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Posts Liked by frannygranato

My favorite thing about my new glasses is realizing the stray cat I took in years ago has been a plastic bag this entire time.

7

"WHERE DID ALL YOUR MONEY GO?"

I'M EITHER WEARING IT OR I ATE IT.

5

The fact Trump insulted him and his family is not only insulting, it's proof the man can't even enjoy Spielberg movies.

2

When I'm sad I sing, but my voice is worse than my problems.

20

I have a black belt in sarcasm

5

I have a black belt in sarcasm

90

If you do it just
for show, sooner
or later it will.

43

A univerisal
remote changes everything.

53

First never follows

21

"Do you know a synonym for 'no', maybe?"
- "Nope."

21

Brexit could be followed by Departugal, Italeave, Czechout, Finish, Grexit, Latervia and Byegium.

Only Remania will stay.

31

You don't
make friends with loneliness.

68

Less is

83

Being unique, just like everyone else.

79

I think that new Coca-Cola line, i.e. "taste the feeling", could as easily have been a Durex-slogan to promote its flavoured condoms.

81

The only thing that remains the same is that nothing will.

59

Suicide is away of life

91

Today's therapy session for people with separation anxiety is cancelled due to the fact that last week's session hasn't finished yet.

75

Politricks.

100

It's never too late to be late.

67

Think
less
more

70

If you need
some space
for yourself
to be alone,
try Google+

86

"Why do you always
have to procrastinate everything?"
- "Can we talk about
that later?"

70

Alcohol damaged my short-term memory,
my long-time memory, but also my short-term memory.

63

"Mind your step"
is a comment
that belongs on
a minefield.

77

Add a few dots in
the end to make your sentence appear more meaningful...

72

Great minds think.

46

I've been thinking
and I came to the conclusion that maybe I should do this more often.

61

My favourite Facebook notifications
are the ones
telling me
someone's
birthday was
yesterday.

43

Numbers are weird.
Odd even.

73

There is nothing worse than your phone charger getting stuck in
the wheels of your office chair and
that afterwards your parents die
in a forest fire.

74

Wish
thoughtful.

50

Life is all about
give and take.

Giving someone
a hard time, for instance. By
taking his or her
lunch money.

35

My parents-in-law don't have children, so I'm still single.

60

Aren't you that guy they always mix up with that other guy?

57

The future
is open to
suggestions

66

Iceland / Football team

Finnbogason, Bjarnason, Gunnarsson, Sigurðsson, Sævarsson, Árnason,
Sigþórsson, Halldórsson.

I get it. You're all somebody's son.

56

"I have to go to the loo."
- "Alright, see you later then. Toodeloo!"

45

I just feel the need to mention something Nice about France.

53

Whenever I'm at the supermarket and I see one of those stacks of "grandma's apple pie", this image pops up in
my head of a sweatshop with all the grannies in
it baking pie like mad.

39

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

63

Judgement Day?

Sorry, can't.

40

"Daisy who?"
- "Daisy me rollin', they hatin'."

44

"Do you think I'm stupid?"
- "No, you just have some bad luck when thinking."

29

"Do you say 'trousers'
or 'pants' more often?"
- "It de-pants."

36

Freelance?
Who's Lance?

65

The worst thing about
online dating is seven
year olds pretending
to be an overweight,
fifty-something year
old single from Idaho
who recently got fired
because of some stupid reorganization.

37

Although some might claim the opposite, my writing skills are quite versatile.

My vocabulary
for instance, is
quite versatile.

64

Well I'd certainly put my tongue in your cheeck.

35

He claims that I'm obsessed with orgies, foursome
reason.

36

Some problems are big enough to take care of themselves.

29

"Dad, what is a miscarriage?"
- "You."

29

I've got nothing
to lose because
I don't lose.

30

I'd rather swim in a pool filled with armpits for the rest of my life than listen to someone who
exaggerates.

51

"Sorry I broke
your arm."
- "It's fine, I have another one."

30

With the right
sunglasses,
it's easy to
see things in a
different light.

28

Do drunk blind people have double vision?

29

Who am I
to question
myself?

29

I couldn't care less, but I would if I could.

31

Unnecessary repetitions are often useless, redundant and unnecessary.

50

I wouldn't, but I'm sure Elijah Wood.

29

"What would you do if you were paralyzed?"
- "Nothing."

28

"My sandwich was thrown on the railroad."
- "On purpose?"
"No, on the railroad."

26

If you want many
people to attend
your funeral, you
better die young.

31

First
world problems
first.

26

"What are the odds?"
- "The ratio of probability of an event's occurring to the probability of its not occurring."

22

Hey there Emma,
Watson tv tonight?

28

In my opinion, it's
simply erroneous
that there's just
one company out
there producing
Monopoly (i.e. the
game).

24

Marriage
is the main
reason for
divorce.

41

The anchor man of
the evening news
always starts saying "good evening" and
then he proceeds
telling you why it is
in fact not a good
evening.

18

I'm awfully afraid that I might have hypochondriasis.

23

There is no success
like failure and failure is no success at all.

22

And now, for today's nerdy pun:
"If it ain't good, I can try to make it beta."

56

I would love to hate you.

20

But is it a superiority complex
if you are?

61

We are all recycled stardust.

69

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