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Posts Liked by larryrosebarry

If sex, shots, or sleep can't solve it, you have a fucking problem.

182

I am a kid at heart and a 47 year old coal miner at liver.

72

if i was a serial killer my name would be THE SUSPENSE. and my victims would be like "oh no THE SUSPENSE is killing me" and we would both laugh right before i kill them.

13

hi spider, nice spider let me pet you...
WITH MY FOOT
good spider, dead spider.

16

Kindness
is always fashionable •

17

The fact that you don't find me amazing doesn't reflect poorly on me, it just means you have bad taste.

16

Once
in awhile,
someone
amazing comes
along..

..and here I am •

19

We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art because we desperately do not want to be alone. We want to know that we aren't going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how we are feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can't.

16

some people don't believe in heroes, but they haven't met my DAD.

21

you know what rhymes with drunk...

sex.

46

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."

148

stop undressing me with your eyes...

use your teeth.

26

We don't see things as they are.
We see them as we are.

1

That funny moment when your real life has become your secret identity.

17

It's Thursday, or as I like to call it:

Day 4 of the hostage situation.

181

Es gibt zwei Arten von Menschen. Solche, die beim Thema bleiben und ich mag Schokolade

57

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Idiot, we're at a funeral!

All in one Word?

218

Ich stehe mit
beiden Beinen
fest auf dem
Schlauch.

69

Bringing McDonalds into public transportation is like taking a shit at the Opera.

79

People who remind me of myself are the worst

167

Es gibt Schafe und es gibt Wölfe.

Du bist das Gras.

43

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

212

Es heisst ja "Guten Morgen", weil "Halt die Fresse und geh sterben" gesellschaftlich nicht so akzeptiert ist.

69

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

205

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

there is always a wild side to an innocent face

182

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

196

some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place.

some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.

93

Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who's not interested.

214

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