manic depression empowered unconsciously through self dissonance brought upon myself by doubt and concern i held for that which I couldn't change but, If i did, would correct all i considered incorrect - so I tried - which caused my thought process to create subconscious nonsense and led to, at the time, my 'demise' - which I now see through the jagged path I carved, a beautiful view of...life.
all is a variable to another, but thats all I know to be fact. :)
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