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Posts Liked by tjd81

I suffer from that disorder where i speak the truth and it pisses people off.

57

My terrible
sense of
direction
is what took
me where
I needed to be.

48

Maturity
is knowing what shit to cut and what fuck to give.

66

even if im the devil, wouldnt be the first time you shook my hand....

85

Today is National Honesty Day.

I call "Bullshit," on that.

36

We always wonder
where the time goes.
We look back, and ten years have passed.
Except my ten years is standing next to me, and he's bright and funny
and beautiful, and I see where the time went.

41

Not everyone you lose is a loss..

Unless it's me, then you just fucked up.

59

You can choose your words.
But you cannot choose the
effect they can have on people.

38

I want to hold treasurous things. I want to always have a surprise inside of me. I always want to have someone who loves me. I want to be a fridge.

41

ok but consider this:

- who cares

61

Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

41

I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact with me...

245

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.

244

It's not that diabetes,
heart disease and obesity
runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your
family.

203

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

289

for halloween this year we should all just dress up as who we really are

nobody would recognize anyone

211

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

279

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

195

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

269

I had a great time last night...well thats what the police report says.

238

A fuck must be earned. I can't go down the street with a bucket of fucks, giving them out to everyone.
If I feel that you've earned it, I will give a fuck.

321

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

452

Potatoes give us french fries and vodka.

It's your move, celery.

231

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

333

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