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Posts Liked by schildischott

I plan my days carefully:

Wake Up
Plan stuff
Do other stuff
Go to bed

46

Oh what a lovely day. Everything's still stupid and we're
all dying.

68

I haven't lost my mind... half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it...

132

Sleep is no appropriate substitute for coffee.

68

Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play 'hide and seek'

140

MEETINGS

Keiner von uns ist so dumm wie wir alle zusammen.

6

I ate my other plans.

18

I've got 7% of a plan and it's gonna be awesome! Who's with me?

19

We're all lunatics here..

30

If you see someone who needs a hug, give it to them if you know them. But be careful with strangers, you could end up at the police station...

4

Wer sind sie und was wollen sie hier in der Notaufnahme?

Ich bin Bestatter und kontrolliere die Qualität unserer Zulieferer.

10

soon as you realize love is in the air, somebody farts.

203

Fireflies, tiny fairies, solstitial bandits, steal pieces of the sun to paint the night for romantic interludes

94

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

195

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

196

just wanted to update everyone on the fact that absolutely nothing new is happening in my life

203

the only thing you should take personally
is your personality

166

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

134

I'm sick about all the Irish stereotypes!
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.

218

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

367

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

269

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

247

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