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Posts Liked by melissadesyr

I'M BACK!!

....Where were you?

LOST!!!!

.....How'd you find your way back?

I JUST LEFT A TRAIL OF THOUGHTS ALONG THE WAY JUST N CASE I
WONDERED OFF TO FAR!!!

.....Glad you madeit..... When I got lost Iliked to never found my way back.....

3

So don't you have a date tonight?

.....Yea....

Well, Whats his name?

....Ima Gunnabeeurex......

8

Play it like its the last ball you are ever gonna get!!

9

FEAR is an emotion that trys to control all your other emotions......

FEAR its far more afraid of you than you are of it!

6

URGENT MESSAGE to our Sex Card Holders:'*
Would You Like To Use Your Sex Card? It Seems Your Rewards Are Building Up... We Did Tell You Your Card Can Explode At Any Given Time After Too Long Without Use!!

8

God made Adam and saw that he was lonely so he made Eve ... and he would no longer be lonely he would be slowly driven insane ...

18

Your point of view is determined by the power you give your mind..

Two men could be looking out the same window one could see the whole world, and the other could just see a rock..

14

when your in deep water keep your eyes open and your mouth shut....

33

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA.

A SMOKE DETECTOR THAT TURNS OFF WHEN YOU YELL "I'M JUST COOKING FOR FUCKS SAKE"

32

MILLION DOLLAR IDEA.

A SMOKE DETECTOR THAT TURNS OFF WHEN YOU YELL "I'M JUST COOKING FOR FUCKS SAKE"

99

I know the voices aren't real but man do they come up with some great ideas

117

"On the journey to myself
I've been so many people."

139

If you think the Mount Everest is high, come and see my Mount Laundry!

105

If you ever feel sad remember that there's a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.

113

I ordered a life alert bracelet, if I ever get a life I'll be notified immediately.

91

Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car saying: " I know what you did"

117

my therapist is crying.

maybe it was a little too much for him...

86

The war on drugs brought in more drugs.
The war on terror created more terrorists.
Maybe next year we can have a war on money and jobs and see where it goes . . .

114

I was built for pleasure, not productivity.

31

All the hours can be happy hour if you are determined enough.

25

Even if there was no gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.

117

Dear feelings,

I will not ignore you because without you I'd feel dead.

81

No matter how long we have not seen us.
Whether for a day or one week. I always miss you.

16

I love to picture myself in your clothes; it's great cause then you're naked.

25

After all this time, a touch of you, is still what calms me down fastest.

22

it's interesting that the people who i meet who are grateful tend to be those who are also full of more great....

21

A friend is someone, who stays with you.If everybody else is already gone.

18

I didn't fall for you•••

•••you fucking tripped me!!

19

Everybody knew it was impossible, untill there came someone along who did'nt know that

39

home is the place or the person you want to return over and over.

28

A life without passion is a slow way to freeze to death.

26

If I did something wrong, tell me, I might not realise my mistake, but if you choose to keep quiet, you're just creating your own stress.....

20

My hairstyle today is called 'I tried' •

45

Don't Be Angry When Someone Leaves Your Life Sometimes God Takes The Trash Out For You

33

if a man expects a woman to be a angel in his life, he must first create heaven for her. ANGELES don't live in hell !

26

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement.

In the end, you ignore everything and click "I agree."

35

My gf told me: “Sex is better on holiday”. That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

36

Surround yourself with greatness.

With people who want you to win, people who want you to be happy.

37

Push the snooze button for me, will you?

46

H O W Y O U L O V E
says more about you
than anything else
you'll ever do

36

I don't need an inspirational quote, what I need is a freaking cup of coffee!

22

I wish I could slap some sense into people

87

My gf told me: “Sex is better on holiday”. That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

95

Dear Santa...
before I explain, how much do you know already?

38

Inconvenient truth #482

For people
who don't like drama,
we're some
theatrical motherfuckers...

18

don't ever forget who you are.
But most importantly:
don't ever forget who you can be

11

Less is more

So get naked

21

I don't need a leader and I don't need a follower.

I need you. Next to me. Holding my hand. Walking with me through the storm.

22

Rather a dirty mind, than a dirty heart.

25

learn from your past. then get the fuck out of there !

22

The problem
with the world is everyone is a few
drinks behind

23

I have too many flaws to be perfect, but I have too many blessings to be ungrateful.

25

Sometimes,
all we need
is a new answer
to an old question

24

You should know all the places, which I visit in my dreams.

Because you're always with me there.

24

the first step to getting anywhere is deciding you're no longer willing to stay where you are.

25

Distance doesn't matter, if the friendship is real.

27

Because, silence is just like rejection. Because, people don't own each other. Because words do matter. And saying is a form of doing, and assuring, and supporting, and loving. And we're treading the same doubts.

Because it matters - who you are.

21

It's not important how many friends you have.

It's more important who you can count on...

33

I only ever ask,
for what is given freely, and honesty.
I don't always get it, but I don't ever regret giving.

26

Confidence is not:
"Will you like me".
Confidence is:
"I'll be fine if you don't".

26

Less is only more, if you have enough to begin with.

40

People say that cursing isn't an attractive trait in a lady..
good thing I don't give a fuck about what people think about me •

23

There is a difference, between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. In any relationship, one should expect, loved ones to kick you in the ass, wake you, shake you, tell it like it is, when you can't see, or you're spinning out of control. It is not always about perception.

31

stats show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. looks like i'm in store for a wild December !

44

Adulthood is a bit like looking both ways before crossing the road and then getting eaten by T.Rex.

42

motivation seems to be rare unless you are not involved.

54

Even if your not successful in life, you are guaranteed to get two certificates.

86

I am a kid at heart and a 47 year old coal miner at liver.

37

*Checks for abs

Abs : I have a girlfriend.

8

Doctor, I want a sex change.

From "none" to "some".

26

Some things and some people are written in your soul with permanent ink •

34

I won't always be
there when you
want me but I will
never leave when
you need me...

36

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

88

I fail in love too easily

127

A 2 MINUTE SILENCE FOR THOSE TEENAGE GIRLS WHO THINK THEIR CURRENT BOYFRIEND WILL MARRY THEM

23

After the letter, he
camps outside her house.
In pouring rain, he waits,
for her to come home.
He asks for another chance; she says yes. Sixty years on, he laughs, and, reminds her of the day, they almost didn't make it.

33

one man's happy ending is another man's apocalypse

27

I know right from wrong.
Wrong is the fun one.

44

i'd tell you to go to hell, but i live there and i don't want to see you every day.

27

You know what you should be for halloween?

Mine.

30

I can see beerly now the brain has gone.

32

don't ever stop dating your wife and don't ever stop flirting with your husband and they lived happily ever after.

28

Cinderella never asked for a prince, she asked for a night off and a dress.

45

you decide whether you're alone or by yourself.

it's just two different places in your head for the same thing.

55

Was so depressed last night, called LifeLine 0800 543 354. Got connected to a call center in Afganistan. Told them I was suicidal. They got all excited & asked me if I could drive a truck.

44

Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

42

Some people make your laugh a little louder. Your smile
a little brighter. And your life
a little better.

31

How much longer do I need to stay unmarried before they give me a Bachelor's degree?

24

"For my next trick, I will turn this entire paycheck into fast food and booze."

-Me as magician

18

Seems almost like,
we were innocents, again. Reaching around in the dark of each other.
Cutting our teeth on our awkward hearts.
Lips, split, fever kisses
on our burning souls,
to soothe.
Trying to, at once, learn each other, and unlearn all we thought we knew... •apa

22

YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHO THE STRONG WOMEN ARE.

THEY ARE THE ONES YOU SEE BUILDING EACHOTHER UP INSTEAD OF TEARING EACHOTHER DOWN.

41

A penny
for your thoughts,
5 bucks if they are dirty.

30

I forgive myself,
for being, both,
"too much to handle," and
"not good enough."

And I forgive you, for making me feel that way.

But, I will never* apologize, for being who and what I am.

23

I will likely be a little late because of who I am as a person.

47

I found all my
dreams in you

25

I'm glad I'm past the age where getting drunk involved company.

15

fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

6

Brains are the new tits.

45

There's always that one person that you've had feelings for since the moment you first met them.

54

There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict.

Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn't with you,
it is with themselves.

31

I REALLY love blond haired women but, when they have more fun do they know it?

10

The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.

20

The artist sees what others only catch a glimpse of ~

- Leonardo Da Vinci

22

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?

• George Eliot

28

Got my heart in the right place,
Smile on my face, I'm good to go...

22

Let her sleep.
For when she wakes,
She will move mountains.

• Napoléon Bonaparte

23

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

20

election pledge:

I have two ears and one mouth, so I hereby promise to listen twice as much as I speak

36

We don't expect
overnight change, or miracles. We just want
to know we're heading
in the right direction.

24

We wont forget each other, right..?

17

When you truly need a teacher - a teacher will find you.

22

I followed my soul
and my soul led me to you

19

Instead of going to Starbucks every day, I make my own coffe at home, yell my name out incorrectly, then light a 5$ bill on fire.

32

I'm that friend that will never steal a dollar from you. But if you leave the room, I'm stealing like 4 fries from your plate.

17

You can break me or make me, just don't mistake me.

23

See the world, not how
it is, but how it should be. Be kind, have courage, and never stop believing in the magic.

30

Evolve, with me. Through shit storms and muddy ditches, as well as laughter and clear skies. And I will weather your metamorphoses, too. I swear, you won't regret it. I know, I won't, either.

24

I'm in my bed. You're in your bed. One of us is in the wrong place.

20

I don't care what the neighbors say,
I'm gonna love you
each and every day
You can feel the beat within my heart
Realize, sweet babe,
we ain't ever gonna part

• Led Zeppelin

21

soda becomes vodka. bikes become cars. kisses turn into sex. remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place and mum was your hero? race issues were about who ran the fastest. war was a card game. the most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees. and goodbyes only meant till tomorrow.

and we couldn't wait to grow up.

34

politicians and diapers must be changed often,

for the same reason.

30

Don't complain about getting old; not everybody has this privilege.

(Paulo Coelho)

39

We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.

-Malala Yousafzai

22

If this day was not your friend, it was your teacher!

25

I want someone to look at me the way I look at puppies

24

Spend your life doing strange things with weird people.

24

would you rather vote for an honest fool or a dishonest achiever?

24

The worst part of being strong is that no one ever asks if you are okay..!

30

Education is important but weapons are importanter!

35

Catch my eye
and I will stare.
Make me laugh
and I will feel.
Take my breath away and I will follow.

21

In Switzerland 23% of the people worry about their healthcare, 26% worry about refugees and 17% worry about their personal safety. So, 77% don't worry about healthcare, 74% don't worry about the refugees and 83% don't worry about their personal safety. It's about how you put the numbers.

18

Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.

32

It's easy to
look forward when you've been left behind.

21

Lonely is not being alone, its the feeling that no one cares....

34

Too Many Of Us Are Not Living Our Dreams Because We're Living Our Fears

28

Vodka shots. Because it's Russia somewhere.

28

create a life that makes you wanna jump out of your bed in the morning.

78

It's your love that's angry. Everything becomes angry,
if you keep it caged, long enough... • apa

19

I never lost anyone worth keeping.

6

If beer was proof god loves us then rice cakes are proof he's given up.

15

If you feel as if something is wrong, don't ignore that feeling.

22

Can you make coffee?

21

With music
you forget everything or you remember something.

13

Choose me or lose me

25

I hear even what You don't say.

59

Some people are more gifted to hide their problems than others.

27

the strongest magnet on earth is probably still my bed

31

It takes backbone to live the kind of life you want to live

22

I see you.
Amongst the noise, the human fog, the grinding whirl of
daily expectations and neverending
rush that is life.
I see you.

22

Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

36

Sometimes you have to close your eyes, take a deep breath, count to ten, realize that you really don't look good in prison stripes, open your eyes, smile at the motherfucker, and just walk away.

20

Sometimes, people who are a thousand miles away from you, can make you feel better than people right beside you.

45

It isn't about how many promises you make,
it's about how many you can keep.

39

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside to be reborn again as stronger and wiser version of yourself

20

The real power of a man is the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him

68

My happy place is the beer fridge.

15

Beer and pizza go together
like coworkers and stabbing.

13

The secret of
joy is the
mastery
of pain.

- Anaïs Nin

24

Don't
judge me until you've
heard my
excuse

20

The more something upsets you, the more it is meant for you. When it no longer upsets you, it is no longer needed because the lesson is complete.

20

so, my nephew just saw his newborn baby brother and he was hooked up to a heart rate monitor. my nephew asked when he can come off the charger

18

if you can't be grateful for what you receive, be grateful for what you escape....

21

They told me not to go out when there's a storm, but I am a storm myself and they know that. That's why they worry, because once you're lost in your element there's no way back.

29

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people moves our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

21

Answers are often found in the mirror

26

if you're not big enough to stand criticism, your to small to be praised.

26

I wonder what people who type "U" instead of "YOU" do with all of their free time.

41

No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together

22

person: "I like your name"

me: "Thanks, I got it for my birthday"

40

I'm not drunk,
I just feel better.

59

ANTISTALKING

(v) learning a person's routine in order to avoid them.

72

the trouble is...

other people.

33

Put someone's genitals into your mouth and no one bats an eye

eat a chip off the ground and everyone loses their minds.

42

my ideal body weight is yours on top of mine

44

If it's not illegal it's not Goa.

11

I cant belive it myself but I miss school. Then I have something to do when its day

6

When your only measure is your own broken mirror, everyone else is cracked too.

23

You can never win an argument with a negative person. They only hear what suits them and listen only to respond

22

live without
pretending,

love without
depending,

listen without defending,

speak without offending,

30

why do you need to think out loud?

12

Because
I have known despair
I value hope

Because
I have tasted frustration
I value fulfillment

Because
I have been lonely
I value love

33

Gravity's
a
bitch.

25

my strength didn't come from lifting weights. my strength came from lifting myself up every time i was knocked down •

20

i wouldn't say you were stupid.

you are, but i wouldn't say it.

25

Even in sunshine,
she waits in the rain,
not sure if she's being washed clean of the confusion of your disappearing,
until your return,
or simply melting away from your memory, drop by drop; tear by tear. And is it just that easy? • apa

27

Make me happy,
I can do sad by myself.

68

I love when people can handle my smart ass mouth without getting offended like a little bitch.

48

I don't want good morning texts

I want good morning transfers to my bank account

39

If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it's lethal.

53

I don't like morning people.

Or mornings.

Or people.

42

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are in love and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones.

43

If you find me offensive then I suggest you quit fucking finding me.

16

My dog bit a little kid, so we had to have it killed.

He was going to tell his parents.

16

I'm somewhat embarrassed. I'm pretty sure my neighbor heard me not having sex again last night.

32

You
complete me,
day drinking.

15

The difference between mistakes and malice is intent.

When I am judged, bullied, picked on, pranked, and challenged, for how I think, I think it sucks to be me.
But, actually, it's pretty fucking awesome. That's a lot of time and attention spent on me.

28

If you ever feel bad about starting a new work week, just remember how terrible your personal life is too.

32

do you smoke?

smokers: yes

non-smokers: no

stoners: smoke what?

43

The Mystery In Human Existence Is Not Staying Alive, It's Finding Something To Live For. . . .

44

Take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded & there you are @ my place!

60

'Big boobs don't count if you're fat'

Yeah well big dicks don't count if you are one.

47

Be careful who you make memories with, those things can last forever.

62

DIFFICULT ROADS
OFTEN LEAD
TO BEAUTIFUL
DESTINATIONS

102

I don't say anything if I can't say it to your face.

7

And when you love her,
Listen with your heart,
When she asks for more.
She is telling you,
A sweet secret,
And a sad confession.
Then, answer with your soul
And love her with your all.

20

Man
Did
I
Get
Some
Good
Shit
Yesterday

OMG

4

Monday left me broken
Tuesday I was through with hoping
Wednesday my empty arms were open
Thursday waiting for love, waiting for love
Thank the stars it's Friday
I'm burning like a fire gone wild on Saturday
Guess I won't be coming to church on Sunday

16

I thought I had to be loved, now I believe I just have to be tolerated.

11

Ya* know what, the people that know the least know the loudest.

6

the question is not what you look at, but what you see

51

great

20

Falling in love isn't what's scary, love is pretty constant.

The fear is the person you fall in love with, people aren't constant, people change all the time.

31

Two Things
Define You !
Your Patience When You Have Nothing,
and Your Attitude
When You Have
Everything .

50

Sometimes it's just easier to push people away than to forgive them.

30

I LICKED IT, SO IT'S MINE.

37

People who
can fall asleep quickly freak
me out..
I mean, don't they have thoughts..?

41

I won't always
understand you,
but I'll always
love you

27

I figured we should be figuring this out.

14

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

43

Everyone is getting married at me.

18

I SLEEP LESS , I'M TIERD.
I SLEEP MORE I'M TIERD. LIFE IS IMPOSSIBLE.

7

The risk I took was calculated, but man,
am I bad at math.

41

IT IS NOT ME WHO'S DIFFERENT IN THIS WORLD.
THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT IN ME.

30

I almost had an "I need a guy moment" but then I was able to get the vodka open.

71

When I drink during a full moon I turn into an unawarewolf.

44

Sometimes
I get so excited about going to work that I go to a bar instead.

30

Sometimes I can't figure out if I'm in preschool or in high school...

Oh wait... I'm at work.

55

My Sister was a wonderful person,
who could make a friend where ever she went.

1959 - 2015

59

my life is 50% wondering if it's too late to drink coffee

and

50% wondering if it's too early to drink alcohol

8

I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit. I want to quit. I don't want to quit.

24

I don't exactly know who she is, butt ass jokes are always fun.

4

as soon as i saw you i knew an adventure was going to happen.

24

I'm kind of a lady, but definitely more of a weirdo.

27

girls are like oceans, beautiful and deep. but once a month it's shark week.

27

a camel can work for 7 days without drinking.

I can drink for 7 days without working ;-)

#whoistheboss

35

my life is 50% wondering if it's too late to drink coffee

and

50% wondering if it's too early to drink alcohol

39

i've decided i don't want to be an adult...

i'm just going to be in my fort, coloring.

27

sometimes i wish i was a bird so i could fly away...but then i remember i don't like eating worms.

30

Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is to love someone, means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You dont have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.

30

I wonder how many calories bitches consume by jumping into conclusions.

32

Sometime's
You Just Have To Put on a Crown..

And Show Them
Who They're Dealing With.

¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

19

Happy Mother's Day to the only person who stood between me and a life of crime.

34

Sometimes,
the right words
just show up at
the right time.

79

“Too many people spend money they havent earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like.”

Will Rogers

27

If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.

33

dear people at public transport

1. please do not move my bag when you want to sit here. ask.
2. don't stare in to my phone, it's private. seriously. mind your own business.
3. don't stare at me. it's rude.

30

I can't people today.

80

Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.

53

Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice

55

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up & if that doesn't accurately describe my life, I don't know what does.

46

The first to apologize is always the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.=-)

37

We always wonder
where the time goes.
We look back, and ten years have passed.
Except my ten years is standing next to me, and he's bright and funny
and beautiful, and I see where the time went.

41

And what if "Hell" is just a kind of freedom we haven't fully considered?

Freedom from guilt, shame, judgment and even hatred. Even, when it hurts, it's still a kind of love.

Maybe we're taught to
fear it, for just that reason.

32

"I don't care anymore."

- Phil Collins

14

you can go to hell, i'm going to bed!

33

i'm not saying i hate you but i would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

66

I gave wrong people the right pieces of me.

86

have the courage to touch the butt.

14

Your spiritual guidance led me to the liquor store.

43

Mom: honey are you getting enough sleep?

Me: sometimes when I sneeze my eyes close.

64

Talking on the phone with someone who has children, it's like talking to someone who has the Tourette syndrome: "hey! how what-the- hell-are-you- licking-that? are you?"

33

Don't
jump to confusions.

27

IF YOU CAN LOVE THE WRONG PERSON THAT MUCH IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU CAN LOVE THE RIGHT ONE

27

I pick up my phone,
unlock it, look at the
screen for few seconds
and lock it again.

29

My phone is in my hand almost every second of the day so if you think I'm ignoring you I probably am.

49

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.

40

Not all girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.

I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.

37

I wake up with a good attitude every day.

Then idiots happen.

42

"Beauty sleep" is such bullshit. I sleep like 12 hours a day and still look like a trashcan.

56

Most of my adult life has been spent convincing people "I wasn't that drunk."

34

I liked you more when you had a drinking problem.

12

Of course I talk to myself.

Sometimes I need expert advice.

15

If a girl says "first of all," run. There's never been a good "first of all," You've never heard a girl say, "first of all, I'm gonna suck your dick."

"First of all," means that the girl has done research, has her data, her pie charts are ready and you are done.

30

$Sorry I can't come into work today, I fractured my motivation.$

19

If you love someone, just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 80 times. That's pretty much the same thing.

38

Please do not feed the fears!

26

Call me old fashion, but I think your shorts should be longer than your vagina.

68

I don't know a
perfect person.
I only know
flawed people
who are still
worth loving.

- John Green

43

My life has too many tabs open.

31

No one has to understand.

I just thought you might.

That's all.

51

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

11

i don't pretend to be anything i'm not...

except sober, i've pretended that a few times.

15

Monsters don't hide under your bed,
They scream inside your head

26

I love the sound you make when you shut up.

66

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut...

32

ASKHOLE
A Person who
Constantly Asks
For Your Advice,

Yet Always Does
The opposite
of what you told
Them ?

32

God gives gives gives and forgives..
Man gets gets gets and forgets...:/

23

Girls like me can only stay nice for so long. All that anger and hate builds up. When we explode... I suggest you run for your life.

25

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a
brain back there...;)

22

i dont trust easily so if i say i trust you dont make me regret it.

21

Waiting for someone to concede that you're not as fucking stupid as they took you for...

Just leave it be.

23

Walking
in the wood's Help's me Relax and relieve Tension...

The Fact that i'm Dragging a Body
Should be entirely
Irrelevant..

23

My
Road
To
Success
Alway's
Seem's
Like
It's Under
Construction !!

23

If this was the 1600's I'd have been married for 5 years by now. Plus I'd have 12 children and I'd die next week.

Simpler times.

26

I get ignored so much.., people should call me 'Terms & Conditions'.

37

The Police
asked me to get out of my car.
"Your Staggering"
said The officer,
You're not a Bad looking fkr
yourself"
I Replied ;-)

25

Ironically I'm watching an exercise infomercial because I am too lazy to get the remote.

33

HOMOPHOBOBIA:

The rational fear of ignorant assholes.

37

...and it was the 80's. The sky rained cocaine and sometimes, that's where songs and videos that make no sense came from. Goodnight.

25

the more i find myself the more people i lose•
~fuck it~

36

May the trash be there to catch you,
every time you fall.
And good friends who'll take you in,
when you've passed out in the hall.

30

Everyone has one friend who can turn any conversation into something dirty.

61

Mirror:
you look cute

Front camera: what the fuck is that?!

69

My Bed
Wasn't Feeling
Well This Morning,
So I Stayed at Home
To Take Care Of It.

95

today is NATIONAL TAKE YOUR FLASK TO WORK DAY...

i just made it up, tell the others.

20

And there comes a time when you have to shout, to fight for what you want

~ Step Up ~

5

I'm not crazy! My reality is just different than yours :)

21

"Sometimes, the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us."

21

Not everyone you lose is a loss.

Unless it's me, then you fucked up.

23

The more chances you give someone the less respect they'll start to have for you. They'll begin to ignore the standards that you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given. They are not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won't walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.

26

I'm so in love with you, holy fuck!

32

music makes the pain fade

24

we only see two things in people

what we want to see
and what they want to show us

56

there is not enough memory in the world to forget you

42

True love is when you split food with someone and you give them the bigger half.

79

freedom
is like religion to us

34

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

42

I've done bad things for good reasons...

And I will, again.

18

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

16

Party out of space

11

you know what rhymes with drunk...

sex.

17

you're somebody's reason to masturbate.

18

I know i have a nice ass I don't need ur opinion

9

Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer the term selective participation.

67

Do I wish
that I could
take the pain
from you?
Or do I wish
that I didn't
need to..

37

I'm very concerned my responsibilities have been interfering with my drinking.

25

marriage
is like a public toilet,
Those outside are waiting to get in,
Those inside are
Desperate to get out ..

30

I'm not a violent person, and I have no time for regrets. But, given my time again, I'd definitely have to punch you.

33

Life asked Death, Why do people love me and hate you? Death replied, Because you are a beautiful lie and Im a painful truth.

45

Just because the people you care about don't like your art, that doesn't mean you're not talented.

Conversely, you can have throngs of fans; that doesn't mean you have talent.

35

I don't care how big
you are, how old you
are, or how strong
you are. We all have
those nights when
all we want is our bed
and our teddy bear.

39

I Don't Mind
Going to work..
But The Eight Hour
wait to go Home is just Bullshit..

44

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed...

24

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the middle ones for you.

61

I'll act my age when I'm 69.

39

I
Have a
Therapist

Her name is

MUSIC

89

NEVER LIE TO SOMEONE WHO TRUSTS YOU

NEVER TRUST SOMEONE WHO LIES TO YOU

64

I Hate when I Plan my Day..
And Nobody Follow's
The Script !!

142

i don't like to think before i speak...

i like to be as surprised as everyone else what falls out of my mouth.

60

not sure if i need sex, sleep, or to punch somebody in the face.

52

Roses are red, and so is my wine, refill my glass and I'll be just fine.

19

I'm still waiting for the day my parents will say, It's all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble.

58

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

52

Do not tempt my honesty by subjecting me to your delusion.

12

I don't consider myself an ugly guy, I would say I'm "handsomely challanged".

15

i don't have a attitude problem, you have a problem with my attitude...

that's your problem, not mine.

27

I really want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people get drunk.

63

I was just trying to be a good brother but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.

23

my doctor said "watch your drinking", so now i drink in front of the mirror.

23

Patience is a bitch.

26

Smiling at that bitch who hates you completes my life.

24

marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won't eat all of yours

21

Narcissism is the only instance, when a person's great self-esteem is a result of nature; and not nurture, in my opinion.
Stop treating people like shit, and acting like you don't know how they got so damaged. They weren't born that way.
Your feigned ignorance is pitiful. Fucking cowards!!

20

Happiness is a matter of choice. Some people choose to be happy, and others choose disappointment and frustration.

14

I'm in No Shape to exercise patience.

18

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

24

i never had a crush on you

i just fell in love

22

i wasn't drunk, someone hacked my personality.

27

Don 't
make
excuses
for nasty people,,,
you
can't put a Flower
in an
ASSHOLE
& call it a
VASE ;-)

21

not everyone you lose is a loss.

20

I stress about stress before there's even stress to stress about

38

If you can't have what you love, learn to love the things you've got.

25

Confession:

I'd rather pull my own tooth out in a cave on a deserted island with a beach ball named Wilson than go to see a dentist.

11

It is not fair that you can just dig up the hatchet I tried so hard to bury, and kill me with it all over again.

14

I love you is 8 letters long. Then again so is bullshit.

30

In French, you don't really say "I miss you." Instead you say "Tu me manques," which is closer to "You are missing from me."
I love that. "You are missing from me." You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you.

42

Stay away from negative people.
They have a problem for every solution.

21

things I haven't learnt in school

how to
- pay bills
- buy a house
- apply for college

but thank jesus I can graph a polynomial function

28

I'd pretend to give up porn for you

18

I drink alcohol only on two occasions:
to celebrate my birthday and to celebrate when it isn't

23

I don't believe in divorce.
I do however, believe in boating accidents.

10

I can tell by your tits that you've never seen a bar tab before.

6

31

*money can't buy happiness*

I think you're using money wrong.

46

When you're in that mood where "fuck everyone" has both meanings at the same time

24

I like big nuts and I cannot lie.

22

The worst part about being sad is
that I don't even know what make me happy anymore

27

Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

66

there are approximately 1,013,913 words in the english language but i could never string any of them together to explain how much i want to hit you with a chair.

55

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

98

I'd pretend to give up porn for you

19

If you see a guy over the age of 40 wearing a backpack, there's a 84% chance his name is Norman.

17

It's like your husband doesn't even care about my feelings.

20

High like a window cleaner

11

Love is never having to say, "hold my hair," while you puke your guts out. I'll take care of you.

21

Hate sex is awesome!

*came in her purse

13

fucking dreams

19

Choose me or lose me.

I'm not a backup plan and definitely not a second choice.

75

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me

than a frontal lobotomy

6

you want to come into my life, the door is open. you want leave, the door is open. just don't stand in the doorway. you're blocking traffic.

76

You
can't
say
HAPPINESS
without
saying
PENIS ^~^

19

A perfectly useable set of 24 hours wasted on total and utter bullshit.. Oh how I love sundays!

31

Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching you.

53

A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.

62

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once; seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. Live your dream, and wear your passion. LIFE IS SHORT.

35

i love you not only for what you are, but for what i am when i am with you

120

Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.

180

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

136

My 3 moods:
1. fuck off
2. fuck you
3. fuck me

9

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

15

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