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Posts Liked by shagmillitial

Even old dogs can learn new tricks.

40

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the colour 9.

66

If you've had sex with less than 12 people, people that have had sex with you belong to a more exclusive club than those who have walked on the moon.

54

got fired from fashion police for saying everyone looks nice

54

I want to make you unlonely

69

This place is fucked. All of you people are sick. I love it.

See you tomorrow.

1

if a turtle loses its shell....

is it naked, or homeless?

76

I'M NOT PREGNANT!
BUT I'M STILL EATING FOR TWO, ME AND
MY INNER BITCH,
SHE LOVES TACOS.

80

honk if you're sick of your own bullshit

42

Remember
when people argued that a woman couldn't be President because of unpredictable mood swings...

69

Add love, subtract hate, divide the happiness among people and multiply it by infinity.

50

Sometimes I amaze myself,

Other times I can't
remember what day it is.

25

You strike me as one of those people who hands out fruit on Halloween.

43

The 'L' in my luck has been replaced with an 'F'

31

You are a magical clump of atoms on a tiny rock spinning around a star.

130

great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, poor minds discuss people. -Eleanor Roosevelt

9

* Hey Dad... remember when I was little & killed a butterfly and you said "No butter for a week" ?

* And then I killed a honeybee and you said " No honey for a week" ?

* Mom killed a cockroach last week, should I go break the news to her ?

25

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

Just because you're trash doesn't mean you can't do great things.

It's called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

4

The presumed dead dicktator Adolf Hitler mysteriusly showed up at the white house to have tea with president Obama

2

Me without you?
It's like a sneaker without laces, a geek without braces,

asentencewithoutspaces

2

I hope there is a day when "CANCER" will be just the Zodiac sign!

17

what if the light we see at the end of the tunnel is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

6

everything will be OK in the end.

if it's not OK, it's not the end.

5

princess hold your head up high.

if you don't, the crown falls.

13

i just want someone to look at me, the way i look at pizza...

16

i'm not waiting for a
PRINCE
i'm waiting for someone who thinks i'm their
PRINCESS

21

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

195

i hate golf.
i hate golf.
i hate golf.
I HIT THE BALL!
i love golf.

8

If women ruled the world there would be no wars, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

6

I hate it when people take my glasses and say: "woah, you can't see!"

I mean I don't take peoples wheelchairs and say: "woah, you can't walk!"

13

Be yourself. The world worships idiots.

16

They said, "Live like Jesus."
So I went out and got nailed.

18

quote by a real man... (me)
"religion? fuck that shit if i am going to worship somting i worship my girl!"

2

Try looking at all the bold themes and put them togeter to a story...

It fits perfectly!

Or is my imaginasion to incredible?

1

even ikea's meatballs come's with...

umbrakos...

but i still don't understand the instructions!!!

2

everytime i get into relationship i regret i am like:

"wher is the EXit? becouse i am going to EXit this shit!"

1

sometimes life feels like a bike ride strait to hell...

but during those times i just buy a BMX and ride up the mountain road's to the havens!

2

sometimes i forget how to forget.

1

life enjoy fucking you over...

NO SHIT!

1

if you punch yourself and it hurts, are you weak or strong?

3

when life is hell

your friends, become guardian angels

1

life was good...

until i was 5...

when i was 5, i had to go to hell 5 times a week! fuck you mom!

1

A Blind Man walks into a
bar.
And a table.
And a chair.

10

Looking for _____?
You get what you give.

2

Kiss me like your ex is watching

256

You're You are
Your It belongs to you
They're They are
Their It belongs to them
There A place
We're We are
Were Past tense of are
Where A place
Then A point in time
Than A method of comparison
Two The number 2
To Indicates motion
Too Also or excessively

IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD, IS IT?

2

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

112

I'm still missing my ex, but my aim is improving...

3

When the most annoying person complains about someone being annoying.

2

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

417

Sometimes we choose to make people special in our lives, but they
choose to be assholes. Understand, it's much more a reflection on their bad choices, than yours. Don't let it turn your heart.

3

People wait
all week for Friday,
all year for summer,
all life for happiness.

3

I wanna keep it how it was, so u can't say "how it used to be"

1

LOOK YEA, BUT DONT TOUCH.

2

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

286

Tequila + me = lucky you!

35

no i m not bored!

i m a plank!!!

ps:sorry fo bad gramma

1

"A Man In The House Is Worth Two In The Streets"

2

U can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public......
(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)*(*)

1

Fuck looking back, when there's so much to look forward too...

2

Practice
makes
perfect but
nobody's
perfect, so why practice? =============

1

When all else fails, roll it, smoke it n go with the flow.×.×.×.×.×.

2

No matter how little the lie is, is u tell it enough, it some how becomes the truth....

[ v. vv v. BEWARE OF] [THE LIAR!!!]

1

Ask No Questions n You'll Be Told No Lies
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

1

The worst thing to do would be to die while reading Life magazine, ya think?
:-D ;-) :-) :-D ;-) :-)

1

if the were no bad people, we would have no good lawyers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1

Everything is funny when it's happening to someone else

1

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing, I know, I've done it a thousand times.....

1

I'm still learning, teach me!!

3

Teachers touch lives forever.

%÷×%÷×%

1

A Cat With Gloves Catches No Mice

1

christmas is so close, i can already smell the mistletoe i'm not going to be kissed under...

3

Every story has an end, but in life, every ending is a new beginning.

6

"Thats not Bacon u hear, its just me sizzling"

2

Often at times we find ourselves in chains, and don't realise that we have the key.

1

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

534

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

3

talking bad about another person doesn't make you a better person

4

don't make sense bcuz
I make
$ dollars $

2

Come see about me....

1

A pretty face doesn't always mean a pretty heart!

5

We are best friends, so if u fall, I will be there to pick u up....
.....After I Finish Laughing of course.

6

I believe in music like some believe in Fairytales.

6

The bible...

Is a werry good book of fiction!

1

NODOBODY'S PERFECT

but i'm pretty close...

6

Real men don't love the most beautiful girl in the world, they love the girl who can make their world the most beautiful.

22

Throwing fertilizer at people that need to grow up.

3

I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD

(unfortunately
it's Buddha)

8

I'M IN SHAPE

round is a shape.

2

SOME
PEOPLE
JUST
NEED
A HIGH-FIVE

in the face.
with a chair.

3

giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
i've done it a thousand times,

2

INTERNET

please let me sleep.

i like sleep.

1

8 great qualities in a man:
•Brave
•Intelligent
•Gentle
•Polite
•Energetic
•Nutty
•Industrious
•Sensitive

and if all of this fails, just read capital letters.

8

Tequila + me = lucky you!

276

if you punch yourself and it hurts, are you weak or strong?

155

there is no difference between a main bitch and a side bitch, they both getting dick and lies.

1

im going to love you like its the last day on earth .

5

LONG LIVE SPARTA

3

don't judge me cause i'm quiet - no one plans a murder out loud

5

Real men wants women with curves.

Only dogs hunts bones.

10

Ok, birds are free. But they don't live long?? Unless it's a parrot. Parrots can talk as much as your female companion, but they don 't live here naturally. Further commentary not needed?

2

Two wrongs don't make
a right,

but three lefts do.

2

4% atoms
96% force

7

:I think of the absolute worst. So when it happens. I won't be so surprised.

3

happy birthday to a very awesome dj

10

Say fuck you and smile..

1

Chuck Norris can write in "Times new Roman" on Boldomatic

7

It's was fake to you but it's was real for me!

1

iThink
therefore iMac

1

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

9

karma is only a bitch if you are.

6

i am the widower of a living woman.

2

Suffering begins when you mentally name or label a situation in some way as undesirable or bad. You resent a situation and that resentment personalizes it and brings in a reactive "me".

2

some people cut themselves and blame the knife

5

Looks like a good day to...
I can't complete the sentence either.

8

Meet
The
CM

1

DON'T JUDGE SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE THEY SIN DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU.

6

pídele al tiempo que vuelva = jopu... devuelveme mi reloj ¡ladrón!

1

I'm sexy and i know it

3

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from!

1

Everybody told me love was blind. Then I saw your face and you blew my mind.

3

i wonder if i uses them new weight loss wraps on my boobs will they get smaller

1

The birds fly there way when winter comes, just like I know that you will when you're done here •

1

A lot of people like snow. I find it an unnecessary freezing of water.

3

TRUST
a few.
FEAR
the rest.
For your allies may even become your greatest foes.

2

it kills me inside when you message me "hii" & then fail to respond when i txt back

1

don't leave me now. don't say goodbye, don't turn around.

2

people wanna see you doing well, but not better than them.

3

nothing better than a pussy pounding;)

1

They told me to care...

But that's not right my style...

3

THIS IS SO FUN.

2

"Vegetarian"
is an old indian word for bad hunter

1

so tired

restless leg syndrome

bad times

5

To golf or not to golf?

What a silly question!

1

Life is shit...

when you Act like shit!

1

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

when life is hell

your friends, become guardian angels

3

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

until 0% battery do us part

337

Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
Believe.

318

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

462

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

788

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

617

Wear me like you mean it.

205

we live for nights nobody can remember with people we'll never forget

356

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

583

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

703

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive and you'll take their breath away.

629

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

531

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

582

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

326

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

928

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

lovers

that word really bums me out

..unless its between cheese and pizza

244

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

797

And maybe at night when we're all a little too tired and a little too truthful, that's when we see ourselves for who we really are.

564

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

590

My immaturity keeps me young.

470

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

1035

Ego is a race.
And in this race, the winner is the loser.

453

go directly to hell.

do not pass GO.
do not collect $200.

280

Darth Vader died for your sins.

177

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

564

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