Posts Liked by RL71

THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU REALIZE....

YOU'RE BOTH
FUCKING LEGENDS.

I'm not good at push ups, pull ups, or sit ups.

I'm pretty good at fuck ups tho.

The sexual position formally known as 69 is now called 96.
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.

Brains are the new tits.

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

A penny
for your thoughts,
5 bucks if they are dirty.

Whatever,
I have boobs.

Yesterday I lost a good friend to a tragic accident. They got their finger caught in a wedding ring.

stats show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. looks like i'm in store for a wild December !

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

SOME PEOPLE
SAY SORRY
IN THE TONE OF WHATEVER

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

Is "Fuck you" an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

i got so drunk last night i walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive:

"Hi".

getting no message is also a message...

14.000 people are having sex right now; 25.000 people are kissing; 50.000 people are hugging.
And you... well you're reading this.

Trust me, I'm not happy about it either.

$_==/ i i \==_ /XX/ |\___/| \XX\ /XXXX\ |XXXXX| /XXXX\ |XXXXXX\_ _XXXXXXX_ _/XXXXXX| XXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^ ^ " \XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^^ \XXXXXX |XXX| \XXX/ ^ ^ \XXXXX/ ^ ^ \XXX/ |XXX| \XX\ \X/ \XXX/ \X/ /XX/ "\ " \X/ " /"$

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers.

$I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them$

Sometimes I use big words I don't always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Pain
is just
a French
word for bread.

i sock at spelling

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

The only Pill that would make me Happy is the one that brings you back to life.

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

People complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.

beautiful things don't ask for attention

thank god
i'm an atheist!

Don't judge yourself by your past.
You don't live there anymore

It is not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubt, while the stupid people are full of confidence.

-Charles Bukowski

Doubt kills more ideas than failure ever will.

In bed:
open your eyes it's 6 am close it for five minutes and it's 7:45.

At work:
It's 1:30 close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 1:31.

Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?!"

Me: "Gravity, mom."

how many people are working in your company?

approximately 50%!

If "Plan A" didn't work, stay cool. The Alphabet has 25 more letters.

My damn iPhone is broken.

I pressed the home button and I'm still at work...

my ex has one very annoying habit.

breathing.

my ex has one very annoying habit.

breathing.

,,If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second,,

~Johnny Depp

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

I've got nothing against God. It's his fan club that I can't stand.