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i am not a crook.

i am not a liar.

11

This is just like
Scooby-Doo,
Everyone rides in
The Mystery Machine.

13

I want to say congratulations to George Clooney, who became a dad at 56!
It's now a competition between George and Amal whether the twins' first word will be “Mom” or “Grandpa.”

~ Jimmy Fallon

1

Canadian officials announced they are planning to build up their military. Then they said, “That is, you know, if it's OK with everybody else.”

~ Conan O'Brien

3

She's a killer

Yea

She's a keeper

~ghost flowers

14

Forb published a new exposé on Eric Trump's golf tournaments, with a former employee saying that President Trump refused to let Eric use Trump properties for free, saying, “I don't care if it's my son or not. Everybody gets billed.” And he means that, he does not care if Eric is his son.

7

He knows how
to distract my
mind from a
thunderstorm.

25

Strong and
stable my
arse.

• Radical tea
towel company

10

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