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FRENCH CAPITALISM: you have 2 cows. you go on strike because you want 3 cows.

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BUREAUCRAT CAPITALISM: you have 2 cows. at 1st the govt regulates what to feed them and when to milk them. then it pays you to not milk them. then it takes both, shoots 1, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

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SURREAL CAPITALISM: you have 2 giraffes. the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

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REAL-WORLD CAPITALISM: you have 2 cows. you share 2 cows with your neighbor. you and your neighbor bicker over who has more 'ability' and who has more 'need'. meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk and the cows die of starvation.

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TOTALITARIAN CAPITALISM: you have 2 cows. the govt takes both and denies they ever existed. milk is banned.

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REAL CAPITALISM: you dont have any cows. the bank wont lend you money to buy cows because you dont have any cows to put up for collateral.

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ENRON CAPITALISM: you have 2 cows. you sell 3 of them to ur publicly listed co, using letters of credit opened by ur brotherinlaw at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap w an assoc offer so u get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. the milk rights of the 6 cows r transferred via an intermediary to a cayman islands co secretly owned by the maj shareholder who sells rights to all 7 cows back to ur publicly listed co. the annual rpt says ur co owns 8 cows w an option for 1 more. no balance sheet provided. the public buys ur bull.

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POLITICALLY CORRECT CAPITALISM: you are associated with ( the concept of 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering past) 2 differenttly aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specific gender.

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honesty is the best policy - unless youre a crook.

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life can be one big toilet bowl; so for all our sakes, do not make waves.

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if you see a guy beatin' his dog, whip his ass on the spot!

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to each, his own ca-ca smells sweet... but do not be fooled by this.

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