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Posts Liked by weasel

i'm so bad: i told my gf that my grandma was a little hard of hearing, so speak louder and slower; i told my grandma that my gf was a little retarded, so please be patient with her.

now the fun begins...

39

I get it other planets,
I have no life either.

81

IT'S GOING TO BE ONE
OF THOSE DAYS.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE FIGHTING.
MY IMAGINARY
FRIEND IS RUNNING WITH SCISSORS.
AND ONE OF MY
PERSONALITIES WANDERED OFF.

96

Too many are lost
in the social atmosphere that surrounds them. Hold onto your conciousness it does exist and you alone are its source.

74

I just ate soup in the bathtub.

What have you done with your life?

66

Society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers people

120

2016

Here's to the happy new madness!

82

If you consider the price per kilo,
the powder in a Nespresso capsule should be white.

100

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

98

We are all a work in progress. Those who quit should worry.

86

whenever you feel getting pulled into other people's nonsense, repeat these words :

Not my circus.
Not my monkeys.

147

Love is saying
"I know you're a fucking psycho manic but I'm willing to work
with that."

143

Waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup.

110

If you walk like a duck and you talk like a duck you're drunk. Ducks don't talk.

157

May the fourth be with you

92

My boss doesn't like the nickname I gave him. It's awful to see Princess Dickhead crying.

201

"spelling is important"

said the famous fart collector

85

The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one...

be one.

324

Im Leben geht es nicht darum zu warten, bis das Unwetter vorbeizieht, sondern zu lernen im Regen zu tanzen.

35

Liebe ist, wenn der Partner nicht nur ein riesiges Brathähnchen mitbringt, sondern auch zwei Paar Plastikbestecke.

13

If you look like your passport photo, the likelihood is that you need the holiday

146

Pink Wednesday.

57

If you think you can make anything idiot proof, then you're the idiot.

153

You know you're getting old when your year of birth is no longer immediately visible in drop-down menus and you have to start scrolling down.

164

STARBUCKS NEEDS A SEPARATE LINE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

146

EVERYONE'S IRISH ON MARCH 17th

71

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

It's pink Wednesday!

74

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

196

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

"Dein Husten riecht nach Fischfutter!"

9

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

218

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

Lust is saturday night; Love is sunday morning.

180

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

224

Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

147

quit your job
travel the world
die happy

173

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

244

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

187

I want to sleep for two years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

269

They tell me I'm weak, but I am strong. They tell me I'm worthless, but I am loved by many. They tell me I am nothing, but someday I'll be everything to someone.

252

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

well fuck, there went my new year's resolution!

182

Sonntags bei 33 Grad aufstehen und erstmal auf N24 eine Doku über Zement gucken.

13

Always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight

12

Es gibt Verbrennungen dritten Grades und es gibt Salami Tiefkühlpizza am Gaumen.

22

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

275

page 365 of 365

129

We have each other and everything else is background noise.

191

Go Jesus! It's your Birthday!!

121

Let's get drunk
and tell each other how
we really feel •

248

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

201

actually, we are created to love each other.

simple.
and so hard to do too.

131

New Android Version

42

Sometimes, navigating through the world wide web can be like trying to play a first person shooter using chopsticks to control
the keyboard and mouse.

52

FRENCH PEOPLE ARE SO HARDCORE THEY EAT "PAIN" FOR BREAKFAST.

190

It's not that I'm tired.

It's just that I don't like standing on my feet with my eyes open.

173

Viele sagen Zürich sei eingebildet, dabei gibt
es die Stadt wirklich.

139

I just arrived at that point of the week where I want it to be friday or go back to bed..

155

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

217

Potatoes give us french fries and vodka.

It's your move, celery.

231

I heard you should question everything, but why?

176

your demons and
mine want to have dinner some time.

188

I like people the way I like my tea.

I hate tea.

236

Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you've lost.

284

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