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Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

268

Love isn't blind,
it's retarded.

109

He opened his eyes too wide. Bursting over the capacity of which his emotional intelligence could concieve. Like a breath under water or blunt force to the head. You can never unsee what is seen.

16

You took me as i was

and made me happy.

18

Elephants can live for up to 70 years in the wild, and 39 when forced to perform for Ringling.

32

procrastinators unite!!!

...tomorrow.

20

I love how older people say "millenials can't even write in cursive" when they can't even turn their laptop on without wiring half their retirement money to a nigerian prince.

25

The bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

30

all women are crazy, but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.

22

My cat killed a bird the other day and now I need to get her a teardrop tattoo under her eye.

17

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

15

Having your period on Valentine's Day

will be such a pain in the ass.

20

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