Posts Liked by alistair95

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the colour 9.

Even old dogs can learn new tricks.

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the colour 9.

If you've had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.

Remember
when people argued that a woman couldn't be President because of unpredictable mood swings...

got fired from fashion police for saying everyone looks nice

I'M NOT PREGNANT!
BUT I'M STILL EATING FOR TWO, ME AND
MY INNER BITCH,
SHE LOVES TACOS.

honk if you're sick of your own bullshit

You have to be a little crazy just to survive this crazy fucked up world.

I wish I had as much confidence as our cat does when he licks his ass in the middle of a room full of people.

I can't stop drinking about
you.

intimidation
imitation
limitation

I have the name of a domestic cat that keeps finding itself locked out at night.

I MUST ADMIT THAT I DO NOT ALWAYS BEHAVE ACCORDING TO MY AGE.
BUT WHEN I DO IT'S FUCKING BORING.

feed your dreams, and starve your Insecurities

This place is fucked. All of you people are sick. I love it.

See you tomorrow.

We are living in the age of global warming and human coldness.

If you haven't told someone you love them today, your heart isn't getting enough exercise.

Let me yin your yang.

Today is going to be amazing. Tomorrow as well. And every day after that.

Or not.

Weekend filter activated

You can return time.
Just show a receipt.

Always down for a good reset

I'm an asshole. But at least I'm cute while I'm doing it.

Trying to explain how I feel now, is like trying to hug smoke...

My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing a street.

I rarely do what I want and even more rarely what I should.

Fuck I'm bored so bored.
I have food, shelter, safety.
But, so fucking bored.

True
love
sends
mangos.

I'd love to steal all your tomorrows and be all your todays.

Migration is
older than
politics

people always tell me i'm funny.

this is true...

but looks aren't everything.

love what you are not

just grew up and it was horrible

We want emotion instead of information.

Someone might as well dress me as a donkey and attach a carrot on a long stick to my head and call it a boyfriend.

And the bad guy got away again

Still learning about not giving a shit.

Trite tokens of wealth,
Consuming entertainment,
Nothing else matters.

You can't be late until you show up

Roll your eyes harder maybe you can find a brain back there.

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks,
" some asshole has my pen "...

life has its own ways of surprising you.

Just keep exploring.

I've seen enough porn to understand the meaning of life.

Waking up from a nap, not knowing which century it is.

Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.

Tomorrow,
I'll start a new tour
around the sun.

Add love, subtract hate, divide the happiness among people and multiply it by infinity.

just saw a guy at starbucks.
no iphone, no tablet, no laptop.

he just sat there drinking coffee.

fucking psychopath.

Sometimes
I have to take a nap in the afternoon. It is starting. Death is sending postcards.

Let's make our time count.
In the end it's just a bunch of yesterdays and very little moments.

Life is too short to worry about the bottom of the toothpaste tube.

Bring it on
2017

Stop global whining

I love fat layers
of dust.

On the alarmclock.

During holidays.

Happy holidays, everyone! Let's not treat being better people like it's a seasonal temp gig.

I have acid rain in my brain
and it's killing the flowers in my heart

As you grow older
your Christmas list gets shorter
because the things
you really want
can't be bougth.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
But, if the white runs out,
I'll drink the red....

You know what rhymes with Thursday?

Vodka.

This is a very abstract image of Santa.

We can't control time, but we always meet twice.

for every snowflake that falls, there is an idiot who forgets how to drive

All I want
for Christmas
is you.

naked..

Live your days in happiness as these will be your flashbacks of tomorrow.

Its the
eyes that
tell.

Not the
smile.

Flying is the

art of throwing

yourself at the ground...

and missing.

my heroes are dead and my enemies are in power

Lovers come and go, but true friends will always be there by your side to shout: "I told you..."

I plan my days carefully:

Wake Up
Plan stuff
Do other stuff
Go to bed

Trust me...
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be this sexy.
But hey, shit happens.

The best part of a morning is when the backup alarm clock goes off mid shower.

i was looking for the brakes of the dustbin i was riding

You may see me struggle
but you will not see me fall.

You might as well have a sticker saying 'Drama' stuck on your forehead.

I am the world's worst perfectionist.

My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day.

So far I'm about 12 years ahead of schedule

So...

Reality these days is anything but real

They tried to bury us

They didn't know we were seeds...

Look up and get lost.

As of today, I'm about eighteen years behind in my laundry.

Love is a blind whore with a mental disease and no sense of humor

if there's a problem, we'll dance, we'll dance it to pieces...

I think a harmonica might be just what I need to take my depression to the next level.

The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96.
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

Four billion years ago the planet Earth was molten rock. Four years ago boldomatic was born. Thank you all for making this happen.

We sank a censorship
in the mainstream

Silence too, can be misquoted

Somewhere in an alternate universe, a dinosaur mom is baking people shaped chicken nuggets for her kids..

Hitting a wall might be the first step in making a breakthrough

Good fucking luck USA

I'm thinking the only reason people get lost in thought anymore is because it's unfamiliar territory

TAKE
A
WALK
ON
THE
WEIRD
SIDE...

Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

Oh what a lovely day. Everything's still stupid and we're
all dying.

A. .A
d000b. .d000b
d0000000b. .d0000000b

db
d00b

?0o. .o0P
?00 ooooo. .ooooo 00P
?0000P ?0bd0P ?0000P
` ~~ ~~~~ ~~ '

LIFE
AND
OTHER NECESSITIES...

No trees were killed to send this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced

I never thought of how difficult it could be to simply trust

i
am
like a
caricature
of the person
who i want to be

Be happy when the world doesn't want you to be

Food, sex, and art.

People leave. How they leave is what stays.

steal your tomorrows & live them today

keep calm and disappoint your family

My spirit animal probably ended up in a curry

I'll show you mine if you show me some vodka.

a scent of colour,
oaks play music with the wind,
the leaves note the tones

I share, therefore I am.

If you don't swear when you drive then you aren't paying enough attention to the road

If you think education is expensive

You should try the cost of ignorance

I want to Fuck you like pen on paper

fear hides within the shadows of hate.

FROM HERE ON, YOU ARE ALL IN MY COOL BOOK.

a wise woman once said "fuck this shit"...

and she lived happily ever after

t h e t i m e i s l a t e r t h a n w e t h i n k

i am twisted.
there is no known cure.
run.

I am uninspired by the mundane routine of an uncomfortable apartment where negative energy circulates from the AC, memories lay thickly into the dust build up on every surface, and familiar strangers play pretend as if they were a family.

Let's outfuck the fuckers

Yesterday I glued an image of my missing streetlight on a cat.

Big cats need heavy petting

from your tears,
you shall water greatness

uncertain times
demand love.

Merde !

If you can't say something nice,
say it in French.

gonna spice things up this weekend with a little hiding alone in my room

Take nothing
but memories,
leave nothing
but footprints.

It's lonely at the top, but cars look like ants which is cool.

bring colour to my skies

C A $ H H U $ T L E R W O R K H A R D P L A Y H A R D

The circus in my head is getting bigger.

Go get some more popcorn.

Courage was born in a cowards heart.

We are all recycled stardust.

Too alien for earth, too human for outer space.

It's in the depths of passion or despair that tears become wine.

Smile at the obstacle for it is a bridge

Your happiness is the greatest revenge against those who bring you down.

1996: Stop playing pokemon and go outside.

2016:Stop playing pokemon and come inside.

BEING
FAKE AS FUCK•

IS THE NEW

'KEEPING
IT REAL'•

Remember the good ol days when you would just ask a guy if he had a girlfriend or wife and now you gotta make sure he ain't voting Trump.

it was just a thought passing by leaving inspiration in its footsteps

Fall for messy, not the perfect.
Fall for reality not the illusions..

the sun is out
the beaches dry
my heart worn out
no tears to cry

with aching heart
and open arms
we drift apart
pacific calm

i like people with emotional and intellectual depth, people who speak with passion from their inner twisted mind.

Keeping it real is the real illusion.

Nature is busy
creating absolutely
unique individuals,
whereas culture
has invented a
single mould to
which all must
conform. It is
grotesque.

I'd rather die my way than live yours.

darling,
the only thing you're good at is pretending

i pretend i'm satan's main bitch but i'm just someone who begged him to come over once

$: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : - ' ` - : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : - ' ` : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : - ' / (_M_) \ `: : : : : : : : : : : - ' | | : : : : : : : - . \/ ~V~ \/ ,: : -' . , : : : ` - . . - : : : : : _ , , - : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : _ , -- : : : : : : : #### : #### _ . - - : : : : : : : : : : : : : : #### : #### -- : : : : : : : : ###### : : : #### : #### : : ### : : : ###### : : : #### : #### : : ### : : : ###### : : : #### : ####$

Don't forget to neglect your real life while trying to make strangers on the internet laugh today.

Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.

I feel fucked,
but in a good way.

Just tell him I was too fucking busy- or vice-versa

Some people can't see their ups until they go deep down.

Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.

the real fun is offside.

imperfect or not, the moment has value.

till death do us party

Always remember to fall asleep with a dream and wake up with a purpose

Personally, I've always liked your status updates. They're cute, yet fuckable...

shhh, listen, it's the sound of everything getting stupider

Whenever I dance, people think I'm
looking for my keys.

You don't truly know a person until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in the vending machine

Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.

When you feel you've been written off,

you just start writing.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

float
like
a butterfly
sting
like
ali.

I didn't realise
how much
I hated you
until
you
started
speaking.

Unnecessary cursing.

Fucking hate that.

lonely is your soul
so tremulous and vile
emotionally deforested
disconnected, juvenile

your heart of glass
so thin, so brittle
of love forlorn
you know so little

The center
of the universe
is a lonely
place

when you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Life is beautiful in essence, but more often we who pretend to be civilised are charmed by outer vanities. Blessed are the ones who dare to look beyond.

What is life?
They say it's from
'B' (Birth) to 'D' (Death).
But what's between
'B' and 'D'? It's a 'C'.
So what is a 'C'?
It is a choice. Our life
is a matter of choices.
Live well and it will never go wrong ...

GGP

Don't you hate it too if you forget to turn-off your SWAG at night and wake up covered with hot babes?

My biggest turn-off is if a woman doesn't have a real passion for something... and bad breath won't help eighter!

There's nothing like the look on the face of a woman who has just entered a coffee shop and is praying you are not her Tinder date

A black cat crossing your path - signifies that the animal is going somewhere

there will be lies

until truth arrives fashionably late to the party with 20/20 hindsight, karma, and irony.

fantasizing about you was the best fuck I never had

In life and travel

Take only what You can carry

Eau
de
Fuck

I love you so much that there is almost no chance I'd use you as a bait during Zombie Apocalypse.

So many years of education, yet nobody taught us how to love ourselves.

Being bold enough to walk to the beat of your own drum - never goes out of style.

I like to get up super early so I have more than enough time to waste and eventually make myself late.

I wish I could clone myself so I could kill one and blame the other.

Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist.

Sleep is the only time we feel real freedom in life.

Because there are
no rules in the world of dreams...

I may not be pretty or funny or know a lot but if you need someone to always mess stuff up and create crappy situations and generally be a wreck then hey I'm your girl

life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat, you hang on and you hang on but eventually you get pissed off

If you had a bad day, don't take it out on me.

Unless we're both naked.

The gym.

As if an architect was asked to design
the otiosity of life.

The result: a room
full of machines
going nowhere.

It's not a fight and it's not a struggle. It's a mantra, a decision that you repeat over and over. To be better than you were, kinder than you feel, and to love, even when you feel nothing loves you back.

like a one legged man in an arse kicking contest, I'm not so good at thinking ahead.

You look like all my dreams came true

silent and listen are spelled with the same letters...

I have the body of a 20 year old couch.

I'm sorry you're upset after finding out the world doesn't revolve around you...

Here, let me pour you a nice cup of get the fuck over it

horngry

if you like having sex while listening to music - always choose a live album. that way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.