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Posts Liked by Misango

My sarcasm & my sincerity sound surprisingly similar.

43

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

156

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

249

I can look dead in your face while you're talking, & don't believe a single damn word you said.

26

STARBUCKS NEEDS A SEPARATE LINE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

146

I'm not
afraid of heights.
I just don't like
clouds.

133

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

212

If we all pretend tomorrow is Sunday we might just get away with it.

172

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

your age is the number of times you went around the sun...

232

discovering all the beautiful places surrounding us
by sunlight

86

My body is a temple...

Unfortunately,
I have no respect for religion.

142

In which language would you prefer I tell you how much I do not give a shit?

I have my translator app open, fire away.

182

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

218

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

205

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Idiot, we're at a funeral!

All in one Word?

218

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

196

some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place.

some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.

93

Exercise
Exercis
Exerci
Exerc
Exer
Exe
Ex
Extra fries.

219

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

148

My mind was blown when I realized
OK
is a sideways person.

24

They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken.

23

Your password must contain at least one lie society told you & one dream you gave up for the financial means to survive.

27

I'm glad you're learning to laugh at yourself.

That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.

37

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

218

1) Don't ever change.

2) You have to change.

3) You've changed

31

i hate it when people try to make small talk on the lift, "nice weather", "how are you today", "where's your pants"

124

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

257

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

212

Bringing McDonalds into public transportation is like taking a shit at the Opera.

79

People who remind me of myself are the worst

167

You two are the most fucked up people I've ever met and I deal with fucked up people for a living.

103

The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle next to the $30 diapers & $20 formula cans.

20

I work well with others when they leave me alone.

51

It's like you wanna be left alone but still want people to notice your absence.

I know.

65

Not every "sorry" deserves an "it's okay"
in return.

61

whats_up.doc

15

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.

95

Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."

21

Don't be afraid of the dark. just afraid of what's in it.

10

I don't stay in the darkness so that people cant find me, but to see who's brave enough to look for me.

22

Hey sorry I'm late I didn't want to come.

32

As you get closer & closer to the end of this post, I think it's very important that you lower your expectations.

27

It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

43

It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this.

52

You shouldn't be sad because sad spelled backwards
is das &
das not good.

33

Oh holy shit, what the hell is this! -

People who request songs on the radio discovering the internet for the first time.

14

Because
of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.

56

You know what's funny?
Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up.

17

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

46

Everyone has a soft side.

I spend too much time sitting on mine.

20

If a woman tells you that you're right, that's called sarcasm.

45

Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.

71

Heck is where you go if you don't believe in Gosh.

21

There is a company called Kia & a company called Nokia.
I'm not sure who to believe.

77

If I were to ever become a cross dresser, I'd name myself Amanda.

Because I'm a man, duh.

28

Do the world a favor: seek medical attention to have whatever has burrowed up your ass safely removed.

Also, recycle.

30

Everyone is hiding their naked body from us.

Our goal is to find someone & convince them stop.

39

If you've Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you're okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?

30

Don't trust people who avoid the sun.
They're shady.

45

Only kids count sheep to fall asleep. Count your debts, your mistakes, your heartache & cry yourself to sleep like a grownup.

47

People who leave the clicking noise on when texting, who hurt you?

50

The key to a successful relationship:
Settings >
Privacy >
Clear Browsing History

32

Shit happens,
step
over
it.

34

Before criticizing my post, remember that I like you.

26

Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", & now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.

20

Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar.

It's a jungle out there.

52

Law of the Jungle:
He who hesitates is lunch.

38

Anyone notice the irony behind hyphenated & non-hyphenated?

30

Lets stack these 47 pillows on the bed every morning, throw them on the floor every night & repeat that everyday for no reason. ~ Women

23

What's the difference between a northern fairytale & a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

77

Do Me: a favour.

17

Relationships are like bathrooms. I'm in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I'm playing on my phone the whole time.

63

I love the feedback you get when you add disturbing posts...

e.g: "I'm Dying!"
(5min later) 12 people like this..

24

My relationship is like my pet turtle, I don't have a pet turtle.

66

When you get to a certain age you're sneaking a glance at her ring finger,
not her boobs.

39

Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.

52

A piece of my heart breaks whenever your eyes skip over me.

By the time you leave, my heart'll be nothing more than broken shards.

138

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

292

you say you want me to be happy but yet you take away the only thing making me happy. funny how that works isn't it?

1

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

224

Lust is saturday night; Love is sunday morning.

180

I'M ON THAT NEW DIET WHERE YOU EAT EVERYTHING AND HOPE FOR A BIG MIRACLE.

244

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

226

If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.

177

It's Thursday, or as I like to call it:

Day 4 of the hostage situation.

181

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

F abricated
A necdote
I nspiring
R elentless
Y earning
T o
A cquire
L asting
E nchantment

20

Tonight

I will look up
at the moon
and I will know that

s o m e w h e r e

You are looking at it too

49

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

126

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

187

we only have a limited amount of time. use it wisely.

3

I would not want to be involved in a fight with a person who bleeds every month and still lives.

225

Can february march?

No. But april may

310

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

244

quit your job
travel the world
die happy

173

goodnight, you said;
goodbye, i said.
and you never
thought twice
about
it.

149

if you were a president,
you would be babe-raham lincoln.

88

Half of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings.

232

Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.....apparently "in HD" was not the right answer...

345

I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact with me...

245

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

393

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