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that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

122

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

78

You speak like something
I wrote when
I was drunk.

60

I slept with your mom!
I slept with your mom!
I slept with your mom!

Shut up dad, you're drunk!

54

I can't stop drinking about
you.

46

I'M NOT DRUNK
I'M
SOBEER.

25

The best thing about having a penis is sharing it with people who don't. Agree?

65

Find someone who makes you feel drunk when you're sober.

49

I have mixed drinks about feelings

33

Get the vodka. We need to talk about feelings.

44

Sorry about those texts you got last night, my phone was drunk.

43

Alcohol damaged my short-term memory,
my long-time memory, but also my short-term memory.

63

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