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The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

101

My friend said only onions made him cry, so I threw a melon at his face.

94

Let me tell you a bit about my background...

Well, It's green.

42

my therapist is crying.

maybe it was a little too much for him...

34

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

27

I am not a normal broke.

I am a high-class broke.

I am
broqué.

50

Hey you!
Yea, you...

Don't just pass by my post and not say Hi!

31

Growing a beard is so much easier than developing a personality!

37

it's just that
every minute
away from you
makes my whole
being ache from
simply missing
you •••

28

In 1492 Christopher Columbus discovered my butt.

19

Experience has taught me that the other side of the story, is just as readable.

28

Sometimes I think my kids are not related to the human species.

29

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