, I watch porn.

Moon-D likes this

What did the Chinese parents name their child who was born with no arms?

Sum Ting Wong

perellano and HasaanAziz like this

Budgies for sale.

Tweet me if interested.

sophh likes this

My wife was going wild in the sack last night.

So, eventually, I got up and let her out.

After screaming and crying at three o'clock this morning, due to a terrible nightmare, my son came into my bedroom.

"Fucking hell, dad!" he said. "Are you okay?"

Entered a hard-on competition last week. I only made the semi's.

What do prostitutes drink last thing at night?

Horlicks...

I got arrested yesterday for stealing hay from a farmer.

I've been refused bale.

I learnt an extremely interesting fact today. If you place your penis in the palm of your hand and squeeze it until it turns blue, the person sitting next to you on the bus moves seats.

janem803 and ZeepBella like this

I heard Tampax are sponsoring another 3 seasons of Downton Abbey.

That'll please my girlfriend, she loves a good period drama.

If someone became addicted to counselling.....

How would you treat them?

sophh and Qball like this

snow, the only time girls get excited over 4inches

Qball likes this

First Susan Boyle gets a boyfriend. Then Les Dennis starts riding Gail Platt. Now they're retiring Page Three and Deirdre Barlow is dead.

Thank fuck for Dot Cotton or there'd be no decent fanny left out there.

I'm in a band called "Stuck In The Fucking Departure Lounge!"

Check us out!

HasaanAziz likes this

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I didn't stop living in a fantasy world. So I stopped.

Now she's fucking disappeared.

Qball likes this

Ann Summers new vibrator for women is so realistic!
Just before you reach a climax it cums, farts, goes limp, rolls over and then it switches itself off.

sophh and Qball like this

I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting.

I often wonder what she's up to now.

sophh and HasaanAziz like this

My wife sent me a card saying "Get Better Soon" today.

I'm not ill, I'm just crap at sex.

janem803, sophh and ZeepBella like this

I had to give my girlfriend CPR in the middle of sex last night.

It was the easiest way to blow her back up.

Qball likes this

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so?"
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

janem803, sophh and Qball like this

During my mates prostate examination he asked the doctor, "where should i put my boxer shorts"?..............."Over there by mine". Was not the answer he was expecting.

HasaanAziz likes this

Chuckle brothers quotes aren't at all catchy to me,

to you

JodieT likes this

What's about ten inches long, shaped like a rocket with two big fat balls at the bottom and right now there's a lovely pair of tits going up and down on it?

my bird feeder....

ive lost 3lb
fuck me
i can lose that havin a shit!

sophh and Qball like this

I got caught up in a bar fight last night and someone hit me over the head with a stool.

I'm still picking bits of shit out my hair

sophh and ZeepBella like this

My son walked in on me having sex and called me a fucking slut.

Then I realised he was talking to his girlfriend.

HasaanAziz likes this

to the dickhead who accussed me of following his wife home
i know wherevyou live

get stoned, eat concrete