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Seeing a cockroach on your bed isn't the problem, the real problem would be if it disappeared. . . .

54

Doc:
Are you sexually active.

Patient: I play Pokémon go.

Doc:
A simple no would have been fine.

27

I need a good..

laugh.

29

Sending my selfie to NASA
'cause I'm a fuckin' star!

25

* Hey Dad... remember when I was little & killed a butterfly and you said "No butter for a week" ?

* And then I killed a honeybee and you said " No honey for a week" ?

* Mom killed a cockroach last week, should I go break the news to her ?

25

It's the end of
the world, and
all that remains
are Tesco carrier bags, cockroaches, and Nokia 3210s.

29

Little demons who came just out of hell to spread fear on the world.

16

I'm honestly the best person you'll ever meet. I'm amazing. My future husband doesn't even deserve me. I already want a divorce.

17

It's a little early for a cocktail. When did you start drinking? -
March!

12

if cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast...

what the hell is in raid!?

15

In der Tierhandlung.

"Ich hätte gerne 37 Kakerlaken."

"Wozu brauchen Sie die denn?"

"Ich ziehe bald um und laut Mietvertrag muss ich die Wohnung so verlassen, wie ich sie vorgefunden habe."

18

In the future when we have destroyed our earth and ourselves and all that survive are cockroaches, aliens will arrive and think the cockroaches built all this.....

16

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