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Posts Liked by shakeading

Wenn jemand zu mir sagt, dass ich kindisch bin, erzähle ich das immer erstmal meiner Mama.

23

a vodka please!

but sir,
this is McDonalds!

ok....
a McVodka please,
and supersize it!

41

Ich habe weder die Zeit noch die Buntstifte, Dir das jetzt zu erklären.

44

Don't judge a person for drinking and swearing, judge the quiet sober ones.
Those fuckers are up to something.

113

Don't play tricks on me,
'cause I will treat you right.

12

I can't turn water into wine,
but I can turn pizza into breakfast

143

Interessanterweise haben ja Leute mit total wenig Ahnung immer sehr viel Meinung.

74

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

170

DON'T BE A TOURIST

BE A
TRAVELER

29

Manchmal denk ich wirklich, ich bin ein Stuhl und muss mit jedem Arsch klarkommen.

41

Let's Fuck.

13

If someone hates you for no reason,
give that motherfucker
a reason.

71

If someone hates you for no reason,
give that motherfucker
a reason.

24

my back is not a voicemail say it to my face

232

we can
still be friends

76

Remember the days we didn't walk around with 5000 photos in our pockets?

162

the dog ate my homework. yes, I have a dog I guess.. oh. did I say dog? yeah.. I mean the parakeet. yes, the parakeet ate my homework.

4

Call me old fashion, but I think your shorts should be longer than your vagina.

9

A shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.

4

In 1492 Christopher Columbus discovered my butt.

54

I'm not
afraid of heights.
I just don't like
clouds.

133

Die Enttäuschung wenn jemand Pizza mitbringt. Pizza Hawaii.

22

They say happiness is a state of mind. Move to another state.

I won't mind.

6

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

Me: Not looking at the price tag when I'm shopping.

51

"Everyone is genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole live believing that it is stupid."

38

FICKEN sagt man nicht.

10

I Was Born To Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

122

Mirror mirror on the wall, which selfie is the best of all?

43

In the middle of the night, I was awoken up by the monster under my bed, who complained that I snored too loud.

6

GREAT MINDS
FUCK
EACH OTHER

2

Ich habe keine Spinnweben in der Wohnung!

Das sind Öko-Traumfänger...

133

LISTEN TO SILENCE

417

Ich hatte mal bei den Weight Watchers angerufen
-
da hat aber niemand abgenommen.

80

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

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