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Posts Liked by hazzmatt

I used to wake up to cute texts. Now I just wake up to 100% battery.

7

Bringing McDonalds into public transportation is like taking a shit at the Opera.

7

In which language would you prefer I tell you how much I do not give a shit?

I have my translator app open, fire away.

42

My favorite part of all this is how it is non-negotiable that we are all equals here.

12

i like people with depth, i like people with emotion, i like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind, and also someone that can make me smile.

13

I am never really here for anything but truth.

11

I still can't seem to find my filter.

14

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

flirting with the
shore gives
you nothing
but wet feet.

9

i'm at that awkward stage wherein half of my friends are having babies and the other half are too drunk to find their phone.

18

Are you happy or just comfortable?

25

i have to be
successful
because i love expensive shit.

12

If heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the no's
on their vacancy signs,
if there's no one beside
you when your soul embarks,
then I'll follow you into the dark.

11

Expect drunk texts.

12

It doesn't depend so much where you are but so much more with whom you are...

24

do not wear your mistletoe belt buckle to your office christmas party!!

76

Where can I get one of those Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton jobs? where they just kind of pay you to exist?
I'm tired of working bitch (-.-")

15

holding you in my heart until i can hold you in my arms

22

if you broke my heart i would still scoop up the pieces and put them in your hands...

8

I see you're eating spaghetti
while wearing a white t-shirt.

Well, I also like to live dangerously.

9

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

8

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

9

tonight is all
that will matter.

10

trust in the goodness
that comes
from within.

10

i don't have
friends.

they are all
my brothers
and sisters.

13

I dream about places that I have never been before.

13

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

I still remember the feeling i felt when i first started talking to you.

9

it's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

337

Sneezing is a demanding and involuntary sport.

7

I don't ask for much in this friendship, don't be too sensitive bitch and have a sense of humor.

7

it's about time you stop reading with your eyes.

5

Roses are red, here's something new. Violets are violet, not fucking blue

13

My
normal
has
never
been
anything
but
not
normal.

144

Basically...

Your face pisses me off.

9

My way of flirting you is basically insulting you.

11

I hope a bird shits on your face, Bitch.

9

hey.

wtf is batman's superpower?

having a modified
car and a squirrel
suit costume?

8

rap is like scissors it always loses to rock

182

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

577

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

1546

Why do fat boys have sexy girlfriend? Because sixpack boys have hot boyfriends.

37

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

139

its not soccer bitch
its
football!

5

I love how hard I have to focus to aim but how as little as my breath or the wind could ruin it.

7

Can't spell slut without U, bitch.

10

if at first you don't succeed, failure might be your thing.

2

you wonder why I don't believe you, when all I've ever heard you do is lie

2

And for not being able to sleep since 2AM, my reward is watching the sunrise.

10

Work until your idols become your rivals.

298

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's:

She changes it more often.

8

I

refuse

to

become

what

you

call

NORMAL

53

Calm down gas tank.We're all empty on the inside.

35

WANTED:

GUY WHO RUINS LIPSTICK,
NOT MASCARA

47

Mom : The spider is more scared of you than you are of it!

Me : Are u fucking sure?

24

happiness
is
viral
go
infect
someone

24

you should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole.

41

How to stop time?
KISS

How to travel in time?
READ

How to escape time?
MUSIC

How to feel time?
WRITE

How to waste time?
SOCIAL MEDIA

83

i used to be good once...

but being bad on occasion just feels sexier.

...and you know you like sexy.

1

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

583

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

360

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

And maybe at night when we're all a little too tired and a little too truthful, that's when we see ourselves for who we really are.

564

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

462

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

478

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

531

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

455

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

532

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

617

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

Only very fit and healthy people have midnight snacks
It takes a great deal of physical and mental effort to get out of bed at such late hours

180

and there were always those nights where she preferred the rain over people. because the rain would remind her of how she should feel and people would remind her of the things she always wanted to forget.

141

My brain keeps making appointments that my body cannot keep.

143

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

317

My heart and my brain only agree on one thing..

Food •

157

What Susie says
of Sally
says more of Susie
than of Sally.

Remember that.

199

you are a hurricane of a girl.

remember to breathe every once in a while, do not drown within your own storm.

111

Being a barista is tough. you have to deal with everyone before they've had their morning coffee.

116

My children are dyslexic; they think 'Dad' is spelt ATM.

109

Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.

233

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

134

lick
me
'till
ice cream

158

My only regret is having regrets

and not sneaking more food out of the buffet. dammit!

96

Stop asking WHY I'm still single.

I don't ask how you're still married.

219

we are all moths to the flame for

somebody

84

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

215

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

194

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

193

Time to go to bed.

I have a life to pretend to have tomorrow.

222

often the penis is rarely worth putting up with the dick it's attached to.

3

Ryan Gosling had a baby? That's funny... I don't remember giving birth...

12

You
Me
No clothes
The wall

got it?

36

Heart,

you are
grounded!

8

Music always helps, no matter what you are going through...

19

we never really grow up,
we just learn how to act in public

32

Revenge is beneath me...

...but accidents happen.

16

I want you

(HAPPY!) (HAPPY!)
(HAPPY!) (HAPPY!)
(HAPPY!) (HAPPY!)
(HAPPY!) (HAPPY!)
2

be be
be be
be be
behappy_happybe

to be happy

13

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