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Posts Liked by oceanofapatjy

This year I'm secretly stuffing the turkey with marijuana so everyone can relax and enjoy my cooking for once.

164

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

5

The only people I owe my loyalty to are the people that never made me question theirs.

26

Where do spiders find dates?

On the web.

20

Whenever people post "I'm the one your mom warned you about," I always assume they have Herpes.

15

Legend says, when you can't sleep at night its because you are awake in someone else's dream.

So if everyone could stop dreaming about me...

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

26

I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less.

26

Our break up was due to religious differences.

He thought he was God.

I didn't.

64

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