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Posts Liked by onigs

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

255

It's Boldomatic's 2-Year Anniversary!

148

I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you're good with grammar, you'll get it.

9

Boldmatic makes me like people I never met... Facebook makes me dislike people I know in real life.

62

MAKE
HAY
NOT
WAR

74

I don't need much but many beers.

91

Excuse me, here's your nose.

I found it in my business.

16

STOP EDITING YOUR PICTURES SO MUCH.

WHAT IF YOU GO MISSING ONE TIME?

15

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

230

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

144

10000
Boldpoints!!!

Thanks
Bold-Community

19

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit

10

single bells

10

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

80

You have a fingerprint that no one else has...

thus,

you can leave a mark that no one else can.

8

Women need a reason to have sex.

Men just need a place.

9

I think
therefore
I am
dangerous

14

No money left to burn.

14

I'm so in debt, I could start a government

14

I dont know whats worse...
When my girlfriend textes me "It's over" or when she, two seconds later, textes me "Sorry wrong number"...

10

Men are like a fine wine.

They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with

13

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

11

Stop complaining about being single
We have bigger problems here
Like why Mc Donald doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30

16

When I was a boy, my mom would send me to a corner shop with 1$ and I'd bring back 2 leaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, butter, cheese and some marmelade. You can't do that now... Too many fuckin' security cameras.

89

People will believe anything if you whisper it

6

This isn't an office It's hell with fluorescent lighting

4

WARNING

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing

9

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen

9

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

11

'When you cough, you put your hand on your mouth!'

I tried but I cough anyway

7

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

10

BACTERIA
THE
ONLY
CULTURE
SOME
PEOPLE
HAVE

9

Making love extends life.

Come here and make me immortal

13

this shirt should be white

'n' wet!

8

seduce
my mind
and you
can have
my body.

9

Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.

~Marva Collins

5

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

~Erma Bombeck

8

The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi

4

Everyone dies. Not everyone really lives.

~William Wallace, Braveheart

7

Judge a tree from its fruit not from the leaves.

~Euripides

11

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman

9

LOVE DOESN'T DIE BECAUSE OF DISTANCE

IT DIES BECAUSE OF DOUBT

10

Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates.

34

9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook... When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.

13

No matter how serious life gets, you'll allways need the company of people you can be stupid with.

33

the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubt, while the stupid people are full of confidence.

-Charles Bukowski

14

A guy with a gun enters a bar.

"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.

A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets mate!"

23

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

19

Sex can lead
to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.

21

What is the different types of hasch out there? We all know that it's called the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the black, the herb, the sensie, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa, the bad, the buddha, the home grown, the ill, the maui-maui, the method, pot, lethal turbo, tie, shake, skunk, stress, whacky, weed, glaze, the boot, dimebag, Scooby Doo, bob, bogey, back yard boogie. But what is the other terms for it?

11

what's the difference between a homeless guy and a hipster?

-the iPhone

99

Men have two emotions:
hungry and horny.

18

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

27

you're friday on monday

79

Wie oft muss man verpennen, um als Penner zu gelten?

15

Das tragische am ganzen ist, die Menschen haben den Hang zum Leiden.

13

Auf welchem deiner Windows läuft Mac?

8

Fake people have an image to maintain.

Real people just don't give a shit!

18

Schreiten wir zum äussersten und fragen den Client.

9

Das sind gar keine glücklichen Pärchen im Park.

Die irren da bloss umher, weil heute der Ikea zu hat.

25

Unicorns are horses, with strap on dildos on their head.

17

So, wer von euch hat den auch schon mal die Stufen einer Rolltreppe gezählt und auf wieviel seit ihr gekommen ?

18

"Essen ist fertig Schatz."

"Naja, Dreck reinigt ja
bekanntlich den Magen."

"Was hast Du gesagt
Schatz ?"

"Schickes Gedeck und mir
knurrt der Magen."

28

Typisch, da ist man mal zwei, drei Jahre schlecht drauf, und schon ist man der mit der schlechten Laune.

26

Video games ruined my life.

At least I have 2 left!

9

9

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?

17

"Der feine Herr redet
ja nicht mehr mit mir"

ist auch nicht unbedingt das, was man bei einem Selbstgespräch hören möchte.

19

Wenn du von deinen High Heels runnter kommst. Bist du auch nur noch 1 Meter 50.

12

früher, als das trekking-adventure noch wanderferien waren.

9

Think of love like a card game. First, get rid of the jokers, throw away the hearts, keep the diamonds, then try to get a king.

16

I ain't afraid to love a man. I ain't afraid to shoot him either.

12

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

20

• LOVE •
a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

11

Von meinem Kater habe ich etwas wichtiges gelernt:

Wenn du frustriert bist, lass dich einfach auf die Seite fallen, bleib liegen und guck süss.

23

Shortest horror story:

MONDAY

3

Dress like you're going to meet your worst enemy today.

2

Your mood should not dictate your manners.

4

I need a hug. Well, actually I need your hug.

2

Befinde mich in einem wichtigen Blabla.

11

Cover up, your ass. Because it's getting my attention.

7

Think inside a box. And then get this whole box explode.

17

Standard Sunday .

Sun, Wine and Steak...

Perfect !!!

6

Excuse me, there seems to be a face on your makeup

38

If school sucked any harder than it does now, I'd orgasm.

34

Ich hätte euch unter den Tisch getrunken. Wäre die Tischplatte nicht im weg gewesen.

12

Viel Spass und trink nicht soviel.

Ja, was denn jetzt ?

26

YOU CAN'T PHOTOSHOP YOUR UGLY PERSONALITY

20

The real problem with reality is the lack of background music

17

IF YOU WERE A DINOSAUR
YOU WOULD BE A BITCH-A-WHOREOUS

17

I BARELY SURVIVED YESTERDAY AND IT'S ALREADY TODAY •••

15

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday

36

Versteckt euch nicht, hinter eurer Firewall. Es ist Krieg.

11

Übersensibel ist man, wenn man nicht vom Gesang der Vögel aufwacht, sondern vom Rascheln ihrer Notenblätter.

24

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,..

like bolding, watching TV, and having a beer.

18

HUNGER
Braten in
die Röhre geschoben.

12

Wann ist ein Mann einen Euro Wert?
Wenn die Eierpreise
auf 50 Cent steigen!

15

SMILE TODAY

11

Kim Jong-Un like to relax by playing his favorite game.

Kim Jong Uno

2

Kopf hoch,
Brust raus,

lächeln
Und los...

16

Faceagrophobie

Die Angst for Facebook und ihren Gesichtern.

11

Before exams, I suddenly become extremely religious.

27

Let's go for a rum!

230

Home is where your heart is

16

you change your life by changing your heart

12

sweet as heaven, hot as hell, born to tease, taught to please

11

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

18

während meine mutter auf mein whatsapp antwortet, mach ich mir mal ein tee.. rasiere mir die beine, lese ein buch.. streiche die wohnung.. ah jetzt.

27

My daddy is stronger than yours.

22

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change

10

It's simple,
if it jiggles,
it's fat.

13

How is a poor man a lot like a rich man?

They both have an iPhone

13

Schwarz-
wald

5

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

27

try not to expect anything - try being a goldfish.

12

man liebt, man leidet -

oder man lenkt sich ab.

15

Ein Verhältnis mit seinem Drogendealer erspart viel Geld. Wo finde ich jetzt eine Barista?

11

Fleiß kann man vortäuschen, faul muss man sein !!

18

soll ich nun mit meinem Query Designer auf einen InfoCube oder einen MultiProvider zurückgreifen...
NERD

8

In three words I can sum up everything
I’ve learned about life:

IT GOES ON

16

Im Schwimmbad hing ein Zettel, "Ring verloren ! Ohne wert. Finderlohn 20 Fr.".

Hab einen Zettel dazu gehängt. "Netter Versuch Gollum !"

32

Ituedifollowä

16

Wenn du nicht zu rennen beginnst macht eine Hetzjagd keinen Sinn.

L0S RENN!
Cola fröschli

10

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

327

selfish is:

not wanting somebody anymore

- but not being ok with her being wanted by another one.

14

It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard.

16

don’t drink and drive… you might ruin your leather seats by spilling the Gin Tonic

11

Erfreut sich ein Gärtner an Herzrasen?

19

"Wer morgens zerknittert aufsteht, hat mehr Potential sich zu entfalten!"

14

!!!!!!! Yeah !!!!!!!

Ich habe Google Earth durchgespielt

19

Mit voller Blase noch schnell in die Migros Brot holen und nicht wissen, ob man einen Rentner mit Kleingeld an der Kasse erwischt.

Leben am Limit.

33

Tom Cruise should find his own oblivion. And stay there forever.

9

I wish
people
looked
like their personalities.

19

Wenn dein Herz bei minus 28 Grad gefroren ist. wie kannst du dann über Kälte klagen?

11

Also die Sheldon-klopft-bei-Penny-an-die-Tür-Methode klappt auch im Wartezimmer beim Arzt recht gut.

8

We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

8

Chase nothing but drinks and dreams.

28

Numerous additions to the list of suggested writers.

ENJOY THEM ALL

201

If fantasy was realistic -
reality would be fantastic.

408

Everyone's curious

But no one really cares.

389

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

428

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

18

alcohol is really just the liquid version of photoshop.

8

I'll have a café mocha vodka valium latte to go please.

240

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

241

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

532

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time

285

I don't give money to bums because they just use it on booze and drugs anyway!

Then again, that's what I will use it on.

11

Get the kind of Friday you deserve.

269

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

307

Manchmal, wenn mir langweilig ist, lese ich eine Buchstabensuppe ..

30

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