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Posts Liked by Kammii16

People who smile are thinking about doing something evil. People who laugh have already done it.

4

Life is like sex... you can either lie back and let it screw you or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it.

4

some are playing hard to get while i'm playing hard to want

285

Squidward: You're making me claustrophobic.
Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean?
Spongebob: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.
Squidward: No it doesn't!
Patrick: HO HO HO!
Spongebob: Stop it patrick! You're scaring him!

18

That one song that annoys all you friends, so you sing it on purpose.

(... just Let it go)

12

CNN just said the world is 40 trillion dollars in debt

Who the fuck does the world owe? Jupiter?

58

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

You put up your defenses when you leave.

You leave because you're certain of who you want to be.

8

Valentine's Day?
How can anyone be romantic on a day with the initials VD?

2

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note that says, "Don't worry, I don't eat paper."

10

Dear Ladies:
You should never need to prove to other women that he's in love with you.
That's HIS job.

(Charles J. Orlando)

10

I have the shits:
Feel like shit, Look like shit, and Don't give a shit.

7

It's 'before' not 'b4' you speak english, not bingo!

8

I don't give a fuck.
I mean I do, but fuck it.

149

My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013 which I should've done in 2012 because I promised them in 2011 and planned in 2010.

101

Relationships are like glass
Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together

19

Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

11

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'

26

You read "pull"

You understand "push".

You pronounce
"how fuck can I open this door?"

16

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly, I'd be broke as hell because I'm a sexy beast

16

Friends are like underwear, always near you
Good friends are like condom, always protecting you
Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down

40

Stop complaining about being single
We have bigger problems here
Like why Mc Donald doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30

16

A person can break your heart and damage your pride, but never ever give them the power to break your spirit

15

If stress burned calories, I'd be fucking anorexic

28

Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all fault, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody knows about

15

Even the nicest people have their limits

19

Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes

24

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by her hands

For instance, if they are holding a gun, she's probably angry

60

I'm shy at first, but once I'm comfortable with you, get ready for some crazy shit

40

I've found the key to happiness

Stay the hell
away from
assholes

35

look,
my middlefinger
likes you

57

I
WILL
NOT
KEEP CALM
&
YOU
CAN
FUCK OFF

74

Me? Jealous? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahayes.

93

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MUSIC GENRES

Sentence: I SAW A FLOWER

RAP: Yo, I was hangin' with my muthafuckin' homies and we saw a muthafuckin' flowa' in a muthafuckin' garden.

POP: I saw a flower, I saw a flower, I saw a flower. It had blue petals; blue petals; blue petals.

ROCK: In fields where nothing grew but weeds I found a flower at my feet, bending there in my direction

EMO: I came across a beautiful flower but it FUCKING DIED.

METAL: ARSGYDSD FLOOOWWWWEEEERRR!!! AZBSVDHJSHDJD IN A FIELD!!!!!

174

$oooO ( ) \ ( \,,,,) Oooo ( ) ) / (,,,,/ Catch Me If You Can$

61

People complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.

95

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

94

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