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Posts Liked by meekmoney

life should be more like hockey. when someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

1

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

2

Me: I wanna look good today.
Body: No.
Hair: Nope.
Face: Nice try.

2

shit, or get off the pot.

6

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

8

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent...

I never know what those fuckers are planning...

10

I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked.

12

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

15

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

10

If you're important to them, they will always find a way to make time for you.

9

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

204

An Australian kiss is like a French kiss

but Down Under

154

Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

174

One day I'll buy new shoes without taking off my current shoes to see what size they are. One day.

103

Let's get drunk and fall in love every other weekend.

243

Favorite type of music to play during sex?

You.

198

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

until 0% battery do us part

337

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

788

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

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