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Posts Liked by wardaoife

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

125

Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can count on, are my fingers.

192

If you walk like a duck and you talk like a duck you're drunk. Ducks don't talk.

157

You don't need a cape to be a hero.

143

middle fingers up if you dont give a fuck

146

People come and go.
Realtionships end. Family does not mean loyalty.
At the end of it all you only have yourself.
Even your shadow leaves in the dark.

4

I'm honestly depressed. I've come to terms with the reality. I don't know why her leaving was such a major trigger. I'm sad about that but now everything from my past just seems too much to bare. For some reason she triggered me into a downfall. She'll never know. Even if I tell her she wouldn't care.

3

Depression is a byproduct of someone being strong for too long.
Someone who hides thier feelings.
We as humans need to learn that it is ok sometimes to be weak, it's okay to show emotion.
The only bad thing about being strong is that no one ever asks if you're ok.

6

Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don't get. Those who do are smiling right now.

197

Ask me how people can love each other from great distances, and I'll tell you how people can live, side by side, for years, with no love between them.

Unfortunately, this can apply to people hurting each other, too. Fortunately, it can apply to healing, also. Your choice.

49

If you are to become cold tomorrow

I will become colder to make you feel warmth again

if you are lost into the darkness

I will become darker
to show you the light again

37

Dont make me choose between you and food because I would miss you.

333

Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

202

i'm not saying i hate you but i would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

66

C'EST
LA
FUCKING
VIE

231

It's not a walk of shame if you leave with a moonwalk.

191

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

If I want you, never worry about who wants me.

2

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

316

namaste,
bitches

200

I fear the people who can bite ice cream.

243

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

213

If you look like your passport photo, the likelihood is that you need the holiday

146

waking up next to the man I love

- priceless

16

I hate being tickled. I don't think
it's cute or funny. I will knock you
out, by accident, on purpose.

15

person:
"you're ugly"

me:
"I don't need to know what your mom said when she kissed you goodnight."

24

Something is really, really wrong. We are required to have a license for a dog, but any asshole can have a child.

32

If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.

38

everyone needs a smart assed, sarcastic friend...

i'm so glad i could be of service to you.

27

I'm not old, I'm a recycled teenager

69

If you think you can make anything idiot proof, then you're the idiot.

153

Sometimes you have to destroy something to create something new.

229

You are a tornado
with pretty eyes and a heartbeat.

179

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

"tried" is only one step from "tired".

Hello, couch.

126

The remote control can't get up and put the DVD in..

..That's the main reason why I need a man.

19

oh honey, I'm not insulting you,
I'm just describing you

55

Does it bother anyone else that there are parts of your life you dont remember? You have done and said things that you dont even know about anymore. That means you dont even have the right perception of yourself because you dont even fully know who you are.

18

i could use a little bit of wine and a lot more of you.

45

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

~ Mark Twain

57

If dentists make money off people having unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a product that 9/10 of them recommend?

33

And then all of a sudden She changed.
She came back a completely different person
With a new mindset, a new outlook,
A new soul
The girl that once cared way too much About everyone and everything No longer cared at all

33

stupid autocorrect

you always end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.

57

lick
me
'till
ice cream

158

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

215

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

193

Find someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you
as if you are.

328

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

when the worlds zigs, zag.

105

I need a hug or 6 shots of vodka.

264

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

394

we had been trying to be adults for so long, and it wasn't until we were 18 and laying on the bathroom floor drunk that we realized that age is just a number and reality is learning that there is no such thing as being an adult, you only grow older, and if you're lucky,
a little wiser

219

I Was Born To Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

338

I had a great time last night...well thats what the police report says.

238

My
normal
has
never
been
anything
but
not
normal.

144

So Christians like to wear crosses and display crosses in their homes,
waiting for the second coming of Jesus.

If I'm Jesus, and I do come back, the LAST thing I'm going to want to see is a fucking cross.

7

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

398

Kiss me like your ex is watching

256

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

230

Only very fit and healthy people have midnight snacks
It takes a great deal of physical and mental effort to get out of bed at such late hours

180

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

134

And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you, and I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don't,

I almost do.

235

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

209

Reality slaps wishes in the face.

2

Quit playing. Let's just
show and tell...

83

Whoever created the five day work week was probably friends with the asshole that invented pants.

141

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints.

206

Lets lay in bed all day, and trade sexual favours, for trips to the fridge.

146

damn.

don't you hate it when you think you're out buying organic veggies and when you get home you realize they're just regular donuts?

makes me mad.

138

I have mixed drinks about feelings. ..

144

Get out of my head and fall into my arms instead.

215

Maybe she's not on her period... Maybe you are just an asshole....

256

Being heartless has become the new "in"

4

Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.

145

I don't approve of political jokes

I've seen too many of them get elected.

153

there's a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
a little curiosity behind every
"just wondering"
a little knowledge behind every
"i don't know"
and a little emotion behind every
"i don't care"

250

You know you are getting old when happy hour is a nap.

171

Worry is just meditating on bullshit

205

In life you will find that you have to make decisions that make sense to none but you.

182

There's an ancient birth control secret. It's called "keep your legs together.

132

When I'm older and my little girl asks me who my first love was, I don't want to pull out an old photo album.

I want to be able to point across the room and say:

He is sitting over there.

3

The world is so small when we want it to be big, but it's so big when we want it to be small.

5

Ooh yeah baby, ignore me harder. Ooh yeah right there, don't text back.

1

i dont mind being alone but i cant stand being lonely

2

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

288

Airports have seen more sincere kisses than weddings

Hospital walls have heard more honest praying than churches

1

c'est
la
vie

5

Staring at the ceiling in the dark...

4

I don't give a fuck.
I mean I do, but fuck it.

149

The first word I want to teach my kid is "brains".

Then, until he/she learns another word, I'll have the cutest little zombie ever.

184

When people tell me I'm insane, the voice in my head tells me I'm normal.

141

i sock at spelling

87

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

197

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

204

Would you like to sit next to you at dinner?

71

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

258

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

183

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

199

YOUNG, WILD AND RETARDED.

262

7 BILLION PEOPLE, 14 BILLION FACES.

254

I wear my weirdness on the outside.

58

I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.

61

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