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I stepped off the pavement to let a pregnant lady get by, and got flattened by a cyclist.

Sometimes fate is a complete tosser.

And the rest of the time, I am.

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10

Be the same
when your faces are tossed,
so that people can speak
only the same about you,
both in front and at your back...

9

Crossword puzzles are essentially word porn mental masturbation tools.

6

TODAY I LEARNED THE TINY LITTLE WHISK I ASSUMED IT WAS A SALAD DRESSING WHISK AND HAVE BEING USING IT FOR SALAD DRESSINGS, IS IN FACT, A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT?

6

The instruction sheet from Blue Apron said,"Toss the salad and serve with favorite dressing."

And that's how you were conceived, darling.

5

And the winner is...
The winner is, winner is...
It's not you {applause}.

5

Try tossing your own salad for a change!

5

HELP I CANT SLEEP!

4

Oh the irony,
Conspiracy theorists,
Posting on Facebook.

3

Got real tight tonight,
Reckon the floor will punch me,
Right in the kisser.

3

Amongst arduous and tedious restlesness he staved off the promise of a new mission by indulging in his own rancid word salad for all to see.

2

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