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Posts Liked by niki

stupid people are like SLINKIES
basically useless, but still its funny watching them fall down the stairs.

1

a foolish man tells a woman to stop talking.

a wise man tells her that her mouth looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

6

My parents accused me of being a liar. I looked them in the face and yelled: "Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny" and walked away like a boss.

8

"i'm a ninja"

"no, you're not"

"did you see me do that?"

"do what?"

"exactly"

42

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

123

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

170

the brain is the most important human organ, it works 24/7/365.
from the beginning of your life till the moment you fall in love...

157

The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world.

I'm sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.

73

when I see you I feel scared to touch you, when I touch you I feel scared to kiss you,
when I kiss you I feel scared to hug you,
when I hug you I feel scared to love you,
when I love you I feel scared to lose you ....

121

a relationship without trust is like a phone without service

what do you do with a phone without service? you play games

138

Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously dont know what to do with them in the bedroom.

100

if you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else.

125

assumption is the mother of every fuck up

68

The most difficult part about walking away from someone is realizing that they don't care enough to attempt to stop you.

162

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

144

life should be more like hockey. when someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

97

I don't give a fuck.
I mean I do, but fuck it.

149

It is not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

121

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel we see is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

163

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

212

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

She said "tell me something super dirty", I said "Your kitchen bitch!"

129

only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, you realize there's a way to solve problems without using violence.

185

"How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you."

256

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

377

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

531

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

470

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