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Bettydent

Intellectual Bad Ass With Class

www.ryderraynexxx.com

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Bold Points 107402

Bold Since 1411265877000

Bettydent

I just don't have the energy to shit butterflies and piss rainbows today.

76

If you're easy to get . . .

You'll be easy to forget . . .

80

I will stop wearing black when another colour becomes equally as dark.

82

The war on drugs brought in more drugs.
The war on terror created more terrorists.
Maybe next year we can have a war on money and jobs and see where it goes . . .

70

I'm not good at push ups, pull ups, or sit ups.

I'm pretty good at fuck ups tho.

61

Most people have X's

I have a bunch of Y's & WTF's

49

I do not spew profanities.

I enunciate them properly like a fucking lady.

48

Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves.

51

Thank God we don't look like what we've been through.

57

The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96.
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

42

Nothing brings a group of assholes together any faster than something that's none of their fucking business.

42

Keep the ones that heard you when you never said
a word

56

Kinda feeling like the Universe just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done

51

I've woken up over 10,000 times and I'm still not used
to it.

45

GET NAKED

. . . i have a plan

52

" Wide acceptance of an idea is not proof of it's validity "

47

I suffer from that disorder where i speak the truth and it pisses people off.

35

If burglers broke into my house and searched for money,
I'd just laugh and search with them.

52

Underneath my outside face
There's a face that none can see.
A little less smiley,
A little less sure,
But a whole lot more like me.

44

I'm sure the things i do are considered 'normal' in some culture somewhere.

37

I believe that the
only true religion consists of having a good heart

- Dalai Lama

36

Butterflies can't see their wings.

They can't see how beautiful they are, but everyone else can.

People are like that.

51

I have ideas i haven't thought of yet.

34

I took the road less travelled and now i don't know where the fuck i am.

41

If you don't terrify people a little bit then what's the point ?

32

That feeling when you don't want to go pee because you're comfy but you can't sleep because you need to pee. . .

28

Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. . .

Stupidity is the same. . .

. . . And that's why life is hard.

33

I've learned so much from my mistakes

I'm thinking about making a few more

32

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, a Pagan, and an Atheist all walk into a coffee shop. . . .

. . . .and they talk, laugh, drink coffee and become good friends.

It's not a joke.
It's what happens when you're not an asshole.

43

SEX POEM

Sex is good
Sex is fine
Doggystyle & 69
Just for fun or getting paid
Everyone likes getting laid

Sex is evil
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in

Roses are nice
Violets are fine
I'll be the six
If you be the nine

35

A cop pulled me over and said "papers" ?...
I said scissors... I Win and drove off !

34

Oh I'm sorry...

Did my back hurt your knife ?

36

F U C K

Because sometimes
the right
word is a

C U R S E W O R D

44

My favorite thing about the 'Good Old Days' is that i wasn't good and i wasn't old.

34

Sometimes I'm disappointed in myself because i know i'm better than the choices i make and the things i choose to deal with.

34

If stress was a drug i would be high as fuck.

39

Even if you hear a bad story about me,
understand, there was a time i was good to those people too, but they won't tell you that.

27

Having kids is like continuously cleaning up after a party you didn't attend

24

Do sharks complain about Monday ?
No. They're up early. Biting shit. Chasing stuff. Being scary -

Reminding
everyone they're a fucking shark.

27

I like being alone.
I have control over my own shit.
Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude.
You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zones.

28

I may be the black sheep of the family

But some of the white ones aren't as white as they try to appear to be

32

I'm going to name my toilet Jim so every morning i can say i went to the gym.

46

The less
you talk
the more people
think about your words.

35

My friends are the kind of people who would flirt with the firemen while my house is burning down.

28

I always learn from the mistakes of others who took my advice.

44

Look Pretty

Play Dirty

36

I did not hit you...
I simply hi-fived your face.

20

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

27

I hate phone sex. . .

Once the phone is in you can't even hear what the other person is saying.

29

I respect any man who can heal a heart he didn't break and raise a child he didn't make. . .

31

Do y'all remember, before the internet, that people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information ?

Yea, it wasn't that. . .

24

My dream isn't to become the best.

It's to become someone who i'm not ashamed to be.

26

I am made of all the things this world couldn't take from me.

27

Before you forgive them

Remember . . . .

They tried to get away with it

22

The world is getting so sensitive.
Soon I won't be able to make fun of myself without offending someone.

27

Until the lion
learns how
to write,
every
story will
glorify the
hunter

22

Does it really get better or do we just get used to it ?

22

My favorite thing to do when i'm sober is...
GET HIGH !

25

All around i see chaos, panic, and disorder

At least my work here is done

26

I may
look like a
potato now,
but one day
i'll turn into
fries and
you'll all
want me then.

29

People don't always walk in on me when I'm shitting in my cat's litter box...
But when they do, i look them dead in the eye with a blank expression and say... " MEOW "

24

Before you ask why someone hates you,
ask yourself why you even care.

30

IF DOOR DOES NOT OPEN

DO NOT ENTER

28

We now live in a nation where doctors destroy health,
lawyers destroy justice,
universities destroy knowledge,
the press destroys information,
religion destroys morals,
and banks destroy the economy.

21

Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge.
It requires no accountability, no understanding.
The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world.
It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.

22

If you fuck up and unfuck your fuck up and nobody seen the fuckery, did you even fuck up at all ??

21

Morning breath is why doggy style was created.

31

I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex.

There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

24

To you i am a Bitch.

But to me i am outspoken, truthful, loving and i would do anything for anyone.

So if that is a Bitch then i am the best Bitch you will ever meet.

22

"Loving him was like shaking hands with the Devil"

25

You don't need religion to have morals.
If you can't determine right from wrong then you lack empathy, not religion.

20

I've been to a lot of places but I've never been in cahoots.
Apparently you can't go alone, you have to be in cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in cognito, either. I hear nobody recognizes you there. I have however, been in sane. They don't have an airport. You have to be driven there. I have made several trips.

22

People get so

upset when you

don't let them

use you !

30

There are certain people who are meant to remain in your past.

I made a mistake trying to repurpose you.

16

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to
Peurto Backyarda.

I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

23

YGOLOHCYSP ESREVER

29

Of all the ways to say ' fuck off '

Silence is my favorite.

30

Can you believe it. . .

I've got these boobs and brains too !

28

May the tears you cried in 2019 water the seeds you're planting for 2020.

20

One day the poor will have nothing left to eat but the rich.

22

I really feel that some of you should thank me for all the things i don't post.

33

There are no skeletons in my closet.

However ; there is a tiny box of souls in my underwear drawer.

28

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your heeeeead, in your heeeead, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head. . . .

21

Alcohol
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Because no great story ever started with a salad.

22

What if i told you that i already told you and you didn't listen.

26

The first thing you should know about me is that i am not you.

A lot more will make sense after that.

27

One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, i think, to have a happy childhood.

- Agatha Christie

23

Before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing to give up the things that made him sick . . . .

27

Just chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.

- Said a Wise person

15

Your salary is the bribe they give you to forget about your dreams.

26

Whatever you do always give 100%. . .

Unless you're donating blood.

26

As a child i never imagined that all of the real monsters in the world would be humans.

30

I've stopped telling myself I'm lost.

I'm not.

I'm on a road with no destination.

I'm just driving with hope that I'll find a place that i like and I'll stay there.

I'm not lost, I'm on my way.

32

A bore is someone who deprives you
of solitude without providing you with company.

-Oscar Wilde

18

27

I'm glad I've got boobs.

The last thing i need is people making eye contact with me.

24

The Devil caught me with my head down and got excited until i looked up and said 'Amen'

18

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am i to diss a brie.
I cheddar the world and the feta cheese . . .
Everybody's looking for Stilton.

23

COUGAR IN AREA

PLEASE STAY ON
TRAILS, TRAVEL IN SMALL GROUPS
AND DO NOT ALLOW MEN UNDER 30 TO TRAVEL ALONE

22

Let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.

24

Forget dancing like no one is watching

Dance like a toddler

They don't even care if there's music

25

THis is A VEry Serious tEXt post

WITH no hidden MEaning

23

Nothing says it's over quite like a restraining order.

22

You fell in love with my flowers and not my roots

So when Autumn came you didn't know what to do

27

I may be an adult, but i'm really more of an adult cat.
Someone should probably take care of me, but i can sorta make it on my own.

19

I don't hate people

I just feel better when they aren't around

24

Took a nude picture of myself with the lights off.

you're welcome : )

23

IMMATURE
(adj.)

A word used by boring people to describe fun people.

23

The best thing a woman can have is her shit together.

25

If shots,
sex or a nap can't cure it, you've got a serious
fucking problem.

28

When 3 people have sex, It's called a threesome.

When two people have sex, It's called a twosome.

Now I understand why they call you Handsome.

19

Fifty Shades Of Grey is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire.

If he was living in a trailer, it would be a Criminal Minds episode.

21

* Hey Dad... remember when I was little & killed a butterfly and you said "No butter for a week" ?

* And then I killed a honeybee and you said " No honey for a week" ?

* Mom killed a cockroach last week, should I go break the news to her ?

25

Never confuse education with intelligence.

31

You never know how truly damaged a person is until you try to love them.

28

If she says she's crazy. . .

She's probably harmless.

The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.

23

Recently introduced my demons to my addictions.

Not surprised vodka and bad decisions already knew eachother.

24

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. . .

They lied.
Everybody else had clothes on.

24

If you get an email with the subject
'knock knock'

. . . Don't answer it

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home

19

You are not reading this by accident

This is your confirmation

Everything is going to be alright

The Universe is making a way for you right now

23

I have a bad habit of searching for beauty in beasts and forever in temporary people

19

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet. . .

I get hungry.

22

Practice
safe
text,
use commas
and
never
miss a period.

24

You better shut your mouth or I'm gonna Fuck It !

17

Be happy for no reason, like a child.

If you are happy for a reason, you're in trouble because that reason can be taken from you.

23

Considering we've produced things like Donald Trump and the Kardashians, i'm actually quite surprised the rest of the world hasn't built a wall around us already.

26

A 'Bad Bitch' is not a female who looks 'Sexy' or even 'Beautiful'.

It's one who holds her shit down, takes care of her own, and knows her priorities.

And if she looks good, that's just a plus.

22

People who have done you wrong will forever think your posts are about them.

22

For those of you who are afraid to share my posts because you think a SWAT team will come knocking on your door. . . .

That is crazy !

SWAT teams don't knock !

27

Why do some people play hard to get when they're already hard to want . . . .

27

Exercise makes you look better naked

So does Tequila

Your choice

23

I would get a lot more sleep if i didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night before bed

18

Thanks for the tragedy

I need it for my art

21

Society: "Be yourself"

Society: "No, not like that"

29

I'm single. . .

& you single. . .

So you know what that means. . .

°•°•°~we ugly~°•°•°

24

If you're posting stuff to make someone mad. . .

Please make sure they care first.

26

Sometimes you just have to talk to a 2 yr old to understand life again.

21

When i was a kid i used to hate it when guys pulled my hair and pushed me up against the wall. . .

Funny how things change

27

Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it is fake.

22

If you can't take the heat. . .

Don't tickle the dragon.

21

A man who wants to
lead the orchestra
must turn
his back on
the crowd

25

BEWARE OF DESTINATION ADDICTION:

The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner.
Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else
it will never be where you are.

20

IF YOU LIKE THIS POST
SOMEONE YOU HATE WILL STEP ON A LEGO

26

You are dust and you will return dust. . .

That's why i do not dust.
It could be someone i know.

28

I
wonder
what
my
dog
named
me

21

If Jesus came back today, he wouldn't recognize his "followers".

Fox news would vilify him as a "dangerous, radical socialist" & the religious elite would rush to crucify him once again.

22

We need to make sure that our reaction to the virus doesn't become more dangerous than the virus itself

23

You never realize how fucked up someone treated you until you explain it to someone else. . .

17

Okay. . .

I'll come in for one drink and maybe sex but that's it. . . .

23

" You can't just run away from your problems forever."

ME: " I'm fast "
" I'm very fast "

25

L I F E. *

*Available for a limited time only. Limit one (1) per person. Subject to change without notice. Provided "as is"and without any warranties. Nontransferable & is the sole responsibility of the recipient. May incur damages arising from use or misuse . Additional parts sold separately. Your mileage may vary. Subject to all applicable fees & taxes. Terms & conditions apply. Other restrictions apply.

17

I'm about to relocate that nose you've been sticking in my business.

18

I
AM
NOT
FOR
EVERYONE

14

I saw
the good in all of your bad

19

My lesbian neighbors asked me what i want for my birthday.

They gave me a Rolex.

I think they. misunderstood
when i said
"I wanna watch "

22

A group of teenagers is called a migraine

26

Have you ever listened to someone for awhile and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you" ?

16

Don't mistske my highly sensitive bad ass sparkly cosmic intuitive awesomeness for some kind of weakness or low self-esteem issue.

16

Stop using religion as your crutch to hate people. . .

Just say you're an asshole and we'll understand. . .

19

You can hook up with as many people as you want.
But don't be upset when the party's over, the drugs are gone, and no ones there to love you right.

23

Either write something worth reading

or read something worth writing.

22

When you feel that nobody loves you, nobody cares for you, everyone is ignoring you, and people are jealous of you. . .

You should really ask yourself. . .

"Am i too sexy ?!"

19

Some people are their own punishment in life. . .

23

Sometimes life fucks you and you just have to change positions and enjoy it.

20

Keep bikers safe

••• Don't show them your boobs until they have come to a complete stop !

22

Life asked death. . .

"Why Do People Love Me But Hate You ? "

death responded. . .

"Because You Are A Beautiful Lie
And i Am A Painful Truth."

18

I haven't posted a selfie in awhile but im still fucking
gorgeous.

Just to keep you updated.

24

Even if you're on the right track, you'll still get run over if you just sit there.

24

START UNKNOWN

FINISH UNFORGETTABLE

24

I look up in the sky and i have no idea which cloud has all my data

15

SIN

Wouldn't be
so attractive
if the wages were paid immediately.

17

Before you blame a clown for acting like a clown . . .

Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus

16

You have no idea how far out of my comfort zone my entire life is. . .

23

First they create the problem then sell you the solution.

19

What we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human

13

Everybody is a saint when they talk about someone else's sins

24

I keep hearing people talk about what they're going to do when they retire

I'm gonna have to work right up until lunch on the day of my funeral

22

She was just another broken doll, dreaming of a boy with glue

22

I am so high i could eat a star

22

If you're kinky and you know it clap your . . .

oh they're tied ?

nevermind

21

I don't need you to make grand gestures of forever, or to vow you'll never leave.

Just promise to make me laugh and feel loved for the time you choose to stay.

19

When i was in school i was told:
•PUSSY was a cat
•SEX ment gender
•BITCH was a female dog
•DICK was a name
•BANG was a sound
•RUBBER was an eraser
•ASS was an animal
•SCREW was just a tool
•HEAD meant a part of the body
•BALLS meant a round toy
•NUTS meant dry fruit
•69 was just a number

& then i came across all you dirty motherfuckers and my education wss ruined.

22

BISEXUAL
(adj.)

The ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.

18

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

15

The broken will always be able to love harder than most.
Once you have been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.

18

My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed.

Guess my property line wasn't where i thought it was.

17

I
Solemnly
Swear
A
Lot

16

I'm stuck between trying to live my life and trying to run from it.

23

If you don't like me please don't pretend that you do. Ever.

19

Man is the most insane species.

He worships an invisible God and destroys a visible Nature.

Unaware that the Nature he is destroying is the God he is worshipping.

19

Dear girls who take photos in slutty clothes and glasses and label the caption 'Nerddd lol'
you're not a nerd, you're a whore who found glasses.

13

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.

21

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.
However, i looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilia.

23

Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality.

It's a way of understanding it.

17

This is a pic of me missing you. . .

Yea, i couldn't picture that shit either.

14

Interviewer: "So tell me about yourself."

Me: "I'd rather not, i kinda want this job."

24

Survive Now

Cry Later

22

When you want to help people, you tell them the truth.
When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.

15

DAILY REMINDER

THAT YOU
ARE A
FUCKING
GODDESS

19

Unless i am sitting on your face. . .
my weight is none of your concern.

27

Cell phones should have options to change 'Airplane mode' to 'Drunk mode'.

That way your drunk texts never leave your phone.

17

Every time i hear a mean joke about being Canadian. . .

I go to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free :)

20

A bar of Iron costs $5.

Made into horseshoes it's worth is $12.

Made into needles it's worth is $35.

Made into balance springs for watches it's worth is $300.

. . . You're own value is determined by what you are able to make of yourself

16

There are too many people counting calories and not enough people counting chemicals.

18

It's so damn cold outside i just farted snowflakes.

23

Home invasions should probably decline.
Everyone is home with guns and enough bleach and paper towels to clean up the scene.

17

Never apologize to others for their misunderstanding of who you are

18

As you die, you travel down the bright tunnel and then everything turns to black.

That's when you hear it:

"Greetings, Prisoner 11384.
You have served your sentence.
You are free to go."

17

I'm so poor, i rub perfume from magazines on my shirt.

When people say,
' Oh you smell good, what is that ? '

I say, ' page 14 '

21

I'm sorry but i don't have anything scheduled today in the form of giving a fuck.

But i can however; pencil you in for a go fuck yourself later this afternoon.

22

Thank you for your order from our sex shop.

You asked for the large red dildo as featured on our wall.

Please select another product, that is our fire extinguisher.

19

Hi
You've reached my post.
I can't come to my wall right now, I'm in the naughty corner again.
Leave a comment and I'll get back to you.

22

- HOBOSEXUAL -

• Someone that enters into a relationship to prevent themselves from being homeless •

20

HOUSTON

I have so many problems

25

There ain't nothing open after midnight except LEGS and the ER. . .

18

Sometimes,
we ask for advice not because we need it, but because we want to diffuse some of the responsibilities that come with making
a decision.

21

I never thought i'd be the type to get up early in the morning to exercise...

I was right

19

Someone should open a bar called " The Gym."
Then I could be one of those people that brag about going there everyday.

18

I use laundry day as an excuse to be naked

23

If they had just called it
"The stay at home challenge"
and posted it on Facebook, the virus would be gone now.

22

He wants to say i love you but he keeps it to goodnight. . .

Because love will mean some falling and she's afraid of heights.

18

Jokes on you. . .

I was planning to go fuck myself later anyway.

21

Life Is All About Ass...

You're either

Covering it,
Laughing it off,
Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Busting it,

Trying to get a piece of it,
Behaving like one,
OR
You live with one ! ! !

13

$Math. . . The only place where people buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why.$

21

We go
together
like
Drunk
&
Disorderly

11

Diet Tip:

Your pants will never be too tight if you don't wear any.

17

Can't fuck with people who don't actually give a fuck about you or your feelings.
You'll end up breaking your own heart like that.

21

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside her. . .

You just have to find out Monroe or Manson. . .

14

If any of you non rich people want to go into space for 10 minutes, i know a good brownie recipe . . .

18

Man is the most insane species.

He worshíps an invisible God & destroys a visible nature.

Unaware that the nature he is destroying is this God he is worshiping.

22

"You da bomb"

"No, YOU da bomb"

(A compliment in America)

(An arguement at Al Qaeda meetings)

18

Your life can't fall apart if you never had it together.

17

SECRET :
(n.)
Something you tell everybody to tell nobody

19

My mother-in-law just texted me asking what does IDK mean. . .
I said : I don't know. . .
She said 'Damn, nobody does'.

21

Spoil me with loyalty

I can finance myself

16

It's always people with no magic trying to tell you what to do with yours.

17

Never fuck with someone who is prepared to die in battle.

21

Stop trying to skip the struggle

19

How many times do i have to say 'excuse me'
before 'get the fuck out of my way ' becomes acceptable ?

16

26

LOST UNICORN

. . . If you find it,
please stop doing drugs . . .

17

You would'nt worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do

18

Stop having relationship problems with someone you are not in a relationship with

25

Maybe plants are actually farming us. . .

Giving us oxygen until we eventually decompose and they can consume us . . .

22

FOR TODAY . . . . . . .

• Drink your coffee

• Stay focused & positive

• Don't freak out

• Remember, stabbing people is wrong !

• Are you wearing pants ?

20

Heads up guys !

There are some real weirdos in this group. . . .

Someone messaged me asking to meet up in the woods for a naked satanic ritual and then they didn't even show up.

17

This is the longest something made in China has ever lasted.

19

"No thanks Ouija". . .

"I don't even like to talk to live people."

16

I just saved a ton of money on Christmas this year by discussing politics on Facebook !

18

BOSS:

"Are you on drugs ?"

ME:

"You & i both know that you don't pay me enough to have a drug problem."

17

People who ask me what I'm doing tomorrow probably assume i even know what day of the week it is.

21

Duct Tape

Turning

'NO ! NO !'

into

'MMPH ! MMPH !'

Since 1943

20

It's okay

My sarcasm fixes your stupidity

18

Mosquitos be waking up from winter like. . . .

' Where ya'll at '

16

The first guy to discover milk probably did a lot of other weird shit too.

25

If you smoke weed you get high. . .

If you read books you get educated. . .

If you do both, you get highly educated. . .

14

If you haven't grown up by age 50,
you don't have to.

15

"FUDICULOUS"

Because sometimes "fucking ridiculous" more than applies, but isn't socially acceptable.

14

People stare at

me like they've

never seen a walking

Goddess before

14

No, actually my post wasn't about you...

But if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it.

17

He said,
"you are beautiful"

I told him

"beautiful is a lazy and lousy way to describe me"

17

May your vibes shift the whole damn frequency of the room when you walk in

22

I can't believe nobody
has kidnapped me yet :(

21

Everyone has an asshole friend

If you don't. . .

You are the asshole

23

I hate my moods.

They never ask permission before they change.

21

THE SAME PEOPLE THAT SELL THE PANIC SELL THE PILL

17

I'm kind of like a finger in the ass.

I'm either a wonderful surprise or make everything really awkward and uncomfortable.

17

If you have to buy stuff to store your stuff,
you might have too much stuff.

16

NO SOLICITING

• We are too broke to buy anything

• We know who we are voting for

• We have found Jesus

. . . Seriously, unless you are giving away beer

PLEASE GO AWAY

20

Whoever said technology will replace paper....

Has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an ipad.

18

I called my job from jail to tell them why i can't make it. . .

These fuckers bailed me out and made me come to work. . .

14

When a cop tells you to 'spread em' he is not flirting. . .

I know this now

25

I want to be a good parent. . .

I just feel like i'm going to need some different kids to work with. . .

22

Leave nothing but footprints. . .

Take nothing but pictures. . .

Kill nothing but time. . .

19

RELIGIOUS
FREEDOM

What you believe is not the problem.

What you think i should believe is the problem.

16

If your mind doesn't turn me on...

Nothing else you have will.

17

I will not sleep until i find a cure for my insomnia

19

Yesterday i did nothing and today i'm finishing what i started yesterday.

16

It's okay to lose your shit sometimes because if you keep your shit you'll end up full of shit and then you'll explode and there'll be shit everywhere.
A shit storm.
And nobody wants that.

15

If you think nobody cares if you're alive,

Try missing a couple of payments.

15

SHIT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR :

1. Your Shit
2. Crazy Shit
3. Bullshit
4. Stupid Shit
5. Fake Shit
6. Shit That Has Nothing
To Do With Me

20

PROS & CONS OF DATING ME

CONS

• I'm an asshole

PROS

• I'm your asshole

18

I scream

You scream

The police come

Its awkward

16

If you are too tired to speak. . .

Sit next to me, because i too am fluent in silence.

17

You're a boob.

Just titt'n. . .

You're my breast friend :)

12

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year.
Looks like i'm in store for a wild December.

15

Honestly. . . .

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking

14

Happily Ever After is so
Once Upon A Time

17

That's the thing about them tables . . .

They always turn

28

Does anyone know which page of the bible explains how to turn water into wine ?

17

A church is a hospital for sinners. . .

. . . Not a club for saints

24

No seriously...

Some of you people need to start going to church because I don't want you in hell with me.

17

The only person who ever wanted me for who i am was the police

18

Three wise women would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, brought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and there would be peace on earth.

15

He called me a bitch

I called him an ambulance

20

There's a difference between hate speech & speech that you hate

19

Fuck Sexy

Can someone bring back intelligence ?

... and common sense ?

18

900 people get Corona Virus and the wholeworld wants to wear a surgical mask.

30 million people have aids but still nobody wants to wear a condom.

16

True evil is,

above all things,

seductive

16

Don't believe everything you read in public toilets. . .

Dave is not up for a good time

What an awkward phone call that was. . .

15

Never get mad at someone for being who they've always been...

Be upset with yourself for not coming to terms with it sooner.

16

I'm really tired of people who complain about the price of everything. . .

$2.00 for a cup of coffee
$3.00 for coat check
$4.00/hr for parking

I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house. . .

15

I finished three books today. . .

And believe it or not. . .

That's a lot of coloring

20

It's funny how a taste of your own medicine makes you sick. . .

21

You gotta be mature enough to understand that you have some toxic traits too.

It's not always the other person. . .

14

If you're not weird. . .

Don't expect me to understand you.

20

When a person tells you that you hurt them. . .

You don't get to decide that you didn't.

18

I wish Santa would publish his naughty list.

What a great way to meet people.

17

I just want you all to know that i read your posts while i poop.

20

BITCH
(n.)

Any girl who is prettier or better than you.

15

I'm an open book.

I'm just difficult to read.

25

A weasel walls into a bar.

The bartender says, 'Wow, i've never served a weasel before. What can i get you ?"

"Pop", goes the weasel.

11

In war
It's not who's right...
It's who's left...

17

AUSTRALIAN KISS

( Like a french kiss but down under. . . )

18

I'll be there around 9:00 ish.

. . . . heavy on the " ish " . . . .

17

something like this
but not like this

15

With tears in my eyes i begged you to stay and you said 'hey man, i love you, but no fucking way'.

18

The trouble with having an open mind is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

22

I am undecided about which pants to wear today. . .

Smarty or Fancy ?

16

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope & Steve Jobs. . .

Now we have no Cash, no Hope & no Jobs. . .

-PLEASE-
Do not let
Kevin Bacon die

17

Whenever I have a panic attack I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all of the vodka inside.

It seems to help.

13

TRADITION:

Peer
pressure from dead people

18

Time is not
a measure
of love

15

PINKY PROMISE
(n.)

The most sacred, serious vowel anyone can ever swear to.

If broken you must suffer some serious consequences.

10

Twerking and selfie have just been added to the dictionary.

Future and optimism have been removed.

And this is why aliens won't talk to us.

16

Not everyone who has sight has vision

14

It was so windy when i was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

23

People
keep
mistaking
my
'wow's'
for
compliments . . .

21

No matter how nice your pictures are or how real your quotes are. . .

There are some people who will never hit the like button just because it's you.

24

Listen to the advice of older people. . .

Not because they're right

But because they have the most experience being wrong. . .

14

Has a bee ever landed on you, and instead of getting scared, you appreciate the possibility that you got confused for a flower . . . .

14

ADULT SCRABBLE

Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the body which is even more important when erect.

P N E S I

People who wrote SPINE became doctors.
The rest are sadly the sort of people that make up my friends.

13

To the people that say
"you should respect your family". . .

Stop assuming that everyone has been treated well by that family.

Respect is not freely given, it is earned.

This line is often used in abusive situations.
Frequently used to control, manipulate, and coerce behavoir.

15

I just know I'll die trying to pet something i shouldn't.

11

You never know what i have up my sleeve.

Today, for example, it was a dryer sheet.

18

Not sure if the world is becoming more fucked up or if I've just become more aware of how fucked up it has always been.

19

I have a disease called AWESOME

( You wouldn't understand it since you don't have it )

12

What if one day Google was deleted and we couldn't Google what happened to Google. . .

18

I will ignore you so hard, you will start to doubt
your own existence.

26

I don't want much for Christmas.

I just want the person who is reading this to be healthy, happy & loved.

23

I love people who absolutely have no idea how wonderful they are . . .

The ones who just wander around making the world a better place . . .

22

Fine. . . we'll compromise.

I'll get my way and you'll find a way to be okay with that.

17

People won't take the time to look up important information, but they will spend 15 mins taking a quiz to find out what kind of potato they are.

14

Grab a plate & throw it on the ground.
- Okay, done

Did it break ?
- Yes

Now say sorry to it.
- Sorry

Did it go back to the way it was before ?
- No

Do you undetstand ?

20

Is 'fuck off' an emotion ?

Because i feel that shit in my soul.

21

I don't need anger management.

I need for it to be socially acceptable to hit people in the face.

15

My husband just stopped and said. . .
" You weren't even listening were you ? "

I thought. . .
" That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

19

Chill out Dumbass.

My post wasn't about you.

It was about another Dumbass who does the same Dumbass shit you do.

19

I clean when i'm pissed, so if you show up unannounced and my house is clean, you might want to reconsider your visit.

20

Good Morning :)

Reminder that you don't have to put up with anyones bullshit today :)

16

The whole world steps aside for the man who knows where he is going.

17

I'm Rather Fond
Of
Ghosts And Spirits

It's The Living
That Tick Me Off

14

God gives us only what we can handle.

Apparently God thinks i'm a bad-ass.

12

I will paint a house with a Q-Tip before i worry about why you aren't speaking to me

13

I have to stop scratching everybody's back, because when mine itches, i have to put my back against the wall.

20

Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

20

DAY 5

Got so bored i checked out all of your profiles. . .

Two of you have the same boyfriend

18

The awkward moment when you get in the van and there is no candy. . .

14

To relieve stress i do yoga. . .

. . . Just kidding !

I drink whiskey in my yoga pants

16

In truth,
you like the pain.

You like it because you believe you deserve it.

13

If i flirted with you this year. . .

It doesn't count.

I thought we were all about to die

21

I have decided with a peaceful spirit, a loving heart, and a clear mind that some people can still kiss my ass . . .

16

You don't know a woman until you understand what she's not saying to you.

16

There is nothing to be gained from attempting to empathize with someone who is neurologically incapable of returning the favor.

16

One doesn't have to operate with great malice to do great harm

The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient

14

Dear Person reading this. . .

We don't know each other but i wish you the best in life.

19

If life gives you
MELONS you may be dyslexic

15

My housekeeping style is best described as. . .

"There appears to have been a struggle."

22

Everyone who does evil hates the light.
And will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

John 3:19-20

17

There's no better feeling than laying next to the person you love and they don't know you love them yet or that you're in their house again.

14

HEY YOU !
Yea, You. . .

Don't just pass by my post and not say hi ! !

18

Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's scewing it up.

12

My life is full of up & downs. . .

Up to no good & down for anything. . .

23

He asked why the house isn't clean since i'm home all day. . .

I asked him why we aren't rich since he works all day. . .

20

Never trust a survivor until you find out what it is they did to stay alive.

16

The body benefits from movement but the mind benefits from stillness

15

We have reached the ultimate stage of absurdity where some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born while other people are not held responsible for what they themselves are doing today.

17

Inside every person you know. . .

There is a person you don't know. . .

21

If every day is a gift, then today was socks.

24

I give just a little bit of a fuck

Just enough to keep me out of jail

24

Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only

13

Our MONEY is FAKE.
Our DEBT is FAKE.
Our two party SYSTEM is FAKE.
Our HEALTHCARE system is FAKE.
Our FOOD is FAKE.
MOST of the stuff we've been told is FAKE.

Once you realize this,

What you've thought of as REALITY,
begins to look like a cheap set on some RIDICULOUS B movie.

13

Mark Twain believed that humans are the only evil living creature in existence because of our sense of right and wrong.
Nothing a tiger does is immoral because it has no moral sense. Our moral sense is what curses us with the ability to choose evil, a trait wholly unique to humanity.

11

I don't give a shit about your money.
I make my own.

Want to impress me ?

Be consistent,
have some respect & show me something new.

11

I have a bad habit of searching for beauty in beasts and forever in temporary people

18

Yes, it's my fault you acted like a jerk.
I am the dickhead fairy and i sprinkled asshole dust on your head when you weren't looking.

14

Humility is the ability to give up your pride and still maintain your dignity.

18

I'll NEVER BE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER

19

To whomever stole my antidepressants . . . .

. . . . I hope you're happy now.

20

Yea. . .
So. . .

We're gonna be short-staffed for-ever. . .

So if you could just work yourself to death, that'd be great. . . .

17

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality

20

The best kind of friendships are fierce lady friendships where you aggressively believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world.

16

What am i getting for Christmas ?

Drunk.

I'm getting fucking drunk.

16

If i had a nickel for every time i didn't know what was going on,
i would be like,
" Why am i always getting all these nickels? "

18

Doctor said alcoholism is a disease. . .

Bartender said get your shots here. . .

16

If they stand behind
you
protect them

If they stand beside
you
respect them

If they stand against
you
defeat them

24

Everybody's got an opinion that nobody asked for.

21

Some call it multi-tasking

I call it doing something else while i try to remember what i was doing in the first place

15

Don't fall in love.

Fall off a bridge. . .
It hurts less.

12

Sometimes it's the person giving you the medicine who's making you sick. . .

21

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