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Posts Liked by FuzyFxer

Don't have phone sex, you might get hearing aids.

51

TREAT ME LIKE A JOKE, AND I'LL LEAVE YOU LIKE IT'S FUNNY.....

82

I will be
the architect of my own destruction.

4

I used to think you were my happily ever after, but now I've realized that you were only my once upon a time.

121

you there, friday!

welcome back you sexy son of a bitch! we've been looking for you since monday!

3

Wanna know the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

2

It's officially the season of hard nipples.

2

If you always
give others the
benefit of the
doubt, I doubt
you'll get the
benefit.

18

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

122

in alcohol's defense i've done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

5

a friend isn't your friend until they defend you in your absence

168

my memory love's you; it asks about you all the time. •

13

there are those who consider me sweet.

they're called
mosquitoes !

16

i would double-tap you anytime

11

by the way,
I'm wearing the smile you gave me

10

I said No to Drugs, But they didn't
listen.

19

I have a hard time telling my dog he is adopted.

22

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

I just suck at fishing.

25

Excuse me, here's your nose.

I found it in my business.

53

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

100

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

115

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

250

DIFFICULT ROADS
OFTEN LEAD
TO BEAUTIFUL
DESTINATIONS

213

my back is not a voicemail say it to my face

232

If you walk like a duck and you talk like a duck you're drunk. Ducks don't talk.

62

If you walk like a duck and you talk like a duck you're drunk. Ducks don't talk.

157

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

280

there is always a wild side to an innocent face

182

Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who's not interested.

214

Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

147

Change is much more than just some coins in your pocket.

179

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

i will tell you my sins

and you can sharpen your knife

132

You know, long distance relationships are so hard, especially since my boyfriend lives in the future!

197

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