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Posts Liked by milchkaffee

You know you're getting old when your year of birth is no longer immediately visible in drop-down menus and you have to start scrolling down.

164

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

251

He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him and I'll ask him again when he wakes up. ..

157

It's not a walk of shame if you leave with a moonwalk.

191

"Für wie doof hältst du mich eigentlich?"

"Warte kurz, ich muss nur noch kurz mein Einhorn füttern."

"OK, ich warte. "

74

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

Ich habe keine Spinnweben in der Wohnung!

Das sind Öko-Traumfänger...

133

Ich hatte mal bei den Weight Watchers angerufen
-
da hat aber niemand abgenommen.

80

Ist Ben Stiller als Til Schweiger?

20

it's like boys are the Oscars and i'm Leonardo DiCaprio

6

Exercise
Exercis
Exerci
Exerc
Exer
Exe
Ex
Extra fries.

72

use promo code "NETFLIX" to get 50% off your grades

26

I have a unique art style

I call it 'I tried'

33

"What are you, twelve?"

Yeah, on a scale of one to ten.

107

ich mag leute nicht, die ihren eigenen post liken.

22

I'M ON THAT NEW DIET WHERE YOU EAT EVERYTHING AND HOPE FOR A BIG MIRACLE.

244

Manche hüpfen morgens aus dem Bett wie Toast aus dem Toaster. Ich bin mehr so das Brötchen, das mit der Butterseite nach unten fällt. Und liegen bleibt...

65

the only valentine's day cards
I'll accept are credit cards

159

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

257

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

212

Es heisst ja "Guten Morgen", weil "Halt die Fresse und geh sterben" gesellschaftlich nicht so akzeptiert ist.

69

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