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Posts Liked by schmitzekatze

wäre alles nur so einfach wie fett werden.

46

Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

147

I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact with me...

245

größer als
meine bescheidenheit ist eigentlich
nur mein penis.

38

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

394

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

224

I'M ON THAT NEW DIET WHERE YOU EAT EVERYTHING AND HOPE FOR A BIG MIRACLE.

244

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

226

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