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Posts Liked by Smylz

too many freaks, not enough circuses.

16

keep you're perception of me out of my buisness.

6

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

133

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

108

if you let an Instagram post ruin your day,
you were probably concieved from pre cum.

2

I will make better mistakes tomorrow.

11

an 8 year old was screaming and crying at the grocery store, because he wanted a snickers bar.

i bought it, and ate it right in front of him.

32

sometimes i don't go big so i can go home.

6

i hunt the evil you pretend doesn't exist.

12

care more about being precisely who you are, than what other people think of you.

9

here's to the nights that turned into mornings with a friend that turned into family.

39

i'm not saying i hate you but i would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

66

i'd rather snort cocaine off an escort's ass!

5

#AhhMeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMan!

1

The best kind of people are alcohol.

23

you have to PAY for a speeding ticket...

i thought it was a reward for beating other drivers.

9

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

KEEP SCROLLING!

17

i must have a amazing ass, everytime they walk off they say "what an ass"

17

everyone wants the truth but no one wants to be honest

1

say less and mean more

2

if you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow

5

to change and to improve are two different things

4

It's not Valentine's day until my wine starts to taste like tears.

32

What's the difference between a northern fairytale & a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

12

IF THE WHOLE WORLD WAS BLIND...

...HOW MANY PEOPLE WOULD YOU IMPRESS?

2

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

160

Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar.

It's a jungle out there.

52

Anyone notice the irony behind hyphenated & non-hyphenated?

30

the tougher the lesson, the bigger the blessing

3

there are so many internet scams these days...

send me $19.99 and i'll show you how to avoid them.

6

if you're feeling lazy today just know that over christmas break my mum told me to vacumn so i youtubed vacumn noises and laid down.

12

okay, i'm going to pretend i did'nt see the spittle flying out of your mouth i would tell you, but i know your already dead inside.

8

if someone asks for your advice just tell them to follow their heart. no idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore.

12

hell just called to confirm your reservation party of one in the smoking section

12

You are a work of art.
Not everyone will understand you,
but the ones who
do,
will never forget you.

55

when you're with your love, forever does'nt seem long enough.

17

i'd take Captain Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows were'nt on his hat

13

you fill me in ways that generally require batteries. ..

12

if i'm a sarcastic asshole it either means "i love you and feel comfortable teasing you" or it means "i hate you, and don't care that you know it". good luck figuring it out.

23

yeah, but you still love me...

13

Question everything.

2

Often at times we find ourselves in chains, and don't realise that we have the key.

3

You learn more
about a person
at the end of a
relationship
than at the
beginning •

11

FB (facebook)
+
I (instagram)
=
FBI (database)

11

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

15

God created man first, because every artist makes a rough draft, before the final masterpiece.

16

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that - he's gone.

12

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.

18

What do people do with all the extra time they save by texting "K" instead of "OK"?

9

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

7

I love it when people judge me, it's funny to see them think I care.

8

Silence
is golden but duct tape is silver

8

maybe I'm nobody, but nobody is perfect

20

I still have no idea why it's called a beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a fuckin' troll!

14

Next time someone texts me "call me" I'll call them and say "text me" then hang up.

40

The person on the top of the mountain did not fall there.

32

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

•Dalai Lama XIV

47

When a guy calls you hot he's looking at your body.
When a guy calls you pretty he's look at your face.
When a guy calls you beautiful he's looking at your heart.

All three guys still want to fuck you though.

68

Often at times we find ourselves in chains, and don't realise that we have the key.

40

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

40

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

185

GO FUCK YOURSELF

...and let me watch.

40

Blah
Blah
Blah

41

When I'm bored, I send a text to a random number saying

"I hid the body...now what?"

69

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.

34

It has been a long week... I need one of those hugs that turn into sex.

104

I'm one of the nicest assholes you could ever hope to meet.

57

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

81

No matter what kind of instant noodles you buy, they all taste like poverty and loneliness.

71

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream

edgar allan poe

7

we never really grow up,
we just learn how to act in public

32

You
are
what
you
love
not
who
loves
you

41

You know my name, not my story. You see my smile, not my pain. You notice my cuts, not my scars. You can read my lips, but not my mind.

7

If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.

7

You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.

9

There are some things money cant buy.....like manners, morals, and integrity.

9

Life is a comedy for those who think, but a tragedy for those who feel.

12

We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

17

It is a man's job to respect a woman. It is a woman's job to give him something to respect.

9

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

3

caffeine is bad for you, sugar is bad for you, alcohol is bad for you, but don't worry, cause that's bad for you too.

5

I don't dislike anynody. I just don't fuck with everybody.

4

Humble yourself or life will do it for you.

4

I am only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

4

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

5

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

3

I love making people who don't like me hate me more by just being me.

612

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

703

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

620

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting new results

3

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

707

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

236

THE MOMENT
YOU REALIZE YOUR PARENTS WERE RIGHT ALL THE TIME.

36

Everyone is hiding their naked body from us.

Our goal is to find someone & convince them stop.

39

People who leave the clicking noise on when texting, who hurt you?

50

The key to a successful relationship:
Settings >
Privacy >
Clear Browsing History

32

Shit happens,
step
over
it.

34

KARMA
IS ONLY
A BITCH
IF YOU ARE.

61

live
for
love

19

"WORD OF THE THE DAY"

"EXHAUSTIPATED"

Just Too Tired To Give A Shit !!

11

"coat generously with egg"

more like smother mother's carcass with embryonic fluid from unborn child.

9

i've been in 2 milliniums, 2 centuries, 3 decades. seen the first black president, the twin towers fall, bin laden killed, micheal jackson die. a royal wedding between a prince and a commoner, 9 planets became 8. i've seen storms like hurricane katrina, tsunami in east asia, earthquake in haiti, survived Y2k and the mayan apocolypse i'm not even 30.

18

weed is legal in 2 states. having sex with a horse is legal in 23 states.

GREAT JOB AMERICA!

5

forget whats behind you, look forward to what lies ahead

5

It feels so good when someone cares about you as hard as you care about them

12

why is the wedding band on the fourth finger of the left hand?

because the vein in that finger, referred to as vena amoris, is the only vein that is directly connected to the heart.

14

you are my sunshine, basically you make me hot.

12

spank me once, shame on you. spank me twice, now we're getting somewhere.

15

cop: sir, do you know why i pulled you over.

me: hold on. Siri do you know why this officer pulled me over.

Siri: i can't get into that with you right now.

12

I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON VALENTINE DAY...

I SWITCHED TO SINGLE...

13

if we meet online and you don't look like your picture, your buying me drinks until you do.

16

i don't run, and if you should ever see me run you should probably run too. something is chasing me.

16

that awkward moment when you want to tell someone their zipper is down, but don't know how to explain why you we're looking down there.

10

an iphone user dating an android user is a modern day interracial relationship

10

a simple hello could lead to a million things

12

shoutout to this atm fee for making me buy my own money.

12

love cannot be defined. You can understand this only when you are lucky enough to embrace its different forms.

5

very rarely you will meet people who will inspire you to be beyond your beliefs.
NEVER LET THEM GO!

4

stay positive

Be glad for what you got

It is a long journey

No rush

6

a keyring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once

16

it's kinda cute how we all celebrate the earth finishing another lap around the sun.

20

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID...

I WAS HUNGRY.

30

can't dance? spell your name in the air with your bum.

boom. next problem?

78

we are all
slaves to
things we
choose
freely.

55

Don't be anybody's choice. Ever. The moment they have to choose between you and another you can make the decision for them.

20

don't take things for granted, take them with gratitude.

8

honesty is a very expensive gift. do not expect it from cheap people.

8

make your life a story worth telling

23

THE MOST DANGEROUS THING TO WANT IS

MORE.

55

less walls &
more bridges

70

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

255

The pain you hold is the love you carry.

22

ENJOY
YOUR
LI E
F

64

i got so drunk last night i walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

87

Start where you are.

Use what you have.

Do what you can.

54

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will stick back together.

76

it's not my fault that my phone is more interesting than you.

75

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

275

Let's be nothing, I heard it lasts forever.

310

Keep trying to raise the bar.
Even when they try to use it, to beat the shit out of you.

161

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

369

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

194

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

They tell me I'm weak, but I am strong. They tell me I'm worthless, but I am loved by many. They tell me I am nothing, but someday I'll be everything to someone.

252

Some talk to you in their free time
&
some free time to talk to you

270

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

187

when it comes to human behavior, trust me, i have all the answers!!!

4

when it comes to human behavior, trust me, i have all the answers!!!

1

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